11 Things Brilliant People Notice Instantly When They Talk To Someone With Zero Depth
If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling totally drained, here's why.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Many people enjoy deep and meaningful conversations more than their superficial alternatives, according to the American Psychological Association, whether it’s with intimate partners, co-workers, or strangers on the street. However, around people who have little depth or self-awareness, it can often feel impossible to reach a level of emotional intimacy and understanding in a casual conversation.
Many of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth are not just “red flags” in social interactions, but signs to disengage — not because small talk isn’t essential and occasionally important, but because they’d prefer to spend their free-time and energy conversing with people who match their energy. Not everyone has the capacity for depth in every moment, but for someone who prioritizes it in their conversations and relationships, it can have a profoundly positive impact on their lives.
Here are 11 things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth:
1. They try too hard to sound smart
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Whether it’s trying to seem smarter in conversations or seeking external praise, rather than true connections, using overly complicated words and phrases is one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth.
According to a study from the Applied Cognitive Psychology journal, using big words and overly complex language — whether they understand the context and definitions or not — generally hurts a person’s perceived intelligence and competence in social situations. So, even if they’re trying to make themselves seem smarter or more confident, they end up pushing people away and encouraging conversations to turn more superficial.
2. They're obsessed with appearances
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Rather than connecting with someone based on identity, purpose, or shared experiences, people who lack depth tend to hyper-focus on appearance, status symbols, and money.
Of course, looks and appearance do matter in our social interactions — we’re not only deeply tied to our self-expression, but also connected in intimate ways with other people’s, as well, like psychiatrist Nicole Washington explains.
However, spending too much time talking about — or worse, prioritizing — appearance in a conversation can dismiss a person’s verbal contributions, feelings, and identity, crafting a superficial tone to an interaction.
3. They show zero curiosity
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Whether it’s failing to ask thoughtful questions — a fundamental part of intentional active listening — or getting distracted by other people or their phone in a conversation, one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth is their lack of curiosity. They’re not only disinterested in the conversation unless it's entirely on them; they put in no extra effort into learning about others or making them feel heard.
Part of the reason why deep and fulfilling conversations are so important and powerful for emotionally intelligent people with real depth, according to a study from PLOS One, is their ability to make everyone feel heard and valued.
When you’re speaking to someone who doesn’t care to listen — let alone ask questions, get to know you, or delve deeper into more significant topics — it’s mentally and emotionally draining, not fulfilling or fun.
4. They gossip constantly
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From spreading rumors about friends to talking negatively behind someone’s back, and simply gossiping to pass the time, many people with little depth often cling to talking about others to seem more interesting. It’s not only superficial, it’s oftentimes draining to the person they’re with, especially if they’re someone who craves a deeper connection and conversation.
Even in places like the workplace, where truly deep and meaningful connections are harder to come by, superficial drama and negativity can be one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth.
5. They can't handle silence
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Fluid conversations with a constant stream of communication tend to promote better social interactions, boosting self-esteem, a sense of belonging, and connection, especially between people without a pre-existing relationship, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that brief silences in conversations are entirely bad.
Many emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and confident people feel comfortable with silence in conversations, especially when it allows everyone a chance to reflect on their feelings, regulate their emotions, and contribute to later discussions with greater intention. However, insecure people who lack depth and self-awareness may constantly fill awkward silences, directing attention back to themselves or compensating for their feelings of unease.
It’s one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth, because in a deeper, more meaningful conversation, their partner would sit in the comfortable silence with them.
6. They’re desperate for attention
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Especially in the age of social media, where we’ve been given platforms to curate and project a specific image and vibe about ourselves for other people to view, it’s not surprising that attention- and validation-seeking behaviors are on the rise. Even if they’re entirely unintentional and subconscious, they impact our conversations and connections more than we realize.
It’s one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth, because they’re more concerned with boasting, bragging, and putting themselves on a pedestal with their words than actively listening or getting to know anyone else.
They’re trying so hard to project a certain image or impress everyone around them that they forgo genuine connections, such as asking thoughtful questions, finding shared experiences with others, or building a strong foundation of trust and respect.
7. They parrot everyone else’s opinions
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Rather than sharing their insights, emotions, and perspectives, people with little depth tend to shape-shift into other people in conversations. Whether it’s agreeing with someone else, reshaping someone else’s ideas as their own, or changing their personality to appease those around them, they lack the originality and genuineness that build truly deep connections.
In fact, according to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, people are more fulfilled personally and socially when they live an authentic life. This means it’s not just about having better conversations and building stronger relationships, but also about prioritizing personal well-being.
8. They deflect anything real
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By deflecting vulnerability, accountability, and even questions that could lead to a deeper conversation, people who lack depth protect themselves from having to cope with the discomfort of their shallow nature.
Of course, not every person who doesn’t want to be vulnerable in a conversation lacks depth — they could be grappling with anxiety, low self-esteem, or even unresolved trauma — but for the most part, deflection is a habit most utilized by shallow people, whether they recognize it or not.
9. They lack empathy
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According to experts like Sara Konrath, an associate professor from Indiana University, our culture is essentially experiencing a shift away from empathy toward more narcissistic and self-centered attitudes. Whether it’s a result of social media, information overload from internet accessibility, or simply our cultural norms, people are less empathetic and drawn toward kindness, compassion, and grace.
However, it also tends to be a side effect of lacking complexity and depth — these kinds of people can only think about themselves. It’s one of the things brilliant people notice instantly when they talk to someone with zero depth, because they not only feel unheard and uncomfortable, but also invalidated and isolated, despite having another person in front of them.
10. They act overconfident
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Whether it’s bragging about achievements they haven’t realized yet, name-dropping random people, or exaggerating their skills and abilities — in ways that are often counterproductive for boosting their social perception — over-confident people also generally lack depth and self-awareness.
They not only isolate themselves from deeper connections and relationships, sometimes without even realizing it, but also, by exaggerating their superiority, competency, or confidence, they put themselves in a cycle of low self-esteem and disappointment fueled by their tendency to overcompensate.
11. They dominate the conversation
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There are benefits to being the quiet person who intentionally listens to others, absorbing the vibe of social interactions, rather than talking all the time or waiting for their chance to speak. Not only do they tend to foster better connections by actively listening to others, they boast greater self-awareness and emotional regulation skills, as well.
However, talking more than they listen is one of the most common characteristics of a person who lacks depth, which a brilliant person quickly picks up on. Whether it’s rooted in their insecurity, sparking attention-seeking behavior, or a side effect of their lacking social skills, people who talk more than they listen often make others feel profoundly dismissed, disconnected, and unheard.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
