11 Quiet And Soul-Crushing Things That Happen When You’re In The Wrong Relationship
These are subtle signs it was never meant to be.
GRSI / Shutterstock It's hard to know if you're in the right relationship. Despite how easy people make it seem, the glaring red flags aren't always as obvious as social media suggests. Some quiet and soul-crushing things can happen when you're in the wrong relationship.
From no longer feeling safe to constant arguments, certain signs make it clear when someone is not the one for you. A common misconception is that the wrong relationship will be easy to identify. We are led to believe friends and family will know when you're in the wrong relationship and advise you, but that's not always the reality. Even the worst relationships might look great on the outside. So, what are the effective ways you can identify glaring red flags without needing the opinion of others?
Here are 11 quiet and soul-crushing things that happen when you're in the wrong relationship
1. You feel unsafe
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The first quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that you feel unsafe. No healthy relationship is built on uncertainty. There's a level of comfort needed if people want to truly thrive in the relationship.
True healthy relationships need a level of safety for people to feel comfortable. Comfort is often the difference between opening up or staying closed forever. According to psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., "In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel free to be authentic without fear of judgment or the need to hide. This level of openness strengthens relational trust and fortifies the emotional bond between individuals."
So, if you think you are in the wrong relationship, ask a simple question: "Do I feel unsafe in this relationship?" If the answer is yes, and you can't place the exact reasoning or find a solution, it might be time to end your turbulent relationship.
2. There is awkward silence
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From enjoying one another's presence to doing your own thing, relationships aren't always meant to be loud and chaotic. Rather, there's joy to be found in the silence. However, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that there's an awkward silence. We're not talking about the peaceful, I can relax, silence. Rather, we're talking about the uncomfortable silence where you are afraid to do anything.
It sounds complicated, but if you find yourself constantly feeling awkward and unsure around your partner, this could be a sign you're in the wrong relationship. According to licensed psychologist Michele Leno, Ph.D., there's a reason why awkward silence is so damaging. They continued, "When a conversation lapses into silence, they may interpret the pause as a personal failure or a sign of rejection. This heightened self-consciousness can make even brief silences feel overwhelmingly awkward, leading to increased anxiety and self-criticism."
So, while you'd like to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, don't be too forgiving. If something doesn't feel right, trust yourself and leave while the relationship is still unproblematic.
3. You feel like they aren't accepting you for who you are
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When you're in the right relationship, there's no limit to how goofy you can be. Making weird jokes and laughing obnoxiously are all clear indicators you're right where you're meant to be. Yet, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that they aren't accepting you for who you are.
Sure, everyone has their annoying quirks, but there's a difference between annoying flaws and hating someone's inherent nature. While flaws are something people learn to tolerate or change, a person's natural character is set in stone.
If you are having to change yourself, run the other direction. It isn't meant to be. According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, the harm in refusing to be yourself is often the benefits of what you miss out on. This study found that people who are authentic to themselves tend to experience greater happiness as they feel as if their life has more meaning. If you aren't being yourself, it's best to get out while you still can. You might be in the wrong relationship.
4. Fights are a path to destruction, not growth
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All couples fight from time to time. There are bound to be disagreements, as well as resolutions. However, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that fights are a path to destruction, not growth.
If either partner is constantly trying to one-up or belittle the other person, this is a huge sign that the relationship is headed nowhere. These actions are dangerous, and according to the Gottman Institute, contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.
Fighting constantly is bound to increase stress levels, which can have major consequences on your mental health. So, as much as you'd like to stay and fight for your relationship, don't fight too hard. Remember: your mental health is worth protecting.
5. You don't protect one another's peace
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Relationships go through trials and tribulations, no doubt about it. However, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that you don't protect one another's peace. You both care for one another so much, you're bound to want to protect one another's peace. However, in the wrong relationship, protecting one another's peace is thrown out the window as each person tries to prove themselves right.
This is dangerous. According to a study in 2020, stressful life events lead to depressive episodes. So, while you might love the other person, don't forget to look out for yourself. In no way is it OK to lose your peace in favor of keeping a chaotic relationship alive.
6. You become more damaged in the relationship than you ever were outside of it
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The right relationship will have you feeling as if you're floating. Even through the hardships and the arguments, there's something special about being with someone who heals you rather than tears you apart. A quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that you become more damaged in the relationship than you ever were outside of it.
Your partner isn't your therapist, and it is not their job to fix your trauma. However, being with the right person will have you in the right headspace to heal and move forward. Yet, if you can't move forward with your healing, this is a sign you should turn the other way.
According to a study in 2024, being in the wrong relationship will cause you to experience less life satisfaction. So, while you might want your relationship to work out, don't forget to check in with yourself. Are you slowly becoming more and more damaged? If so, it might be time to leave this exhausting dynamic.
7. You see them as a bad investment
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Some people feel that to make a romantic relationship work, you must be excited at every hour of every day. Yet, joy can be found in the mundane everyday things in life. You know you're in the right relationship when you feel as if you have made a good investment.
So, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that you see them as a bad investment. The everyday things that are easy and fun get a lot more stressful. The inability to make your life easier is a huge sign you're in the wrong relationship. If your partner is putting all the stress on you without alleviating any of it, run, don't walk. As it stands, being in a negative and draining relationship will lead you astray.
According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., "When one partner feels unappreciated or unnoticed, it creates a sense of being undervalued, which can be detrimental to their emotional well-being and the relationship." Now, is this always easy? No, but if you truly value yourself, it is better to leave than stick by someone who doesn't value you, even if it's hard.
8. Your intuition screams at you to leave
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How many times have your feelings been in favor of keeping peace? Many people will actively look the other way just to make sure the relationship isn't blowing up in their face. However, a quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that your intuition screams at you to leave.
You should always trust yourself. Your intuition is there to protect you and will seldom lead you astray. According to psychotherapist Erin Leonard, Ph.D., "It may keep you safe and prevent others from successfully manipulating you." Despite this fact, you might still feel the need to ignore the inner voice that screams at you to turn the other way.
However, when in doubt, seek professional help. While it might sound drastic, sometimes, gaining a better perspective through the eyes of a professional can let you know that if what you're imagining is truly in your head or not.
9. Growth is not mutual
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Another quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong is that the growth is not mutual. There will be times when one partner is ahead of the other, whether in school or career.
Yet, growth is more than how much money you have in your bank account. True growth involves emotional maturity and wisdom that is cultivated throughout your relationship. So, if you feel as if you're growing and the other person is continuing the same old games, it's better to leave before you waste your time.
10. You have to perform in front of them
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Now, most of you will have to perform in front of someone at some point in time. Whether it's your boss or friends, faking it is necessary from time to time. However, there are certain people you should be able to let your guard down with, no matter what.
A quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that you have to perform in front of them. Faking it in front of your partner is a bad sign. If you have to pretend to be happy to not set your partner off, this is a sign you're in the wrong relationship.
Everyone has good and bad days, but if your partner can't handle that, you're much better off calling it quits and remaining single.
11. Your future is terrifying, not bright
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The last quiet and soul-crushing thing that happens when you're in the wrong relationship is that your future becomes terrifying, not bright. When you think about your partner, you shouldn't be filled with a sense of dread at the mere prospect of being together forever.
Despite having your fair share of differences, it should fill you with joy and happiness to imagine forever with the person you love most. However, if it doesn't, this is a sign you're in the wrong relationship. Does this mean you should break up? No, there could be other issues that are easily fixable. But if they're unable to work on it, then it might be time to call it quits.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
