7 Regrets People Admit At The End Of Life That Are Often Too Late To Change
Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz | Canva The biggest poison in us is regret. But it's tricky because regret is not an immediate consequence of your actions. You do or don't do something today, and you end up regretting it years or even decades later. Research supports this pattern, finding that over longer time periods, people are far more likely to regret the things they didn't do than the things they did, including missed opportunities for love, more time with family, and chances to pursue what they actually wanted.
This delayed consequence is what makes regret so dangerous. By the time the feedback arrives, it's often too late to act on it. According to a 2024 study, life regrets arise when people assess their past decisions and compare their present circumstances to what could have been, triggering a kind of "counterfactual thinking" that carries real emotional and physical weight. The longer it goes unaddressed, the deeper it cuts. This is why, to live a life with fewer regrets, you have to learn from other people's lives. You have to closely observe them, ask them what they would do differently, and then actually act on what they tell you.
End-of-life nurse Bronnie Ware spent years at the bedsides of dying patients and documented the same regrets surfacing over and over, eventually publishing her findings in The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Her work has since been read by millions and translated into dozens of languages because the regrets she catalogued are not unique to any one person. They are universal.
Most persistent regrets cluster around six major life domains: education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure, in that order. The pattern holds across age groups and generations. The specifics change, but the themes stay the same.
Here are the seven regrets people admit at the end of life that are often too late to change:
Regret #1: Being overobedient
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What I've learned over the years is that if you let them, everyone around you will try to manipulate you. Even, and especially, your parents. Of course, their intention might be good. However, the result rarely is.
Since we were children, we were told to obey our parents and teachers. Not doing so was a mark that you’re not a good kid. Hence, some kids hate disappointing their parents. This is why they rarely rebel, irrespective of what they want.
However, in the long term, when they’re not satisfied with what their parents planned for them, kids usually start — consciously or subconsciously — resenting their parents for it. This is why I truly believe that it’s better to defy your parents and still love them than to obey them and end up resenting them.
Remember, you owe your parents a lot — or do you? — but not your whole life. Live the life you want to live, not what your parents want you to live.
Joan E. Childs, a psychotherapist, explains that too often we abandon our authentic selves in order to adapt to the expectations of those around us, particularly in early development. "To go to your grave never knowing who you really are is the greatest tragedy of all," she states, urging readers to reclaim their essence before it's too late.
Regret #2: Missing out on life while running the rat race
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Some experiences are age-sensitive. For instance, traveling solo for months at a stretch is best if you do it in your 20s when you’re not married and don’t have kids or other responsibilities. However, if you skip this because you’d rather save that money, or want to focus on your career, or what have you, you might regret it because you’ll never be 25 again.
I’m not saying everyone has to travel solo. That was just an example. The point is, some experiences need to be enjoyed at the right time, or else you’ll never have the chance to have them ever. The longer you wait, the more the regret grows.
Regret #3: Sacrificing everyday pleasures at the expense of ambition
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Making it in today’s world needs a lot of sacrifices. And the idea of sacrifice is celebrated, as it’s a proxy for success, discipline, and focus. However, it may be possible that we’re sacrificing way too much to the point that we’re not ourselves anymore.
I’m in medical school, and eight months ago, I sacrificed my hobbies to study as much as I could. I stopped writing. I stopped playing my ukulele. And one day, I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my life anymore. This is when I realized it’s important to stay in touch with your hobbies because they make you who you are.
Regret #4: Not collecting memories to revisit when you’re old and gray
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There’s a reason people take their album first when their house is on fire. Because memories matter. The good experiences you had in your past are important because they make you feel good today as well. It’s as if these memories give you dividends in the form of happiness.
This is why you must start recording your lives. Take more pictures with the people you love. Film them doing stupid things when you’re hanging out together. Buy an audio recorder and record the great conversations you have with people (with their permission, of course). When you revisit these when you’re old and gray, you’ll be able to access extraordinary joy.
Regret #5: Fear of rejection
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Most people swallow their feelings about someone due to their fear of being rejected. However, what I’ve learned as a writer is that rejection is not that bad. But refusing to put yourself out there is actually terrible.
If you have feelings for someone, tell them. The worst that will happen is that they might not reciprocate; trust me, you can deal with that. But the regret of "what might have been" is too tough to bear.
Therapist Chelli Pumphrey explains that hiding who you are to avoid rejection is ultimately self-defeating. "If you are hiding who you are, true love can't find you," she advises, adding that everything about you is perfectly imperfect, and your so-called flaws could be your greatest assets if you learn to embrace them.
Regret #6: Choosing safety over risk when the risk is not that risky
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We’re hardwired to look for safety. And our society also pushes us towards safety. Safe careers. Stable paychecks. And don’t get me wrong; safety is important as well.
However, when you’re young is exactly when you need to be risk-oriented. Because in case things go south, you have the time, energy, and freedom to get your stuff together. When you have your whole life in front of you, no risk is that risky.
Regret #7: Not making amends with loved ones
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My father and one of my uncles didn’t talk to each other. They fought for quite a few years until one day, they gave up on each other. Then, three months ago, my uncle had a huge brain hemorrhage. He landed in a coma. My father took me, and he spoke to him in the hospital.
He apologized to him, but I doubt that my uncle could hear anything. He died a couple of days later. I saw my father cry. And it was painful. He cried not only because his brother died, but also because he hadn’t spoken to him in years, despite working in the same office.
According to Melissa Fritchle, a holistic psychotherapist, couples and families who work through difficult times keep their eyes on what they value about the relationship rather than letting resentment win. "The good news is that almost nothing is irreparable," Fritchle explains, noting that the work of repair is hard, but choosing to let the relationship heal is about choosing to unbreak your own heart.
Trust me; life’s too short to hate someone. Yes, people are difficult. But so are you. No matter how much friction you have had with someone, try to keep estrangement as a last-ditch option. Limit your interaction with them if you want, but don’t hate someone so much that you cannot even stand them, especially if they’re family.
A very important goal you should have is to minimize the number of regrets you have on your deathbed. To that end, it’s worth knowing about these seven common late-in-life regrets:
- Being extra-obedient to your parents.
- Skipping age-sensitive experiences due to the rat race.
- Sacrificing your hobbies.
- Not taking photos and videos of your lives.
- Not asking that person out.
- Not being risk-oriented when you’re young
- Not being on talking terms with someone who is family.
Akshad Singi, M.D., has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, and more.
