Love, Self

How To Let Your Fear Of Rejection Go So You Can Relax & Enjoy The Fun Of Going On First Dates

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How To Let Your Fear Of Rejection Go So You Can Relax & Enjoy The Fun Of Going On First Dates

If you claim to be totally confident when you go on first dates with any new man or women you've met, I’d question your honesty.

The truth is, it’s a challenge to go on a first date with anyone and not have your insecurities rise to the surface.

The fear of rejection has a knack at rearing its ugly head in the vulnerable experience of dating. But in order to find love, you have to subject yourself to the possibility of rejection.

RELATED: 9 Questions You Should Ask On A First Date

The trick is not to let your insecurities get the best of you, and possibly ruin an otherwise amazing date.

Here are 5 tips to help calm your natural fear of rejection so you can feel more confident on first dates and find the love you deserve.

1. Own your insecurities.

Figure out what you’re really afraid of and what parts of yourself you are ashamed of. What do you think you need to hide about yourself — and why?

Most of the time, fears and anxieties are just stories you’ve created in your mind. The narrative might sound like this: "If I show this person that I am not this way (i.e., smart enough, skinny enough, successful enough, etc.), then they won't love me."

Ask yourself where you learned this belief. You weren’t born with it, you learned it — which means you can unlearn it. But first, you must accept these thoughts as learned beliefs.

Once you embrace this as a fact, you can learn to let these beliefs go or to love the parts of yourself you consider "flawed."

2. Embrace your authenticity.

You are you. Bottom line. There is no one like you. If you are hiding who you are, true love can’t find you.

What are you hiding? Who are you afraid to be? What if you believed you had nothing to hide?

Everything about you is perfectly imperfect. Your "flaws" could be your greatest assets if you learn to embrace them, just as you embrace your strengths.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. The key to ridding yourself of insecurity is to have the courage to be authentic and lighthearted about your so-called "imperfections."

RELATED: 10 Awkward Things That Happen On First Dates — And How To Move Past Them

3. Practice makes perfect.

Dating is a numbers game. The more dates you have, the more confident you will become. It’s worth it to push yourself to keep dating, even when you feel uncomfortable or experience relationship anxiety.

Think about it: There is nothing you do in your life that you haven’t had to practice at, right?

Whether it’s a skill at your job, walking, or talking, you’ve had to practice. You may have had some falls and mistakes along the way, but you learned.

Dating is no different. Plus, you’ll become a sleuth at detecting the right kind of partner for you. You’ll know who’s worth your attention once you’ve had several dates to compare.

4. Be the chooser, not the chosen.

There are 7.5 billion people on this planet. If someone doesn’t like who you are, there will be another who will. Focus on this mindset shift of abundance and your insecurities will become less of a focus.

People have the tendency to go into dating with a fear of being rejected. Hoping you will be accepted by a partner leaves you in a state of powerlessness, making you feel insecure and fearful.

Instead, focus on this idea: "There are so many potential mates in the world, I have unlimited choices. If one doesn’t fit with me, I’ll find another."

You gain power when you shift your mindset into believing you are the one in charge of choosing a partner versus being the one who is ultimately chosen by a partner. This empowerment will help you feel more secure.

5. Calm your anxious mind.

If you have a tendency to feel very anxious around dating and relationships, developing a regular practice of meditation and mindfulness can help. When your insecurities begin to flare, these practices can guide your brain to a calm baseline.

A tranquil mind will give you a lot of mileage when it comes to dating.

By keeping your brain calm, shifting your mindset, and finding the courage to be authentic, your insecurities will have less power.

You will gain the ability to show up in authentic ways on dates and in relationships, leading you to a partner who is equally authentic, unafraid, and able to embrace their own insecurities — as well as help you conquer your own.

And that, my friend, is true love.

RELATED: 9 Life-Altering Things I've Learned From Going On 100 First Dates

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC, is a love strategist and a therapist who uses her 20-plus years of experience and expertise in psychology and relationships to help you become confident and empowered in your quest for love, so you can stop repeating unhealthy patterns that keep you single and heartbroken.

This article was originally published at Meet Mindful. Reprinted with permission from the author.