People Who Seem Weirdly Good At Letting Go After A Breakup Usually Do These 8 Little Things
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock We've all been through the horrible heartbreaks — the ones where you bury your head in a pillow, lie on the couch for days, and decide you're proud you actually made it out of your bedroom. You weep for a while, spend several hours texting your friends about how terrible your ex is.
Research explained how breakups are not "isolated from all other psychological, sociological, and everyday communicative processes. The ending of a relationship is a framework for understanding the changes and continuities of life more generally." So, how about some real-life advice from people who are weirdly good at letting go after a break-up? It might seem hard, but doing a handful of these things will actually help you feel much better during what doesn't have to be a traumatic life experience.
People who seem weirdly good at letting go after a breakup usually do these 8 little things:
1. They get away from the mundane for a while
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Leave the familiar and get away for a while, suggested research on post-breakup emotional regulation. You'll gain some new perspective on yourself and the relationship. Go somewhere you have always dreamed about and decide whether going alone or with another person will be best for you. Take it up a notch and ask someone at home to remove his pictures and other personal items from your space so you arrive back at your new boyfriend-free zone.
Tia went to visit some good friends at the beach and came home to her clean, fresh apartment, walls painted, furniture rearranged, and no sign anywhere that her ex ever existed. She loved her new fresh start and her family and friends for doing it. However, make sure they know your home décor preferences and tastes, or you'll be painting all over again.
2. They pamper themselves
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What makes you feel beautiful? Do something luxurious like a spa day or warm bubble bath with a little bubbly (champagne) to go along with it. Think of what makes you attractive and get your head and heart into it. Alexa read a steamy romance novel, and it reminded her that she's a woman filled with love and passion. She realized that love will come along again when the timing is right, and to just enjoy life moment by moment. She even took it a step further and began flirting with men just a bit to help her realize that new relationship journeys were ahead. She is now with the love of her life and is having a baby.
3. They de-clutter their whole life
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De-cluttering your life is great after a breakup, along with other additional benefits. Good reasons to de-clutter your life include: reducing stress, giving to others who need your stuff, stimulating creativity, decreasing dust, and helping your breath better, as well as increasing your brain focus.
My cousin Linda always rearranged her shoes in her closet because it made her feel better after her relationships went astray. You may still be dealing with the sadness, but your mood will be enhanced when you realize now that you can wear that $100 sweater you thought you lost and treat your friends to a latte with that $20 bill you found in your jacket pocket.
4. They hit the delete button
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This might be one of your biggest challenges — removing him from social media. You tell yourself you still love him, and those feelings just don't disappear overnight, and that he might still have some of your things, and you want them back. The truth is, you're just hanging on to the past, and if you really need to speak to him, there's always a way.
You are vulnerable and too tempted right now, so let him go. Seeing what he's doing every minute will just add to the torture you're already feeling. Remember, it's time to concentrate on your healing, your beauty, and your self-love. It's not the time to be on Instagram looking at a picture of him standing next to some girl that you're going to wonder about and then have a sleepless night over it. You know I'm right!
Think of your passions and act on them (short of calling all of his friends and letting them know that he sucks — please resist!) Maybe you want to work, read a great book, or cut off your hair as one of my friends did. That may be a bit impulsive, so be careful, you just may be out shopping for a new wig.
What have you always wanted to do? Here's a little test to help you bring out your interests. There's nothing better than doing something you love to help you get out of a funk and concentrate on your own personal growth. Who knows? Maybe you'll find your next boyfriend at one of your activities.
5. They escape to a fantasy world
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Daydreaming can be a very healthy way to imagine life as you want it to be. Visualize yourself being happy — maybe even with another person — participating in life's activities and making them specific to your own desires.
Relationship expert Dr. Ava Cadell suggested, "You may find yourself daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing, so your motivation is not based on dissatisfaction but more on curiosity. Whatever the reason is, you can reinvent your life." We must also be aware that we can take it too far. Only perform this activity if you're in the proper mindset. If you find yourself thinking about "him" constantly, this is not for you.
6. They put their focus in all the right places
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One of the most challenging parts of your heartbreak is loneliness. You have so much love in your heart, so now where is it supposed to go? To those who deserve it, that's who. Focus on loving creatures such as pets, as they will let you love them all day. Give lots of hugs to the good people in your life, like family and friends, and tell them how you feel about them. The more love you put into the world, the more that will come back to you in lots of ways, including your next amazing partner.
7. They make new memories without their ex
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Go back to the places you used to visit together and create a new memory. Go with someone else and do something different to create an even more enjoyable experience. While you're at it, explore new activities, eat foods you’ve never tasted, try a new sport, and do whatever it takes to freshen life up. Can you imagine never having that delectable pastry or shopping at your favorite shoe store because you were there together in the past — no way, you can't allow him to take your life from you. Move forward, strong soul.
"Rather than dwelling on the past and trying to fix what went wrong, it's really just time to let go," advised relationship coach Janet Ong Zimmerman. "You may continue to think about your ex, your good times, and how much you miss them. But holding on to a past love clutters up your heart and mind. Letting go opens up the space and possibilities to attract the partner of your dreams."
8. They celebrate the breakup
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Life's too short to be wasting too much time on someone who won't be in your life for the long term anyway. After the initial grief is over, throw yourself a party with decorations and all the trimmings. You deserve it because you've been through so much. Make it a celebration of self-love, honoring your perseverance, strength, and the new woman you're becoming.
Lori Peters is a dating coach, radio show host, writer, and speaker on happiness and well-being. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships.
