If You Notice These 7 Behaviors, You’re Dealing With Someone Who Can’t Admit They’re Wrong
Some people would rather twist the truth than say, 'You're right.'
Alex Green | Canva Ask this person if they are dependable, and they will say, “I’m the most responsible person you know; you can always count on me.” And they can be. But when the rubber meets the road (an old saying about being put to the test), they seem to wiggle out of accountability.
Why? They will gladly be responsible for the things they deem worthy, especially when it provides an opportunity to be the center of attention. However, when others place responsibility on them, they see this as an attempt to control them. This violates one of their personal mantras: no one will have power over them. So they escape from all liability. How? By using these tactics.
If you notice these 7 behaviors, you’re dealing with someone who can’t admit they’re wrong:
1. Intimidation/blame
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They begin by bullying the person, endeavoring to hold them accountable. Frequently, they resort to name-calling and belittling to assert dominance over the other person. Once a subordinate position has been established, they blame the person for attempting to make them look less than superior.
This victimhood narrative not only deflects from their original mistake but also paints you as the real problem. By the end of the interaction, you might find yourself apologizing for how you brought up their error, having completely forgotten that they were the one who was actually wrong. That's exactly what they wanted.
2. Accusing/projection
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To circumvent any accountability, they preempt the attack by accusing another person. Usually, they pick an overly responsible, co-dependent person who idolizes them. Then, they project the things they are answerable for onto the other person. Thus, escaping before the attack.
Research shows this protects their ego from shame and anxiety by blaming others and avoiding looking inward. This isn't a conscious choice to be difficult, either; it's an automatic defense that keeps them from facing their own flaws.
3. Arguing/exhausting
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This is the simplest tactic with great immediate results. When confronted, they pick one small detail and argue it to the umpteenth degree. If the other person argues back, they pick another tiny point and persistently wear down their opponent. Exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed, the other person gives up holding them liable.
And that's the goal. They don't need to prove they're right; they just need to make being right so exhausting that you'd rather let it go. They've turned what should have been a two-minute acknowledgment of error into a marathon of meaningless debates, knowing that most people will eventually choose peace over principle.
4. Denying/rewriting
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One way of avoiding responsibility is for them to deny that they have any. Even if the item is written down, they will make excuses and rewrite history. Frequently, they take the victim role by claiming they were forced into being held accountable, when in actuality, they willingly did so. This tactic often leaves the other person questioning themselves and their memory.
Refusing to admit wrongdoing protects an unconscious need to maintain a perfect self-image, which is threatened by the fear of criticism. An article by the University of Connecticut suggested that this inflexibility manifests as an unwillingness to take in new information or change their understanding, even in the face of evidence.
5. Diversion/attacking
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This method begins with an outburst over something very insignificant. Then, they exaggerate the point to incite the other person and draw their attention away from what is really happening. Whenever they are fueling a small fire, it is to divert the focus away from the inferno elsewhere. The diversion is done to drain resources, energy, and time so they can attack when the other person is vulnerable.
The irony is that they created the chaos, but now they're positioning themselves as the calm, reasonable one while you look unhinged. You started the conversation trying to address their clear mistake, but somehow you've ended up defending your character, your intentions, and your entire relationship history.
6. Fear/avoidance
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They can take a person’s small fear and turn it into paranoia. Their charisma is put to destructive use as they weave a believable story with an intense, dreadful outcome. Once the other person is frightened, they use the other person’s terror as justification for avoiding responsibility. They often cite that the other person is reactionary and, therefore, any requests from the other person should be discounted.
This often serves as a protective strategy against the fear of criticism, shame, or damage to their carefully maintained self-image, a 2022 study suggested. Rather than dealing with the uncomfortable reality of making a mistake, they turn to defensive tactics such as refusing to acknowledge the truth or shutting down emotionally.
7. Rescuing/retreating
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This tactic is the most manipulative of the bunch. First, they rescue the other person from a dreadful situation. Having gained the other person’s loyalty, they wait. Eventually, the other person confronts them about a lack of responsibility, and then they retreat.
The withholding of love/attention/time is so dramatic that the other person becomes horrified and assumes responsibility so that they will return. Once secured, they then accuse the other person of not appreciating the rescue. The other person feels bad and succumbs to their wishes even further.
While this article was written with them in mind, several other personality disorders use a couple of these tactics as well. Anti-social (sociopaths and psychopaths), histrionic, borderline, obsessive-compulsive, paranoid, and passive-aggressive personality disorders all utilize portions of these methods as well.
Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC, is a mental health influencer, guest speaker, and author of the award-winning The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook and more than 500 articles. Her work has been featured in Psych Central and Midland Daily News.
