The Art Of Mental Judo: 6 Clever Ways To Flip Toxic People’s Mind Games Back On Them
With a little psychological skill, you can turn someone's manipulation back around.
Jorge Fernandez | Unsplash The world is filled with a lot of interesting people. Some are genuine and good-hearted, while others have bad intentions. Some people try to take advantage of others by playing mind games. They do this by using any toxic tools they have at their disposal: twisting words, shifting blame, and leaving you second-guessing yourself.
But what if you could turn their tactics against them? Mental judo is the art of using logic and subtle redirection to protect your peace while keeping your power. Here's how to master it, and never let a manipulator knock you off balance again.
Here are 6 clever ways to flip toxic people’s mind games back on them:
1. Ignore them
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Toxic behavior: The silent treatment
The silent treatment is a well-known tool usually associated with narcissism. It is a form of punishment that is typically used to hold a person for holding you accountable.
If you find that someone is doing this to you and failing to take responsibility for their actions, return the favor. Avoid communicating with them until they are ready to acknowledge their mistakes. Leave the ball in their court.
2. Put the spotlight back on them
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Toxic behavior: Condescending jokes
They say jokes can sometimes be based on real underlying feelings toward someone. And toxic people know how to crack insulting jokes at your expense under the guise of harmless fun. When this happens, instead of letting it slide, confront them with clarifying questions. Pretend you are attempting to better understand their humor. Doing this will catch them off guard and put them on notice that they cannot throw insults your way, playing or not.
Manipulators and game players thrive on keeping others off-balance. According to a 2022 study, by making you question your own sanity or behavior, they control the narrative. When you calmly and directly bring the focus back to their actions, you are shifting the script and putting them in a defensive position.
3. Disengage and walk away
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Toxic behavior: Gaslighting
Gaslighting is what some people call "playing in your face." Gaslighting is when you have clear evidence of the truth, and someone tries to convince you that your eyes and ears are misleading you.
If someone is gaslighting you, know that they are trying to insult your intelligence. They are intent on being dishonest with you and with themselves. The only option you have is to completely disengage. Don’t argue or fight to make them believe you. Simply shut up and walk away. Resistance is futile.
Research has shown that this works by disrupting their core need for control, forcing them to confront the consequences of their actions. Manipulators feed on your emotional reactions, both positive and negative. By withdrawing, you cut off their supply of energy and starve them of the attention they desperately want.
4. Don't take the bait
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Toxic behavior: Projecting insecurities
People who project their own insecurities on others do it as a way to cope with their feelings of inferiority. It is the feeling that "if I can’t do it, neither can you." Telling your goals and ambitions to an insecure person will likely be met with doubt and negativity. The most important lesson here is to avoid internalizing their self-doubt and making it your own. Their insecurity really has nothing to do with you and is something they need to deal with on their own.
From a behavioral psychology perspective, a manipulator's behavior is reinforced every time they get a reaction from you, whether it's anger, fear, or frustration. By offering dull, non-emotional responses, you are withholding the reward they want, causing their manipulative behavior to lose its power.
5. Judge them based on their actions
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Toxic behavior: Fake ignorance
If you have ever experienced someone feigning ignorance to avoid the consequences of their actions or behavior, it can be incredibly frustrating. This act, also known as "playing stupid" or "playing dumb," is something you need to recognize without reacting. Take them at their word that they were unaware, but switch your focus to what they do. Actions speak louder than words, and theirs will speak volumes.
This external validation of their own contradictory behavior can create intense internal discomfort for the manipulator. Instead of succeeding in their deception, the manipulator is forced to deal with their own inconsistency, one study concluded.
6. Respond with empathy
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Toxic behavior: Guilt-tripping
There will be times in your life when you have to just say no. As a result, some people will do their best to make you feel bad about it. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about doing what’s in your own best interest, empathize, but stick to your guns.
Dysfunctional people will want you to put their needs ahead of yours. Trust your gut and stand strong in your beliefs and intentions.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
