People Who Have Nobody To Love Them Usually Display These 13 Quiet Behaviors
People who go through life without anyone to truly love them often reveal it in subtle, telling ways.
Andrey K | Unsplash Love and connection are fundamental human needs, and when they go unmet, people often develop coping mechanisms to protect their hearts. Recognizing these patterns isn't about judgment, but about understanding the deep longing for belonging that lives within us all and finding pathways back to meaningful connection.
The journey toward love often begins with acknowledging the walls we've built to protect ourselves. While these patterns may have served a purpose at one point, understanding them can be the key to opening ourselves to the beautiful vulnerability that makes deep connection possible.
People who have nobody to love them usually display these 14 quiet behaviors:
1. Their standards are too high
It's great to have high standards. No woman should sell herself short and then be stuck in a situation she regrets, but there is such a thing as having standards that are too high.
Normal standards: "I want him to respect me, treat me right, and be honest and decent." Too-high standards: "He better drive a Lexus and make six figures."
Always ask yourself if your standards are realistic. And more importantly, ask if your standards will attract the man who will make you happy.
2. Negativity is their middle name
Raushan_films / Shutterstock
Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you never give compliments, or simply can't be pleased? If so, you might be negative.
Don't be combative or hostile, and don't let one thing he says turn you off to him completely. Open up a little more and don't stress. Men who see women as overly negative usually head for the door.
3. They're going after the wrong person
It happens all too often. You're able to pull what you think is a fantastic guy — good looking, charming, a guy women would kill for. He can get whoever he wants. And that's part of the problem.
If you're constantly seeking the guy who's going to make every woman jealous, keep in mind that this guy probably knows that he can get you and any other woman in the room. Thinking that the lotharios are the ones who want to stick around is where you're bound to get caught going after the wrong guy.
One study argued that a lack of love and secure attachment experiences in early life can create unhealthy patterns and beliefs that unconsciously guide individuals towards relationships that mirror past hurts or reinforce negative self-perceptions. For example, someone who experienced conditional love from a parent might be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners, reinforcing the belief that they need to earn love.
4. They're not listening
This goes for both men and women. Most of us are very bad at listening. To listen is to devote your complete attention to the other person. If your attention is divided between what they're saying and what you want to say next or how you want to respond, you're not really listening.
Listening is not about hearing; it's about receiving. Information from the other person is coming at you in several forms. Spoken word is only a fraction of it. Pay attention to their body language, their tonality, eye contact, their energy, euphemisms, sarcasm, and the things they don’t say.
5. They live in the wrong location
Sometimes, you may be in a city or town and you just don't click with the men you're surrounded by. Maybe you're in a rural area and you like city guys, or maybe you're in a city but prefer a cowboy. In any case, you probably won't be able to connect if you don't have things in common.
If you think that you're not getting along with the guys in your area, seek out a different area — go to different hangouts and scenes.
6. They don't take care of themself
Men care about this, but not in the ways you think — we don't care what brand your shoes are — but we do notice if you take care of yourself. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising, and even what you eat.
Now, you don't need to go overboard, and this shouldn't be a determining factor in a relationship. But if you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans without any makeup and your friends are doing a little something to make themselves appealing, most men's eyes are going to go for those girls first.
It's not that you aren't appealing, but by the time he gets to you, he's already taken by the girl who put in a little extra effort. Also, things like staying in shape are important. A healthy body is connected to a healthy mind.
Individuals lacking close and loving relationships often experience difficulties with self-care because of a diminished sense of self-worth and difficulties in regulating emotions and behaviors. One study concluded that this lack of self-care can manifest in neglecting physical health, engaging in harmful behaviors, and struggling with negative thought patterns.
7. They're hung up on an ex
Whether you're still seeing him or still dreaming about him, the ex is getting in the way and leaving you nothing but an empty bed. Sometimes the memory of an ex will keep you from investing in another man.
The ex will make you see other men as just a passing phase on the way back into the ex's arms. Other times, the men you're dating will catch wind that you're still in love with your ex. If this is the case, many men will split before they get attached and subsequently hurt when you and the ex rekindle the spark — even if it's just for a night.
8. They're judgmental and insecure
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock
Most men do not care to be around women who are full of judgments about people and life. It's negative, saps out the fun, and motivates us to be on guard with what we say and how we act. The result: we don't feel free when we're with you.
Hating other women only reveals your insecurity and weakness of character. People say men are visual, and we are, but we're also discerning when it comes to character.
9. They're jaded
Whether you've been hurt or taken advantage of before, it's yesterday's baggage. It has no place in the present.
When you put up your walls, men cannot "see" you, and will lose interest quickly. Courage and confidence are attractive to every gender. When we have to watch out for things that may scare you or bring up bad memories, it sucks away the energy we would put into seducing and enjoying you.
The past is finished, and you should move on from it and enjoy your present, because holding onto bad things can make you bitter, and you carry that with you when you meet men. Let go, forgive, forget, or whatever helps you claim back your happiness and power.
The lack of love and belonging can create a vicious cycle where individuals develop a jaded perspective as a coping mechanism, which in turn further hinders their ability to connect with others and fulfill their fundamental need for love and belonging. However, research argues that individuals respond to loneliness and rejection in different ways, and support systems and coping strategies play a significant role in determining the long-term impact.
10. They can't accept compliments or kind gestures
Rejecting a compliment can be humble, only to a point. When it continues, you are essentially rejecting a man's attempt at loving you. We want to tell you and show you that we think you are beautiful.
Whether or not you agree with the delivery is a separate matter. Can you accept it with grace and appreciation?
11. Desperation drips off of them
It is an energy frequency that repels everyone, men and women alike. Desperation is the fullest expression of fear.
Get out of your head and be in the moment. Enjoy what is happening and do not attach to any outcome. Desperation is a state of mind that takes you over and drives you repeatedly to "Singleville."
12. They can't be by themself
Men are disenchanted by the woman who always has to have company and can't be by herself. If a man calls you and you're in the company of another man every time, he'll feel unneeded and wonder why he should even bother with someone who's always so occupied.
Research suggests that the difficulty some individuals experience with being alone when they lack love is a complex interplay of insecure attachment styles, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and the impact of loneliness. These factors create a cycle where a lack of love fuels the fear of being alone, leading to potential challenges in forming healthy relationships and experiencing emotional well-being.
13. They don't actually want to be loved
Whether you admit it or not, you may be single because you want to be. You may enjoy going out with girlfriends and playing the field.
You may not want the attachment of a serious partner, or you may just not be very good at commitment. In any case, some single women just want to be single; some want to be single subconsciously.
If you're asking "Why am I single?" but then not returning the calls of interested men, or going out for drinks every weekend to meet a new beau, these are behavioral signs that you, at core, don't want to be tied down. Sometimes being single is just what you want.
Whatever is keeping you single has very little to do with anything outside of yourself. Your perceptions about men, yourself, the meaning you put into the little things, and your beliefs are all most likely in need of an overhaul. We are all energetic, vibrating beings. Confidence, fun, depression, bitterness—they all vibrate at specific frequencies. What's your typical frequency?
The good news is that vibrations, perceptions, and beliefs can always be changed. You can remove the labels you've put over your beautiful self that stop you from reaching your full, unclouded potential.
How To Meet The Man Of Your Dreams is made up of relationship experts who aim to empower men and women with knowledge and confidence to help them find love and happy relationships.
