Wives Who Don't Want Intimacy Anymore Usually Give These 11 'Nice' Excuses
They're constantly avoiding the subject.
Goksi | Shutterstock Even though physical affection in our relationships is a largely indicator of health and closeness, a survey conducted by Talker Research argues that nearly 25% of people want “a break” from physical intimacy. They feel pressured into affection and largely anxious about making space for it, especially alongside shifts in their lives, relationships, and personal identity.
Many wives who don’t want intimacy anymore usually give these “nice” excuses. At the end of the day, they’re desperately trying to create distance between affection that feels forced, instead crafting alone time for themselves to cope with the stress and strain of life. From low self-esteem to emotional disconnection in their relationships, some women feel like they have to make an “excuse” to avoid this shared closeness amid internal chaos.
Wives who don’t want intimacy anymore usually give these 11 ‘nice’ excuses
1. ‘I’m too tired’
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According to a study from the National Sleep Association, one in four married couples regularly skip physically intimate moments because they’re “too tired.” While it’s true that many couples who still sleep in the same room or do not prioritize their sleep enough could actually be dealing with subtle sleep deprivation problems, for some partners it’s nothing more than an excuse.
Wives who don’t want intimacy anymore usually give these nice excuses like “I’m too tired” when they’re feeling disconnected. For a slew of reasons, from self-esteem to disrespect in the relationship, they feel more comfortable making an excuse to avoid intimacy than addressing the issue head-on.
2. ‘I don’t feel well’
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If you’re feeling uncomfortable or ill at home, of course you’re not going to want to do strenuous activities or even lean into affection that’s not natural. However, if you’re actually feeling fine and using these excuses to avoid intimacy, chances are you’re only sabotaging trust and connection with a partner.
Even if it offers fleeting comfort and a sense of safety to a wife who doesn’t want intimacy anymore, it’s not worth it for the sake of a relationship — especially if you want to continue being with your partner for life.
3. ‘Can we just talk?’
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“Can we just talk?” might feel like a healthy phrase in a relationship, but when it’s always used to avoid physical affection and closeness, it could be more avoidant and toxic than it seems. According to a study from Scientific Reports, it’s actually this physical closeness and affection that cultivates relationship satisfaction, not just emotional or communicative moments.
So, if a wife doesn’t want intimacy anymore, it probably stems from emotional disconnection or internal stress, but she’ll still use the guise of a conversation to distract her partner from affection.
4. ‘I’m not in the mood’
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There’s a misconception that couples have to be “in the mood” to connect with each other on a physical or emotional level. In many cases, these moments are more powerful when couples come together amid their chaos, stress, and frustration. Especially if they have the communicative skills and emotional intelligence to regulate when they’re together, it’s these moments that solidify their connection.
That’s why couples who have regular check-ins with each other, regardless of their mood or schedule, are often happier and more connected. On the other hand, there’s resentment, frustrated wives holding onto their frustrations, and using excuses like “I’m not in the mood” to self-isolate at home.
5. ‘You’re in the dog house’
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When a couple has grown transactional, physical affection becomes something to withhold and weaponize, rather than a natural, unconditional part of a relationship. By making affection transactional, a wife who feels regularly disconnected or disrespected can hold it above their partner’s head, trying to craft change by leveraging basic needs, rather than having an uncomfortable conversation.
As psychology researcher Mags Lesiak suggests, weaponizing affection is a means of control, not safety, whether it’s subconscious or not.
6. ‘I have too much on my mind’
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When there are a million thoughts circling in their minds and stressors resting unresolved in their daily lives, it’s not surprising that these women struggle with being present with their partners. They’re so overwhelmed internally that even small daily tasks feel impossible, let alone crafting time for quietness and quality time with their partners.
“I have too much on my mind” is one of the “nice” excuses that wives make when they don’t want intimacy anymore. They’re either disconnected from their partners or too stressed to consider it, but regardless, they’re avoiding it with excuses and justifications like this.
7. ‘Can you just hold me?’
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While closeness is often a key component of a couple’s intimate relationship, according to psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, it’s not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. In fact, phrases like “Can you just hold me?” can often be a sign of a misguided coping mechanism for a couple that’s not having hard conversations or healthily resolving conflicts.
If a couple lacks an emotional safe space to be expressive, chances are physical affection like this is a fleeting means to feel secure. They want to be held by the person who’s not showing up to hold them emotionally amid the chaos of life — they’re trying to fake that experience in other forms.
8. ‘I’m not talking about this right now’
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Avoidance isn’t just spending more time at work or going to bed later to avoid literal, physical intimacy — it’s also disconnecting emotionally from conversations and using phrases like “I’m not talking about this right now.” Truly healthy, connected couples lean into the discomfort of hard conversations, but often come out on the other side feeling more connected, grounded, and at ease.
Even if it feels scary to open up and have these conversations with a partner you’ve grown apart from, they’re necessary. As experts from Johns Hopkins University agree, it’s these communicative habits that bond couples closer together and strengthen their entire intimate relationships.
9. ‘I just showered’
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Instead of getting open about why they feel disconnected or trying to resolve the issues making intimacy uncertain, wives who don’t want intimacy anymore usually give “nice” excuses like “I just showered.”
They avoid physical closeness, often because they’re emotionally disconnected from themselves or their partner, subtly over time — relying on these justifications that only throw them further into the cycle of uncertainty.
10. ‘Let’s schedule it for another time’
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According to a study from Personal Relationships, disengagement and emotional disconnection in a relationship can often push couples to a point of “no return.” They’re no longer interested in physical intimacy or emotional conversations, because they simply don’t care.
Wives who regularly feel unheard and unseen emotionally are more likely to dislike intimacy and steer clear of it with excuses like “let’s schedule it for another time.” They are actively defending themselves against forced physical closeness, especially with someone they feel so innately disconnected from in their everyday lives.
11. ‘I don’t want you to see me like this’
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While self-esteem does tend to grow with age, many women struggle with their self-image and body image later in life in the face of toxic, misguided beauty standards. Especially in the framework of their relationships, experiencing this kind of low self-esteem can push them away from closeness and intimacy with their long-term partners.
Wives who don’t want intimacy anymore may be coping with avoidance — trying to sneak away from quality time and physical intimacy with excuses like “I don’t want you to see me like this.” While it might provide some fleeting comfort and control, in the end, it only throws them into a longer spiral of uncertainty, disconnection, and insecurity.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
