Wives Who Go To Bed Before Their Husbands Every Night Usually Feel These 11 Things They’ll Never Admit
Women who go to sleep before their husbands usually keep some thoughts and feelings close to their chest.
Niko Pacheco / Shutterstock There are the little routines in a marriage that people don't tend to talk about, and going to sleep at a different time than one's spouse is one of them. When wives go to bed before their husbands every night, it might seem like a normal practice, but underneath it all, they are usually feeling things they don't want to admit.
She may be exhausted and just want some rest. However, when this type of nighttime behavior becomes consistent, there is often more going on for her than wanting to catch some extra z's.
Wives who go to bed before their husbands every night usually feel these 11 things they'll never admit
1. She's a little lonely, even when everything's fine
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There's just this tiny, creeping feeling that women feel when they're the ones always going to bed before their husbands. Even if they're spending time throughout the day together, there's just something comforting about being able to turn over and know that he's lying right there, trying to go to sleep as well.
"Many longtime partners experience loneliness due to stress, unspoken resentments, or simply growing apart," explained psychologist Mark Travers. "Recognizing daily acts of kindness and practicing forgiveness can revitalize the bond."
The loneliness might not be overwhelming, but it doesn't mean it's not there. When she's reaching over to feel the side of the bed and notices that it's empty because he's still bopping around the house, it hits her. It's fleeting, sure, but it's proof that she wants his company in bed with her as well.
2. A sense of being out of sync with him
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Just because they're living in the same house doesn't mean she feels connected with him all of the time. Even when she's laughing and sharing this life with him, when the sun goes down and it's time for bed, that rhythm can quickly disappear.
"Imbalance results from underlying problems you need to address — whether problems to solve, work to equalize, appreciation to increase, or simply support to magnify. The key is working together as equals, saying what you need and want, raising problems, and proposing solutions," suggested licensed therapist Bob Taibbi.
Whether he's scrolling on his phone while sitting in bed beside you, or fully sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV, it's just a reminder that your evenings are simply not lining up. It's even more prominent when she used to fall asleep beside her husband every single night, and now, those moments are few and far between. It might not be a huge deal, but it's enough to make her nighttime routine feel a bit more empty.
3. Secret enjoyment of the quiet
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One of the more surprising feelings that a woman might feel when she's not going to bed with her husband is the relief of being able to fall asleep quietly and without disturbance. It's not that she doesn't enjoy the fact that they sleep together, but she enjoys that little pocket of time when he's still busy and isn't yet ready to come to bed.
So now, she has the entire space to herself. For just a few more hours, everything is calm. She can think without the interruption of hearing him bang around in the bathroom or having to slip an eye mask on because he still has the light on. It might not happen every single night, so when it does, she has to cherish it completely.
4. Feeling like the boring one
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She's not actually boring at all, but watching her husband stay up late and have fun while she's already tucked into the covers can make it feel as if she's missing out on something fun. There's a tiny voice in the back of her head wondering if she's being too serious about everything, even if that's not the case at all. It's funny because she knows there's nothing she's actually missing out on, and getting her sleep is probably more important.
Half of the time, she's way too exhausted to even join her husband in the late-night movie that he's watching on the couch. But it's just the act of seeing someone else enjoy their freedom late at night that leaves this sour feeling in her chest, as if she's missing out on something really great.
5. Mild insecurity
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Even in the happiest and loving marriage, going to bed before her husband can bring about feelings of insecurity that she tries desperately to bury deep inside. It's not the kind that will cause drama or conflict, but it's usually just the thoughts that permeate her brain late at night while she's lying alone in bed.
"While many people tend to think that insecurity comes from something their partner said or did, the reality is that most insecurity comes from inside ourselves," insisted psychotherapist Jennice Vilhauer.
Just for a split second, she's worried that her husband's desire to stay up later and come to bed long after she's asleep is because of her. As irrational as these thoughts may be, that doesn't stop the little voice in her head from piping up. Even if her husband genuinely enjoys spending time with her and has no problem with the routine she has of going to bed before her, it still doesn't shake the insecure moments.
6. Worry that they're slowly building separate routines
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Going to bed before your husband may seem harmless, but over time, it can leave a woman wondering if they're floating through life on two different wavelengths. She's just worrying that they're building these separate routines despite living under the same roof. The nights that the two of them once shared together are no more, and that realization can be hard for her to swallow.
"That feeling disconnected from your partner, for whatever reason, can be incredibly uncomfortable and stressful," said psychotherapist April Eldemire.
The days where they're both up and awake might be fine, but the evenings are starting to feel as if she's living one life and her husband is living another. It's enough to make her pause and wonder if it's something she should bring up, even though she knows she'll never admit it out loud.
7. Frustration when he wakes her
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There's just this small amount of irritation that bubbles up whenever she's sound asleep, and suddenly there's noise and the bed is shifting because her husband is getting into it. She's already extremely comfortable and drifting off into REM sleep when suddenly she's forced awake because her husband is coming in.
The frustration isn't about the fact that he's being inconsiderate, but that it would all be avoided if he just went to bed at the same time that she did. While she knows she'll eventually fall back asleep, the annoyance of it all can feel heightened since she's still half-asleep.
8. Regret for missing small gestures
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While there are perks of being able to go to bed by herself, she has moments when she misses the small gestures of comfort. It could be something as simple as getting a little kiss goodnight or even the whispered conversations that the two of them would have before drifting off to sleep.
"Each day, we make emotional bids to those in our lives — little moments of attempted connection. These bids hold great meaning for our relationships. People in thriving relationships tend to respond positively to each other’s bids most of the time," explained social psychologist Amie M. Gordon.
They might not mean much in the grand scheme of their marriage, but missing them makes the nights feel a bit lonelier. It's usually these moments where she feels more connected to him. They might be fleeting, but that doesn't mean she isn't cherishing them as much as the big moments that happen while the two of them are awake and tackling the day.
9. Excitement for the morning time together
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While the nights may feel a little bit lonely, she knows that the mornings will yield some much-needed time spent together. She looks forward to those shared times. It could be something as simple as knowing that she'll get to brush her teeth next to her husband by the bathroom sink, or that they'll both be bustling around the kitchen for breakfast before going to work.
It's the simplest of times, but it's still time spent with him, especially after not being able to have that routine before going to bed. It's a chance to laugh, recap the night before, and even make some small plans for the day ahead.
10. Envy of his flexibility
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Compared to her, she knows that her husband has no problem staying up late and scrolling on his phone, watching a movie into the wee hours of the morning, or even spending his evenings outside of the house hanging out with his friends. She can't help but feel that familiar prickle of envy at the fact that he has that kind of freedom.
Sure, she can easily join him, but knowing that she has a routine the next day keeps her glued to the bedtime schedule that she has. Meanwhile, her husband isn't bound by his own rules, instead choosing to do whatever he wants into the late hours of the night. Seeing it might make her secretly wish that she could be that carefree, even if it's for something as simple as going to bed.
11. Nostalgia for when they went to bed together
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She can't help but remember the times when going to bed together was inevitable. There's something so comforting about the memories of her husband beside her and the cuddles that they would share at night. It's not that she's any less happy now, but she can't help but miss those moments. She can't help but reminisce on the routine that they had together and how it coincided with each other.
They could've been busy the entire day and only got a glimpse of each other briefly in the morning, but she knows that by the time she's going to bed, she'll get that uninterrupted time with him. Even if it's brief and they're both bone-tired, it was something that she looked forward to. Now that it's gone or doesn't happen as frequently, she can't help but spend some time looking back on it with fondness.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
