7 Ways The Most Desirable Women Avoid Becoming The Dreaded Clingy Girlfriend
Preserve your independence and keep your relationship thriving.
Oneinchpunch | Canva Nearly every woman has experienced some version of the breakup I went through years ago.
"You're too clingy," he said, after a breakup speech that left a knot in my gut. "But, I thought things were going well," I replied as I felt the sudden sharp urge to crawl under the table. Ouch.
Have you ever had someone dump you or pull away without warning because they thought you were too clingy? This kept happening to me in different ways until I finally learned some critical lessons about relationships. Most impactful? The ones that explored the deeper reasons why I so often appeared clingy without even realizing it.
7 ways the most desirable women avoid becoming the clingy girlfriend:
1. Let the other person pick up the ball on occasion
Are you the one initiating contact every time? Do you do it frequently? Even if you're excited about a new relationship, pull back a little and let them come to you.
Don't go overboard and start ignoring them. Quite the contrary. When it comes to communication, make sure you aren't flooding your beloved's inbox only to receive a trickle in return.
2. Follow your passions
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Over and over again, people tell me they're looking for a partner who has serious interests outside a relationship. So many people make someone else "their world," and this is, frankly, a huge mistake.
Falling in love with your own life means searching for your own job fulfillment, pursuing your own hobbies and goals, and not sacrificing any of it when someone new pops into your life.
3. Don't neglect your people or force your lover to neglect theirs
Say it with me: "I will not neglect my friends or family for my relationship, and I will not get possessive of my partner's private time with their people."
Keep space in your life for people other than your partner and vice versa. Vow to never, ever blow your friends off to hang out with someone new.
4. Until you're exclusive, date more than one person at a time.
This one is tricky, and most experts mention it, but frankly, that's because it works. Dating more than one person before the "exclusivity talk" is one big secret that lots of successful daters use to their advantage.
The reason this works is that when you're actively playing the field, you simply don't have as much time to focus only on one person to the point that you begin to smother them.
5. When you feel they're pulling away, give it more time
One big sign of clinginess is that your imagination runs wild when patterns in the relationship change (whether it's legit or not). For example, say he always calls on Thursday, but this week hasn't called.
This is not a reason to get unhinged and start obsessing about their coming departure from your life. It's just an example, but if you have a tendency to dwell and analyze, focusing on "the end" can actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy and sabotage the relationship.
6. Avoid focusing too much on they do when away from you
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When a relationship is new, it's easy to actually create problems that aren't there by wondering what he's doing 24/7.
When you start worrying about what they're up to all the time, you're giving all your power away on a silver platter. Putting tabs on them reeks of insecurity and will make them feel like you don't trust them.
7. Let past relationships stay in the past
Don't try to compete with their mythical "ex." I talk to people all the time who are worried about the relationship their new partner had with their ex and how they measure up. This reeks of desperation and insecurity.
Develop your own policy about exes. Don't compare and contrast your new partner to your ex out loud or otherwise.
One reason for this unfortunate "it's not me, it's really you" situation is that you've attached yourself to the other person like you were boarding the last lifeboat off the Titanic. Whether it was because you felt insecure or you simply didn't know any better, acting desperate and clingy is a one-way ticket for the ocean liner to break up town.
You can learn from past mistakes, yours or mine, and figure out how not to be clingy in a relationship. Doing so will help preserve your independence and keep your relationship thriving.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves to improve their relationships.
