Why Smart Women Date Multiple Men At Once

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woman at a bbq with two men

I was never very good at playing the field because I lacked the confidence to juggle several men at once.

I wasn't even comfortable dating two guys at a time — I felt sneaky and unethical. I didn’t know how to deal with two men texting and calling me and how to handle their sexual advances. I was afraid if a guy found out I was dating someone else, he would drop me.

When I was smitten with a new man, I immediately declined date invitations from other men. If I casually slept with a man, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. I'd throw all my eggs into his basket, we'd date until he faded into the night and left me alone once again.

Why women should date multiple men

1. When you focus on dating one man, it limits your opportunities to meet your ideal life partner.

Dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels. You invest your time, energy and emotions in a man and then weeks or months later you decide he’s the wrong guy. You become intimately involved with a so-so man, you put another notch on your bedpost and he dumps you. OUCH! For this you forfeited opportunities to date a variety of men, and possiblyone who could have been your perfect match

As long as you are respectful to the feelings of the men you date, it is OK to date several guys at once, because it’s the path to finding a man who will share a meaningful, committed relationship with you.

2. It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous men.

Some women instinctively know the traits and qualities they truly value in a life partner. Others learn through trial and error and heartbreak. Evaluating men with your intellect, and not your emotions, can fast track you to the right man.

3. It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills.

Having the amorous attention from two (or more) men has a way of making a woman feel desired and empowered, increasing your confidence and self-assurance. Dating is like interviewing for a job; with each interview (date) you hone your communication skills, you become more at ease with the interview (dating) process, and you learn to more accurately assess the potential of a job position (man).

4. It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.

If you fall in love quickly and then romanticize and obsess about the outcome of a possible relationship, you need a reality check. Keeping a diary while dating two men can help you curb your infatuation and sentimental longings. Record both men’s desirable traits, as well as their objectionable behavior and then heed the facts.

A guy may be handsome, successful and intriguing, but he lacks the qualities necessary to maintain a long-term relationship.

5. It sends a man the subliminal message: he'll have to work to win your heart.

Men are not stupid; they can know when you are dating another man. The fact you are dating someone else tells him you are worth pursuing. If he really likes you, his competitive nature will kick in. However, if you flaunt that you are dating other men, and he isn't serious about dating you, he may decide it takes too much effort to pursue you.

Now, send yourself an note: A man is not your boyfriend until he tells you you're the woman of his dreams, he wants you to meet his mom, he's closing his online dating account and he wants you to do the same, and then he asks you if you prefer yellow gold or white gold jewelry.

Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.