6 Signs Your Relationship No Longer Fits, Even If You're Too Stubborn To Admit It
Sometimes love changes, and so do we.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Something about your relationship doesn't feel like it fits anymore, so you've been wondering if you should stay or go. There might even be subtle signs your relationship is over, but still, you can't help but wonder, "Should I break up with my boyfriend (or girlfriend)?" After all, you want to be sure before you decide it's time to break up and move on.
I’m well aware of the feeling. I had several relationships over the years that went nowhere, but I convinced myself just to stay and give them a try, even when I was already 99 percent sure they wouldn’t work out. But knowing when to break up can save you valuable time and energy, so if you're on the fence about your relationship's future, looking for sure signs can help you decide what to do next.
Here are 6 signs your relationship no longer fits, even if you're too stubborn to admit it:
1. You have a nagging feeling
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If you've been wondering, "Should we break up?" find a quiet moment to evaluate how you feel deep down about your partner.
Are you dying to commit further to this person? Or, deep down, do you feel like you should run?
It is so easy to know what you should do — and just as easy to not get it done. This is why we’re not all in great shape, hang on to bad relationships, and generally settle for less than we deserve. The problem is that if you have ignored your gut for so long, you can mistake your internal compass for fear, anger, or boredom.
Here’s how to know if your gut feeling about your relationship is a genuine one: Think back to the last time when you and your partner were truly happy together, and you were enjoying yourself. Picture it vividly.
Do you still have a terrible, nagging feeling about the relationship? If you still feel like the relationship is wrong for you, it likely is.
2. Your friends and family don't like your partner
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Do your friends try to cross the street when you bring your partner around? Have they tried telling you your relationship might not be a good idea?
Are they just not present like they used to be? Can you tell they aren’t happy for you? The fact that all of your friends hate your significant other is a strong sign of trouble. To be clear, they can’t stand, loathe, and/or have tried to talk you out of continuing the relationship.
I don’t mean that you have one or two friends or family members who aren’t sure about your partner. This is a normal variation.
Unless every person you know happens to be mean-spirited, your friends and family know you best and can likely see your partner for who he or she is, with less than rose-colored glasses.
A consistent dislike of your partner from friends and family can be a red flag in a relationship. Research suggests this could be due to potential incompatibility that may warrant careful consideration and potentially require intervention.
3. You seek other people's approval of your partner
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Do you need to encourage everyone you know to like your partner? If you've tried to gain approval for your relationship from the other people who are important to you, listen up.
People who are feeling happy and confident about being in good relationships aren’t out there trying to convince others to like their partner. Your partner should come organically, without you trying to sell people on their positive attributes.
Ask yourself what is causing you to want to seek out other people’s approval for your partner because it could be a sign you should break up.
4. You make excuses to justify your partner's behavior
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Have you had to make excuses for your partner, like they were tired, sick, angry, or just didn't like someone/something? Do you feel you need to apologize to others for your partner’s behavior regularly?
Excuses are a big sign that you’re looking past glaring red flags in your relationship. You should be proud of your partner and how they handle things. If you're not, breaking up might not be a bad idea.
According to a 2021 study, making excuses for a partner's behavior can be a sign that a relationship is unhealthy. It can erode self-esteem, enable negative behaviors, hinder communication and trust, and create a sense of powerlessness.
5. Your partner shows some pretty big warning signs
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When your partner has glaring red flags — like they can't hold down a job, or are borderline abusive — but chooses to stay out of love, you're in trouble.
Breaking up with someone you love looks daunting, and you don't want to do it. But love alone does not create a good relationship. You may love someone dearly, but if your life together doesn’t work or they don’t treat you well, it can still be the wrong relationship.
Counseling and working on your relationship is well and good if you have a situation that you think you can get past. However, if all you’ve got is good, old love and everything else is in the toilet, you might want to rethink your future with this person.
6. You're not staying in the relationship for love
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When you are not in love with someone but are staying because of your life circumstance — such as living together, shared finances, or co-parenting a pet — this is particularly insidious.
If you are staying for the dog or kids or because you don’t want to move, this is a strong sign you should break up and make a change.
Individuals grow and change, and their needs and aspirations may diverge over time. Experts at The Gottman Institute explained that when partners are heading in fundamentally different directions, it can create a rift that love may not bridge.
Although ending a relationship is difficult, the alternative is staying stuck. If you’re going to do that, you might as well own it and commit. There's no reason to worry about love anymore. You’re choosing to stay in a loveless relationship and settling for less.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves to improve their relationships.
