The Unconventional Advice That Gives Some Women An Advantage In Finding A Man
Forget "the chase." Here's the unconventional approach that helps women actually find the right man.
Portra | Canva I was accustomed to dating one man, and if that relationship didn't unfold and progress initially, it ended, I would take a break and start a new search. So when someone recommended the book Love in 90 Days by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., I decided to read it and was rather shocked when I got to the part about dating three to find one.
Her dating advice included a recommendation to seriously date three men at one time and really get to know each of them for several months with no physical intimacy during that time. So, I decided to give this new method a shot. So far, the benefits are outweighing the negatives.
The unconventional advice that gives some women an advantage in finding a man:
1. Relax your racing thoughts
When you date just one man, you tend to over-analyze everything.
This mind focus can be on how many hours since the last text message, re-reading a text or email to see if you wrote it well or made a mistake, making incorrect assumptions about what he's thinking, visualizing the wedding and where to have it, and generalized obsessive thinking that can only make you feel unstable emotionally.
2. Stop chasing him
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When you have three men courting you, you can shift your focus and look forward to the next date with a different man, while giving some space and time to the last date. Send a thank you text or email when you conclude a date, and then make plans for another adventure with one of the two other men on your list.
When a man feels chased, he usually runs away. So you are giving him space to desire a subsequent date with you.
3. Take the pressure off "the one"
When there are only two men in your dating plan, you will bounce back and forth on a list of likes and dislikes that can be unnecessary mind gymnastics. With three men, you can just relax and enjoy each one, getting to know them more deeply.
4. Slow down intimacy
When you date only one, you may rush intimacy, which can diminish the chances of a long and lasting love. By slowing the whole process down, you have a chance to dig in deep and learn about the compatibility of a long-term relationship.
The relationship will be built on a stronger foundation by delaying sleeping together.
5. Let him plan the next date
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When you thank the man for the last date without suggesting the next one, you allow him to build his interest and show that he truly wants to see you again.
This space gives you a better idea of whether he's really into you or not. If there's no proposal to see you again after a few days, he may not have a high level of interest in you, and you may need to find a replacement.
A drawback of the "dating three program" might be that you hurt or disappoint the other two men when you finally pick your one. This can be a challenge.
It's better to let the three candidates know you're on a "program of three" and why. Be honest and kind as you explain how the program actually benefits them by keeping your mind relaxed and not chasing them. If they can't handle your reasons, they may not be the one for you.
This program is not meant to be a dating lifestyle, but rather a short-term intensive for the woman who is really motivated to find and enjoy a deep and meaningful long-term relationship.
This strategy requires ample time and attention to find three eligible men to date simultaneously. Joining multiple online dating sites or singles groups will help you find men, and then once you do have three good ones, clear your schedule for a few months to give each one your time and attention.
The benefits outweigh the negatives if you're honest and upfront with the men you are dating. Keep intimacy out of it until you pick one, and you know he has also chosen you.
Have fun and enjoy the process. The result is the prize of your diligence and focus. You will feel content that you are with the best man for you, and you took your time to get to know him and let him know you. Then, embrace the next stage and invest in a fabulous relationship with him.
Lisa J. Shultz is a consultant, speaker, and award-winning author who specializes in writing non-fiction, self-help, and inspirational books. She is the author of Lighter Living: Declutter. Organize. Simplify.
