7 Unfortunate Signs You Love A Low-Value Man
Women don't want to invest their time, energy, and emotions in a man like this.
AJR_photo | Shutterstock The man you choose to spend your life with is the most important decision you'll ever make. It will influence your future health and happiness and, consequently, the future health and happiness of all your family and friends. A man can exhibit one or two potential red flags and still be a good choice, but whether it's putting you down or criticizing your every move, these are just some of the unfortunate signs you love a low-value man.
If a man continually exhibits these red flags, he's not only a bad partner for you romantically, but is likely not a good person either. At the end of the day, you should never force a relationship for the sake of it, especially when you know in your heart and soul that you're not compatible.
Here are 7 unfortunate signs you love a low-value man
1. He can't tolerate you saying 'no'
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Sometimes, you might unintentionally put your own meaning upon a man's actions. You could have been doing this throughout all your romantic experiences, not realizing there are consequences to grossly misinterpreting those intentions. So how do you really know if he can tolerate a "no"?
Provided you're totally present with a man, and he's totally present with you, if you say "no" to being touched or grabbed, or anything else, and he just gets angry at you for not giving him what he wants, it's one of the glaring unfortunate signs you love a low-value man. If, in response to your boundaries or saying "no," he wants to bring you down for it, and can't engage lovingly and playfully with you, or even laugh in enjoyment with you when you say "no," the same goes for that as well.
As adjunct professor of counseling ethics Dr. Christopher S. Taylor put it, "Negotiation can quickly turn into manipulation when people don’t understand how to communicate in a healthy manner. This is especially true if people never learned that they won’t always get their way. People who haven’t achieved emotional and intellectual maturity often don’t know how to handle disappointment, which can cause them to pressure others to get what they want."
2. He puts you down
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Putting a woman down is an insecure man's way of trying to keep her chained to him, reducing her self-esteem, and making her feel like her "other options" in men are limited. The more a man can make a woman doubt herself, the more likely a small man can make his woman feel small too.
As a study published in Europe's Journal of Psychology found, women can get stuck in this situation because they tend towards feeling guilty more than men do, and some men sense this about women and can play on it. They keep women hooked on a relationship with them by inducing guilt.
What's bad about this trait is not necessarily that the man has this quality, it's the fact that many women tolerate it. You get what you tolerate, so be an inspiration and don't tolerate being treated poorly. If a man puts you down and doesn't treat you as an equal, consider him a low-value person who doesn't deserve to be in your life.
3. He's overly concerned about his image
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When a man is concerned about the way others perceive him, and everything he does is for show, consider this another of the unfortunate signs you love a low-value man. How can you trust a man who spends more energy painting an image than he spends in his actual business? How can you trust a man who spends more energy defending himself than he does revealing himself?
Often, a man who is image-focused can't stay connected because he's too afraid and feels unworthy. He's overly focused on his image because he thinks that will make him worthy of connection. But don't fall for it. Some men will risk almost anything for the appearance of status, and status is still for power.
4. He chooses low-value friends
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Sometimes, out of fear, a man will chronically choose less-than-average friends. Sometimes it's because he feels mediocre and, because of that, his ego feels afraid at the thought of associating with people who are "ahead" of him. Now, just because he has friends like this, it doesn't automatically mean he's low-value; rather, he could be in transition from certain friends to new friends, or he could be trying to influence his friends to become better.
But there are men out there who purposefully never make friends with men who are better than them. The man you love may not feel good enough, and wants to hide from the reality and challenge of making something of his life. For high-quality men, however, he's fine with his friends being more accomplished than him because he wants friends from all walks of life.
"If a man doesn't know how to have men friends then he's got major social skill deficits. If you're going to partner up with someone who has no idea of how to make and keep friends, then you're partnering up with someone who's got a long future of friendlessness ahead of him and his future as a mate overlaps heavily with your future," marriage and family therapist Steven Ing revealed.
5. He's quick to criticize others
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When we feel like we're not enough and not striving for more, we put others down and criticize them. It's because we need to maintain our place of comfort. If we brought others up instead, we'd have to acknowledge the place we're at is not ideal, and sometimes, that's too painful.
Criticizing others is the tool of a man who feels scared, who doesn't want change, who likes to stay small, and who sees the world from a place of scarcity. Other people's success is at odds with his own. He's not willing to learn from others, especially the woman who loves him, and is critical to feel more in control of his own shortcomings.
6. He's stingy to everyone
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A low-value man is so out of touch that he's not attuned to your feelings. Instead, he lavishes you with gifts, attempting to buy your love. Now, this really isn't about money. If a man isn't generous to any degree, it's a reflection of how he feels about the world, and the resources available in the world, and it's a sign he doesn't feel confident taking charge and being resourceful.
A man who doesn't feel very capable will be more stingy. A man who isn't generous keeps himself small. If he's stingy, he may not be a very resourceful man, either. And a woman who is okay with a man being stingy is letting him stay small. It will also influence you, because if you spend enough time with him, you will also stay small and think small.
"In loving relations, partners want to give and receive care, warmth, help, and gifts. Why remain in a relationship where these important things are not forthcoming? A stingy person will always have trouble giving — whatever the specifics of the circumstances," philosophy professor Aaron Ben-Zeév said.
7. You feel physically ill when you're around him
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If you feel physically ill in his presence, this is perhaps one of the most obvious yet unfortunate signs you love a low-value man. That's because your body doesn't lie. And this doesn't mean it's because he has food in his teeth or bad breath. If you aren't attracted to a man for very specific traits outside of physical appearance, he may not be the right guy for you.
As licensed clinical social worker Brendon Comer summed it up, "Strong reactions of repulsion — ick — may indicate that a part of us feels emotionally jolted by what just happened. This revulsion could be a serious red flag signaling danger within this relationship, or it could be an ongoing strong sensitivity that can be attended to without jeopardizing the relationship."
Renée Wade is an author, coach, thought leader, and founder of The Feminine Woman, whose expertise is in relationships and femininity.
