Men Who Make Terrible Partners Say These 11 Phrases Without Realizing It

A man's intentions for a woman are not always so obvious. Many women will try to make sense of what a man says rather than simply listening to his actual words. People with a tendency to stick their foot in their mouths regret it later and feel that they should’ve been silent or thought about what they were about to say before they said it. It doesn't matter if it's in a relationship or marriage, men tend to find a way to mess things up by what they say, while women mess things up by letting them slide.

When someone has to decipher and separate what you are saying from what you meant, then it's only a matter of time before the relationship begins to break down. No one is perfect, but the way you phrase something and the tone you use can have consequences if taken offense. It's important to remember this doesn't necessarily make them a bad person, just a bad partner for you.

Men who make terrible partners say these 11 phrases without realizing it

1. 'My ex was crazy'

a man tells his girlfriend that his ex was crazy even though she never asked WBMUL | Shutterstock

Many women can act a little insane towards the men that they date or used to see. Things like stalking him online or constantly texting him when he is in another relationship are very real realities. However, men will label any ex-girlfriend of theirs as crazy simply because she walked away. Calling someone crazy or speaking ill of them after a breakup shows a lot more about you than them. You chose this person after all, which shows other people that your judgment can't be trusted if your ex was as terrible as you say

Men who constantly talk about their exes often make the worst partners, as they haven't moved on from the past. When someone hasn't moved on and is in a constant untrusting mood, then they will start to project onto you, essentially placing the blame for everything that their ex did onto you. This is an unfair situation to be in, and it's best that you tap out of the relationship now. Or risk becoming the new ex he talks about with the new woman.

2. 'You're overreacting'

a man tells his girlfriend that she is overreacting PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock

When a man tells a woman she is overreacting, then chances are what she is reacting to is worse than what outsiders see, and he is simply trying to downplay the situation. This phrase makes it seem like she is being irrational or overly sensitive, even when the situation requires that both of them be as serious as they can be.

In a marriage, if a woman's feelings are invalidated, not only does it trigger psychological distress, but the happiness in the relationship goes down. When women go silent during or even after the relationship ends, then it is cause for concern. A woman who still cares will still beg, nag, or plead their case to you, but a woman who is done will walk out of your life and never speak to you again.

3. 'If you really loved me, you would'

a man tells his girlfriend that if she really loved him then she would do what he wants her to do fizkes | Shutterstock

Demanding that someone do something for you based on their devotion and love for you is a classic form of emotional manipulation. If you have to force someone to do something, then it's not out of love but out of a desire to get you to leave them alone. When men say things like 'if you really loved me, then you would do this', it just shows how they weaponize women's affections for them.

Emotional manipulation is a form of coercion that breaks the partner's self-esteem down to get them to do something that they really don't want to do. Around 45% of women in relationships report experiencing some form of emotional manipulation. Whether that is through gaslighting or being given ultimatums. Just because someone loves you doesn't mean that the two of you are right together, and to suggest that they stay in a relationship with you based simply on that is asinine.

4. 'Calm down'

a husband tells his wife to calm down in a public place Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock

One of the worst things that a man can say in a marriage is for his wife to 'calm down' during an argument. Saying this phrase just makes us even more upset with you, and boy, do men know it. Not only are they aware of how angry women can get, but they actually make us upset on purpose to gauge our reactions and push at our boundaries just to see how far they can get away with it.

We fall for the bait every single time, even in extremely public spaces. Imagine your husband tells you about his affair while roaming a grocery store. Suddenly, you're upset, and he says this phrase to you. You have a right to be upset, and it's a natural reaction, but his timing is what's going to make a bunch of strangers look at you as if you're the crazy one. Men need to stop saying this line and read the room. There's a time and place to say things like this in private.

5. 'Can you just let it go?'

a man asks his girlfriend to let something go but she cannot fizkes | Shutterstock

It takes a lot of emotional intelligence and strength to be able to forgive a man who has done you wrong. For him to simply ask if you can get over it already is not only going to agitate you but make things worse for him. When men say this phrase, they are forcing their partner to forgive them and rush a process that should come naturally through changed behavior.

It's a way for them to avoid the responsibility of hurting you. Instead of rushing it, they should work actively to rebuild the trust between the two of you, but instead, expect you to simply forgive them because they said they were sorry that one time. These men make terrible partners because they lack accountability and couldn't care less for your emotional well-being.

6. 'I guess everything is my fault'

a man tries to guilt trip his girlfriend Alex_Maryna | Shutterstock

Men who make terrible partners have one thing in common, which is that they will blame everyone but themselves when things go awry. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they shut down and become defensive with you, even though you are trying to have a genuine conversation. Their insecurities will get in the way, and they believe that any negative thing you say is a direct attack on them.

An insecure man is emotionally exhausting to deal with. He will constantly have other people involved in your relationship, whether it's friends, family, or other lovers. Many women will say that it feels like you are raising a son, and this is due to their emotional immaturity. It can be challenging to solve a problem in your relationship if the other person is unwilling to do their part.

7. 'You're acting crazy right now'

a man tells his girlfriend that she is acting crazy after he provokes her Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock

If men calling their exes crazy wasn’t enough, it's now the woman that he is currently seeing who gets this title. The slightest emotional outburst or refusal to do what he says, and he will berate you for acting out of character. This is often done to deflect attention onto you when they have clearly done something wrong and refuse to take accountability for it.

It's a way to manipulate the narrative and toss accusations out there so that when the time comes, other people will confirm what he is claiming. Ladies, beware that if a man is willing to say this directly to your face, then chances are he has said much worse behind your back. Not only is he a partner who is emotionally immature, but he is also a man who lacks empathy.

8. 'I don't have time for this'

a man tells his girlfriend that he does not have time for her accusations Kmpazzz | Shutterstock

Some men unknowingly reveal their unsuitability as partners by saying that they never have time for them. A relationship isn't built on good vibes or through countless text messages, but actual conversations that go beyond surface-level interactions. People with avoidant attachment styles tend to be unavailable in relationships. They will often shy away from emotionally connecting with you when you try to get closer to them.

In marriages, husbands will often refuse to take the time to work on their marriages in therapy until their wives ask them for a divorce. These impatient verbal cues can turn women off because they do not feel emotionally safe in the presence of a man who treats them like an afterthought. Relationships take time to nurture and investments in actually getting to know someone.

9. 'You're just like your mother'

a man tells his wife that she is just like her mother as an insult Tirachard Kumtanom | Shutterstock

Comparing your partner to the parent with whom they share the worst experiences is a low-blow that's hard to come back from. A man would rather insult his wife or girlfriend by comparing her to her own mother than address the issues they have. When he fails to express himself in a calm or collected way, he resorts to insults to try to invoke an emotional response from his wife or girlfriend.

In a healthy relationship, partners try to understand and empathize with one another's backgrounds rather than using them as ammunition for arguments. This phrase can be particularly cruel because it exploits a woman's relationship with her family. It doesn't matter whether that relationship is good or bad, either. The act itself is a betrayal because she told you something in confidence.

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10. 'I never said that'

a man tell his girlfriend that he never said something that he definitely said fizkes | Shutterstock

A man claiming to never have said what you know he did say is gaslighting at its finest. This type of denial and distortion is commonly used to avoid accountability or to control behaviors. Men who make poor partners use this line to rewrite history and manipulate their partner’s reality. If this constantly occurs, then you need to trust your instincts on the situation.

Lying is an easy way to tell if you are being gaslit by a partner. The point of manipulation is to confuse and coerce you into doing or accepting their reality. So the only way to make it through it is to deny them that ability. Remember what they said, or write it down, so when they try to use this excuse, you can claim that they believed differently.

11. 'It was just a joke'

a husband tells his wife that his insult was just a joke MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

As a comedic writer, let me be the first to say that most jokes have some truth to them, and when men make them at the expense of the women they are seeing, then that is how they truly feel about them. A man can make jokes about your appearance or behavior in a crude way, and while you might not think anything of it now, after the two of you split, you'll begin to wonder why you put up with it in the first place. Teasing your partner is fine as long as you know that there are limits that you should never cross.

Joking about her family members or belittling her interests might seem funny now, but it won't be when she is giving you the cold shoulder. Men have all the audacity in the world and get mad when women don't want to deal with their nonsense. Some men are not funny, just mean, and that's okay.

Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.