11 Things Guys Get Super Insecure About
You'd be shocked how many men secretly panic over these things.
Grusho Anna | Shutterstock Many men tend to act cocky and overconfident, even if they aren’t exactly the type of guy who should be confident, but a lot of it is just a cover. Underneath the bravado, a surprising number of guys struggle with self-doubt and insecurity. Men who feel insecure often express it through anger, aggression, and rude behavior.
While women often assume men are mostly concerned with keeping a partner’s attention, the truth is, their list of worries goes way beyond that. Here are the things guys get super insecure about, even if they never admit it.
11 things guys get super insecure about:
1. Whether they can actually make women happy
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Though I have my doubts, my guy friends regularly insist that this is a primary concern of guys. They want to know if they can make a woman happy.
Research shows men have a strong desire to feel desired, meaning feeling physically and emotionally valued by a partner plays a real role in their overall happiness and the health of their relationship.
For some, it’s almost their idealized purpose in life. So yes, they want to know that they are good husbands and boyfriends as well as good lovers.
2. Their physical appearance
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Do you think girls are bad about looks? Well, yeah, we can be, but so are guys. Research shows body weight dissatisfaction among guys can shape how they see themselves, their eating habits, and even fuel muscle-obsessed behaviors.
I’ve had many guy friends who have begged me for style tips, hair tips, and even borrowed makeup from me to impress others with their looks.
3. How much money they make
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Did you know that most men identify their masculinity by how well they can provide for a woman or themselves? It’s true. For them, their ability to make money is tantamount to being a man.
Research shows that men who believe a true man should earn more than his partner tend to feel less satisfied in their relationships if that expectation isn’t fulfilled. It's a reminder of how important it is to have understanding and open communication about these hopes and values.
This is why so many guys want their wives to be stay-at-home moms, and why so many guys are uncomfortable about having a girlfriend who out-earns them.
4. Whether their personality is interesting enough
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If you take a look at a lot of self-help books for guys, you’ll notice how many guides they have that involve improving their personalities.
This is because they really worry that they’re not as fun or interesting as they think they are.
5. If they are 'man enough'
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If you haven’t already, take a look at the manly self-help sites out there. You’ll notice that one of the simplest, most pervasive themes you’ll find is just learning how to be a man. You won’t see these kinds of guides for women because, well, women understand a million different ways to be a girl.
But guys rarely get clear instructions on what a "real man" is, and there's this social assumption that they should already know. That leads to a lot of men quietly asking themselves if they're man enough or just faking it. Psychologists call this precarious manhood, and studies show it leads to genuine anxiety and overcompensation when masculinity feels threatened.
As a result, you end up with a lot of guys wondering if they’re actually being a manly man or if they’re being a fraud.
6. Their body (muscles, height, weight, and yes, that too)
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I’m not even talking about the size of their privates issue (because that’s obvious with most). The fact is that most men really are worried about their actual physique, too.
They worry about being flabby, gaining weight, not being muscular enough, and even not being tall enough. Go figure, right?
7. Not being in control of things (or people)
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From personal experience, I can say that there are a lot of men out there who really, truly can’t stand the idea that they can’t control the people around them. It’s not fun for me to say this, but it’s true, and research shows that these controlling behaviors, like keeping tabs on a partner, significantly predict physical aggression and violence in relationships.
Guys are often addicted to the idea that they can control everything, even though control is neither possible nor a healthy thing to aspire to. This is why you see a lot of guys who try to take away women’s rights, try to force women to be with them, and flip out if a woman does something he doesn’t like.
It’s about control and their insecurity about being in a world where they’re not king. Do yourself a favor and don’t try to appease a controller — it’ll only get worse and worse. Leaving is a better option.
8. What women think of them
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I can’t name how many guys have recoiled like wounded puppies when I told them exactly how little I trust men to do the right thing or why I no longer want a husband.
Even if they’re not dating the girl in question, most guys still want women to like the male gender. More importantly, guys really worry about what girls think of them in particular. So, take that as you will.
9. The idea of ending up alone
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Even if you’re the classic “flying solo” type, there will be a lot of times when you just wish you could wake up next to someone who has your back no matter what.
Whether they want to admit it or not, most men really, truly do want the “white picket fence” experience at some level or another.
In fact, statistics show that more men now want kids than women. I’ve legitimately seen some men go into a full panic because they can’t get anyone, and it's just one of many things guys are insecure about.
10. Whether their family is proud of them
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What I’ve noticed with most guys is that they aren’t very insecure about what other men think of them; it’s what girls and their families think of them that clinch it.
If you want to see how big an impact it can be, take a look at how many marriages fell apart due to in-laws, or how many guys end up total messes after they have a divorce and their kids choose to stay with mom.
11. How socially accepted they are
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Everyone wants to be liked, and men are no exception. In fact, a 2021 survey found that 15% of men say they have no close friends, and only 27% report having six or more — a steep drop from past decades.
There’s something biological about our need to feel social approval and status. If you think guys are immune to this need, you’re wrong. We all need friends, and we all need love. Too often, we forget about the male gender.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.
