11 Things A Man Should Never Have To Ask For In A Relationship
Everyone deserves to feel loved, appreciated, and heard in their relationships.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Whether we're passionately aware of it or not, our relationships are often at the core of our lives, influencing our health, well-being, and happiness on a daily basis. When we're in a healthy intimate relationship, fostering supportive friendships, and falling into a comfortable routine with colleagues at work, we feel more grounded and joyful to simply live our lives. But when things fall short and our relationships turn toxic, the same facets of our routines are negatively affected.
Many of the things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship are similar to any gender, partner, or relationship situation. We're all deserving of a few basic things in relationships — whether it's unconditional love, mutual respect, or trust — so it's not just important to make sure we're receiving these things from others, but also offering them up as partners, peers, friends, and colleagues.
Here are 11 things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship
1. Respect
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Many people recognize that mutual respect is the key to building healthy relationships, according to personal coach Marty Nemko, yet they still fall short on truly embodying what it means to respect their partner and be respected. It's one of the things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship, because it should already be the foundation of daily habits, expectations, and boundaries.
For example, healthily resolving conflict is formed in mutual respect where both partners look out for each other's best interests, cultivate a safe space to talk, and trust one another. Without respect, there's no relationship — at least, there's no healthy relationship.
2. Emotional support
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Largely due to social stigmas, toxic expectations of "masculinity," and environmental causes, men struggle to ask for help when they're struggling, according to a study from American Psychologist. Whether it's asking for support in their relationships or seeking out mental health resources in conventional ways, misguided views of masculinity and mental health tend to urge men to suffer in silence.
This phenomenon is part of the reason why a man should never have to ask for emotional support in their relationships — it should be offered without reservation or question. Of course, it's important to have the communication skills necessary to express your needs, but when it comes to picking up extra chores, giving your partner grace, and even being a safe space for emotional expression, emotional support should be a given.
3. Honesty
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Honesty is one of the things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship, because it should always inform decisions, behaviors, and actions. Whether it's having an open and honest conversation, resolving a conflict, or planning a future together, the healthiest couples always know they can trust and rely on each other to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable.
This necessary foundation is part of the reason why the healthiest long-term relationships have higher levels of trust present between partners than short-term ones — it takes time to develop over the course of a relationship, most efficiently between partners who make a consistent effort to show up for each other and build healthy habits.
Without honesty and trust, there's no relationship. It's required to ensure both partners feel safe, valued, and heard, no matter the situation or circumstances.
4. Quality time
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Whether it's trying new things together — an activity proven to be healthy for relationships and partners, according to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships — or investing time into getting to know each other's interests and hobbies, quality time is essential for partners to maintain a healthy bond.
Even with a chaotic schedule and a million responsibilities, it's one of the things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship, even if that means hanging out in the living room together for a few minutes before bed.
5. Loyalty
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Having a level of steadfast loyalty in your relationship is essential, but it's not just about commitment in a traditional sense, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Jennifer Litner, it's also about setting intentions, being reliable, and crafting a safe space no matter the situation. For example, a loyal partner will show up, give grace, and lead with empathy in a disagreement with their partner, even if they don't agree with what's being said or feel slightly unheard.
It's this commitment that keeps people growing together in their relationships, rather than giving up at every minor inconvenience or staying stagnant to the point of experiencing resentment and frustration.
Everyone, regardless of their gender, deserves to have a loyal partner without needing to ask for it in their relationships, even if that means leaning into the discomfort of open conversations, setting boundaries, and being honest with yourself about what you need.
6. Empathy
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Similar to any of the other things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship, empathy is incredibly important to every aspect of a healthy connection — from open communication, to conflict resolution, and even emotional and physical intimacy. It's not just about putting yourself in their shoes and giving kindness in the heartwarming times, but supporting partners when they're struggling, making them feel heard, even during a high-stress argument, and being there when things get tough.
Especially for men, who tend to struggle collectively with vulnerability and emotional expression in face of social stigmas, giving them grace in these situations is essential, even if you're battling your own frustration in the moment.
7. Being celebrated for his success
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Supporting and encouraging your partner to achieve their goals is just as important as celebrating them when they do. Even if you're internally battling resentment, frustration, insecurity, or comparing thoughts — a few experiences that are incredibly common and normal, even for the healthiest partners — it's possible to be there to support and empower your partner in the present moment before having intentional conversations about the latter.
When you feel pressured to ask for support or prompt your partner to celebrate you, it not only feels invalidating and less special, it sabotages the connection and bond that impromptu surprises and celebrations bring.
8. Shared responsibilities
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According to a Pew Research Center study, there are a number of relationships and households with unequal and inequitable shares of responsibility, whether it's emotional labor or more tangible tasks like doing the dishes. While these household responsibilities tend to fall on women in relationships, it's also possible for men to feel overwhelmed and obligated to overwork themselves as "the provider" of a home.
Shared responsibilities, crafted and reconsidered with regular conversations and honest consistent communication, are one of the things a partner should never have to ask for in a relationship.
Of course, a healthy partnership will never be 50/50, as someone always needs a little extra help or support and these percentages will shift. But that doesn't mean you can't work together toward a more equitable and fair dynamic at home.
9. Alone time
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Alone time in healthy relationships not only helps to spark better communication and personal growth, it also fends off toxic co-dependent habits that can spark resentment and frustration between couples. Whether it's hanging out with personal friends, indulging in hobbies, or simply relaxing on your own accord, leveraging alone time is underrated as a tool for relationship wellbeing.
Of course, it's also one of the things a man should never have to consistently ask for in a relationship, especially for the sake of their partner's comfort or internalized insecurity. When you're comfortable with yourself, your solitude, and your personal identity — all of which are cultivated through intentional alone time — you show up better in your relationships.
10. Apologies
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According to professor of psychology Karina Schumann, even if the words aren't perfect or you're feeling uncomfortable, you should always make an effort to apologize to your partner when it's appropriate. Whether it's a white lie, a small disagreement, or a more severe instance of hurt feelings, apologies are powerful tools for promoting forgiveness, bonding partners, and reducing anger and resentment in relationships.
They're also one of the things a man should never have to ask for in a relationship. Everyone should feel safe and secure enough to know that expressing their concerns and hurt feelings will result in a conversation that's both healing and comforting.
11. Consistency
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Not everyone can be "the perfect partner" all of the time — life happens. However, that doesn't mean it's completely unrealistic for someone to expect consistency in their relationship, whether that means consistent effort, love, respect, or loyalty.
It's okay to make mistakes, but expecting a partner to plead for consistency in a way that makes them feel safe and secure is the perfect way to prompt resentment and mistrust.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
