If A Man Makes You Feel These 6 Specific Emotions, He’s Probably Using You, According To Psychology
These emotions may feel confusing or even normal, but they're often red flags that you're being used.
Ivandrei Pretorius | Canva Have you ever asked yourself, 'Does he love me — or is he using me?" It's important to be able to tell if a man is using you and the signs of a toxic relationship. There is a big difference between being loved and being used.
One study argues that being used often involves a one-sided dynamic where one person primarily takes while the other sacrifices, disrupting the power balance and potentially causing mental health issues. Unfortunately, though, sometimes, when we fall into relationships, it’s hard to recognize the warning signs because we’ve been blinded by love and foolishly taught that we must sacrifice ourselves for the people we care about. While there’s something to be said for making compromises and learning to be more selfless in your relationships, you have to be smart, too.
If a man makes you feel these specific emotions, he’s probably using you, according to psychology:
1. You’re always doing something for him without anything in return
Love is all about give and take. But if you’re doing more of the giving and never taking, it might be time to pay attention. While it’s good to do things out of the kindness of your heart without keeping a ledger, you have to value yourself enough to notice when something’s not fair.
If you’re often bending over backward for a man who won’t even let you borrow his car to get to work in the morning, or lend you $5 to grab a snack at the airport when you forgot your wallet, that isn’t healthy. You’re being used.
2. You often feel like a sidekick in a one-man show
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If you realize that you are simply a sidekick or a trophy in your man’s arms, there’s a good chance you’re being used. When you’re in a relationship with the right person, you won’t simply be the person standing next to him — you’ll be the one he introduces.
You’ll be such an important part of his life and relationship that he’ll show you off to family and friends. He’ll include you in conversations. He’ll make you feel desired and loved. A 2013 study explained that this feeling arises when one person primarily benefits from the relationship while the other invests time, energy, and resources without reciprocal support or appreciation.
3. Your desires are often brushed off or ignored
In a healthy relationship, your thoughts, ideas, perspectives, opinions, and feelings are valued. If you feel that what you have to say is often brushed off or disregarded, this is one of the sure signs that you’re being used by a man.
A man who truly loves you will care about what you have to say and make it a priority to not only discuss these things with you but also make changes to help you feel more secure.
4. You don’t feel stable in your relationship or have an official promise/label
One of the sure signs you’re being used by a man is if your relationship has no real ‘title.’ If you’ve never talked about what you’re doing or what your relationship means, chances are, the man you’re with isn’t really serious about you.
Anyone who really loves you will be transparent about their feelings. He will share whether he wants to be your boyfriend or if there’s a promise for anything long-term. If you haven’t had any of these conversations, this is a sure sign you’re being used and underappreciated.
A 2017 study concluded that unhealthy relationships often involve power imbalances, where one person feels constantly on edge to keep the other happy, neglecting their own needs. When one person consistently drains your emotional resources without reciprocating or acknowledging your feelings, it can erode your sense of stability and self-worth.
5. You feel like something’s off, but don’t want to acknowledge it
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Sometimes our guts can be a foolproof means of identifying toxic or unhealthy relationships. The hard part is listening to and trusting our guts over our hearts.
If you feel that something is off with your relationship, it’s important to pay attention to those feelings. Sometimes your mind and body are trying to tell you things that your heart has ignored.
Don’t brush the warning signs under the rug! If you feel that you’re being used and mistreated, pay attention. You are the only one who can get yourself out of this relationship.
6. You don’t feel prioritized or respected
If you don’t feel prioritized or respected in your relationship, you need to leave. End of discussion.
Anyone who doesn’t care about or value you isn’t worth being with, not to mention they’re using you and your relationship for their gain.
Marisa Donnelly is a freelance writer and editor who has been featured in The Huffington Post, Bustle, Elite Daily, Better Homes and Gardens, and more.
