5 Phrases Deeply Unhappy Wives Use On A Regular Basis, According To Experts
Whether silently whispered or screamed aloud, these are words that say she has had enough.
Jacqui-Leigh Meyerson | Unsplash The contempt silently builds inside her heart and mind. She mutters phrases to herself in reply to arguments long since swept under the rug. The regularly repeated words of a deeply unhappy wife become a chant for stress relief and a wish for some kind of happiness.
The words of a miserable wife spiral in her mind until the phrases burst out with a sigh or a rage. Whether spoken calmly or delivered with anger, her words often go unheard, misunderstood, unacknowledged, or twisted into a catalyst for an unhappy marriage.
Here are five phrases deeply unhappy wives use regularly, according to experts:
1. 'If you would just...'
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A phrase that wives who are deeply unhappy in their marriages use begins with "If he would just..." says divorce attorney Jennifer Hargrave. A wife who uses this phrase is often looking to her husband or her children to change to make her happy.
Unhappy wives live their lives feeling "stuck" because they believe that the power to change their circumstances is outside of them. Which is so sad, because the truth is she's had the power all along.
When she is ready to take her power back and to no longer accept the things that are unacceptable to her, she will change her life. But that change is scary, and so many people instead choose to live their lives stuck. And unhappy.
2. 'Can I tell you how I feel about that?'
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Marriage coach Susan Allan knows how this phrase tells you they feel powerless, even to express their feelings and unmet needs about an existing situation, due to their lack of skills to motivate other people to listen to them. This can also develop from a lack of empathy from their spouse.
When a wife asks if it is okay to express her feelings, her spouse might respond nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is a key aspect of empathy because our body language telegraphs how we feel. It may be tempting to roll your eyes in disgust or interrupt, yet these two habits cause so many divorces that they aren’t worth it. A Mona Lisa smile and a loving gaze, on the other hand, help reconnection, and from that moment, love can grow.
3. 'You're right, I shouldn't feel this way'
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This phrase may sound like agreement, but it's a warning sign that a wife has emotionally checked out of her marriage, cautions therapist Dr. Gloria Brame. In the wife's head, the sentence continues: "...and yet I do feel this way. Maybe that means I need to get out of this marriage."
It's the language of someone who's given up fighting for her emotional needs. She's learned that talking about her needs only leads to dismissal, gaslighting, or being told she's the problem. She has stopped trying to be heard and started planning her exit strategy instead. She doesn't believe the dynamic will ever improve. She's simply avoiding conflict while she processes what comes next.
Ironically, husbands often interpret the phrase as agreement with their points of view. They may not even realize their wives are weighing the pros and cons of divorce.
4. 'How many times do I have to tell you?'
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Couples counselor Larry Michel says this phrase indicates deep frustration and emotional fatigue due to repeated unmet needs or ignored requests. It suggests one or both partners feel unheard, disregarded, and harbor accumulating resentment within the relationship.
This is the result of poor communication and a lack of understanding of how their partners use language and emotions to express themselves. And ultimately, it shows a lack of personal responsibility, which has to precede any communication tools they use.
5. 'Remember when we used to...'
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When a wife is deeply unhappy in her marriage and feels the relationship lacks vision or purpose, she often starts to do the next best thing: live in the past, observes writer and editor Aria Gmitter. The past will become a focal point of many conversations.
She might bring up the most positive experiences you've ever had together, fondly. The reason is that's what she's clinging to. That is what she uses to remind herself why she's in the relationship at the moment.
When there's nothing tangible to look forward to — like a date night, time alone with you, or a goal that puts you and her against the world as a team — she carries the memory of what used to be.
If you're not listening to the meaning beyond the phrase, you'll miss the fact that she's sad and feeling like the relationship is dying, and all that's left are memories.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
