10 Sad Ways A Narcissistic Wife Discards Her Husband While They're Still Married
A narcissistic wife has can make her husband feel isolated and unloved.
stockfour | Shutterstock Being in a marriage where your partner is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits and behaviors can feel as if you're always walking on eggshells. You're constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing that will inevitably set them off. Because of their quick temper and need for control, they often end up taking their frustration out on you, making a marriage feel like you're on a rollercoaster ride.
It can be especially taxing when a narcissistic wife is slowly starting to reject her partner instead of leaving completely. There are many sad ways a narcissistic wife discards her husband while they're still married, whether it's pulling back, ignoring his needs, or making him feel unlovable. It can make him feel like he's losing his grip on the relationship, and is heartbreaking and downright confusing, but once he can recognize the signs, he can decide if the marriage is worth saving.
Here are 10 sad ways a narcissistic wife discards her husband while they're still married
1. She won't show affection
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When a narcissistic wife starts to discard from her partner, she'll slowly start pulling back on the affection that she's showing. She won't give him a kiss goodbye when she's leaving, offer any warm words when they express how distant she's being, or respond to his efforts to bridge the gap and will instead be even more cold and detached.
Research has shown that affection is such a vital part of a relationship and can bring two people even closer together. So, when she's pulling away like that, it ends up reducing the intimacy altogether. He may feel that he's being pushed away and discarded even more when she does it. And suddenly, he starts to think of them as strangers in their own home and marriage.
2. She mocks or belittles him
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One of the more telling and sad ways a narcissistic wife discards her husband while they're still married is her attitude changing. While she may have been sweet, inviting, and warm at first, she'll suddenly start mocking or belittling him as a way to tear down his confidence and assert control.
"Microaggressions can have serious negative consequences for individuals' safety and well-being. It is critical to address and confront microaggression quickly and firmly to challenge discriminatory behavior and create an environment that is safe, inclusive, and respectful for all individuals," explained psychotherapist Moshe Ratson.
"Dealing with microaggressions in relationships, whether they are familial, romantic, or friendships, can be a difficult but critical element to maintaining healthy dynamics."
Being subjected to hearing these mocking insults and microaggressions can truly make him feel lonely in the marriage, and frankly, no one should put up with a partner that's showing signs of how much they dislike them.
3. She rewrites the past
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A husband may start to be told that everything is his fault, even when it's actually hers. A narcissistic wife will refuse to take accountability for her actions and will instead turn everything back on him.
He will constantly be told that he's the problem, even for things that happened years ago. She'll spin this new version of the relationship as a way to make herself feel vindicated in how she's behaving towards him.
"Abusive individuals often demonstrate extreme versions of defensiveness by rejecting feedback, blaming others, downplaying the impact of their hurtful actions, changing the topic, or claiming they are being victimized by being held accountable," licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting revealed.
4. She gives the silent treatment
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Instead of working through healthy ways of communicating after conflict or challenges, a narcissistic wife will retreat altogether. She'll start giving him the silent treatment to the point where, even if he walks into a room, she'll pretend that he doesn't exist at all. However, the silent treatment is truly destructive to any relationship.
"Silent treatment undermines the sense of safety essential for intimate sharing and connection. It's important for the targeted partner to recognize when it could be ignored or when it is abusive. It's especially important for the targeted individual to remember that they are not responsible for how a partner reacts," insisted psychologist Bernard Golden.
5. She starts planning her exit but blames him
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When a narcissistic wife ends up discarding her husband while still married, she may actually be planning her exit, but will make sure to tell everyone that it's his fault the relationship didn't work out. Again, instead of being able to take accountability for her role or even pointing out that she may have been the sole reason the marriage is falling apart, she'll put everything else on him.
She's claiming that he's the one who ended up pushing her away, when in actuality, it was her behavior and actions that made him feel unsafe in the marriage. Her refusing to take responsibility for her part is part of her narcissistic nature, and unfortunately, is a sign that she'll never change.
6. She makes decisions without considering him
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As a narcissistic wife starts to discard her husband, she'll soon begin making decisions and plans with consulting or including him in them. It can range from everyday things, like a change in her routine that she no longer wants her husband to be a part of, or major things, like future plans and life choices that may involve a major shift in the marriage.
Planning for the future, whether it's for things tomorrow or five years down the line is so important to the longevity of a relationship.
"If you plan to be with your partner for the long haul, communicating about what you want and need beyond the next trip to the market or to Disneyland is something you need to do. One benefit of this process is that when something in life changes the way you live, you can get back on track much more easily," explained psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith. "Being able to talk about your future together, sharing your hopes and dreams for the rest of your lives, is a true gift."
7. She uses guilt to control him
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A narcissistic wife may start to use emotional tactics when she's no longer invested in the marriage nor cares about her husband's emotions and well-being. She'll start using guilt as a way to control him and make him feel responsible for her unhappiness as well. She may tell him that if he loves her, he'll do X, Y, Z for her, even if the things she's asking for completely go against what he's comfortable with.
She'll downright ignore his needs if it means that he'll be able to meet hers first. She doesn't care about what he wants anymore, because she simply thrives on being able to have her husband living in this constant state of blaming himself and having extreme anxiety.
8. She shares private information about him publicly
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One of the incredibly invasive and sad ways a narcissistic wife discards her husband while they're still married is by no longer caring about things like loyalty. She'll slowly start to talk with others about things that he might have confided with her to stay between the two of them.
Things like his personal struggles, traumatic moments from his past, and even his insecurities, will become the dirty laundry she has no problem airing out. Gone is the trust and vulnerability that should exist between married people.
She may try to pretend that she's simply "venting" with family and friends, but there's no such thing as getting issues off her chest about her partner with loved ones to the point where she's actively violating both his privacy and dignity.
9. She ignores important dates and events
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To her husband, a narcissistic wife will soon start "forgetting" the important dates and events in their relationship, whether it's an anniversary or birthday. She won't want to celebrate or even acknowledge that the day holds even a semblance of significance.
It's clear that she's choosing to ignore or forget these dates on purpose because she no longer feels the need to nurture the relationship or show even an ounce of appreciation for her partner. Instead, her silence becomes a way for her to distance herself and put walls up between her and her husband.
If she doesn't make a big deal out of these important dates, soon the marriage will eventually fizzle out until it becomes absolutely nothing.
10. She dismisses his health and well-being
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One of the most telling signs that a narcissistic wife is choosing to discard her husband while they're still married is her complete indifference to his health, whether that be physical or mental. She no longer cares, or maybe she never even cared, about his struggles. She'll brush him off whenever he's trying to be vulnerable and open up about the pains and emotional struggles he may be facing because she truly no longer cares as that connection has faded for her.
As psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein PhD explained, narcissists lack empathy, which is how they actively hurt their relationships. "Narcissists often lack empathy for others, which means they have little concern for their partner's feelings or needs... The lack of empathy in narcissists can make their partners feel ignored or undervalued, leading to resentment and hurt," he said.
This disregard makes it incredibly difficult for a husband to feel that he's in a marriage that's a safe enough space for him to express his true feelings and needs. Without that emotional safety net, he can start to feel isolated and abandoned by someone who vowed to stay with him through thick and thin.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
