10 Signs It's Time To Cut Ties With Someone Who's Holding You Back In A Big Way
Sometimes to become better you have to let people go.
Bits And Splits | Shutterstock There's a saying that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with, and while it might sound simple, it holds a powerful truth. The relationships we nurture shape who we are, what we believe, and how far we're willing to go in life. But what happens when the people closest to us start holding us back? Whether it's a friend who constantly doubts your dreams or a partner who undermines your confidence, toxic relationships can leave us stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and stagnation. While it's tough to accept, sometimes the most loving act you can do for yourself is to walk away from those who no longer serve your growth.
Letting go of someone who’s holding you back is never easy. After all, these are the people with whom you have shared the most intimate parts of your life. They are a part of your story, yet the longer you hold on to a relationship that drains you, the harder it becomes to see the potential waiting on the other side. And while the decision to cut ties may seem daunting, it's often the most empowering choice you can make for yourself.
Here are 10 signs it's time to cut ties with someone who's holding you back in a big way:
1. You feel drained after every interaction with them
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If you consistently feel emotionally exhausted or mentally depleted after spending time with someone, then that is a huge red flag. Relationships should offer support, not leave you feeling like you've just run a marathon with nothing to show for it.
When someone constantly unloads their problems on you, it creates an unbalanced dynamic that slowly chips away at your well-being. Over time, this kind of emotional drain can impact your mood, productivity, and even your physical health. If every interaction feels like a weight rather than a lift, it may be time to seriously reconsider the role this person plays in your life.
"Being the listener, fixer, or emotional sponge can quietly erode our energy," says Kyle Davies, BSc MPhil CPsychol. What starts as empathy can easily turn into emotional burnout when there's no reciprocity or space for your own needs. It's important to recognize that supporting others shouldn't come at the cost of your own peace. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to step back and protect your emotional boundaries.
2. They're constantly negative
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Constant negativity is one of the most toxic forces in any relationship. If someone is always focusing on what's wrong or finding reasons why things won’t work out, that mindset can begin to rub off on you. Negativity is contagious; it can cloud your optimism, stifle your motivation, and make you second-guess your goals. Over time, you might find yourself shrinking your dream just to avoid their criticism or doubt.
While everyone has bad days, there's a difference between occasional venting and a persistent pattern of pessimism. A study found that persistent negativity in our social circles can significantly harm our mental health. If someone's outlook is consistently dark and they show no interest in growth or change, their energy can become a heavy anchor on your progress. Letting go of that influence might be the clarity you need to reclaim a more positive, forward-moving mindset.
3. You don't feel valued or understood
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Feeling unseen or misunderstood in a relationship can be one of the most isolating experiences, especially when it's with someone who's supposed to support you. If you're constantly explaining yourself, it's a sign that the connection lacks mutual respect and emotional safety. Everyone deserves to be heard, appreciated, and valued for who they are and not just for what they provide.
"Rather than getting defensive when feeling devalued, you can wonder why a person is trying to make you feel less valuable," says Joseph A. Shrand, M.D. When someone repeatedly dismisses your feelings, it can erode your self-esteem and leave you questioning your own sense of identity. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space, not a battlefield for validation. If you're consistently feeling undervalued, it may be time to step back and consider whether this person is genuinely contributing to your growth.
4. They are unwilling to grow or change
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Growth is a natural part of life, and the people we surround ourselves with should ideally evolve in tandem with us. But when someone remains stuck in the same unhealthy patterns or makes any effort to change, it creates a dynamic where progress becomes impossible. Whether it’s a refusal to address toxic behavior or an unwillingness to compromise, their stagnation can start to limit your own. You may find yourself constantly adjusting or lowering your standards to maintain the relationship.
"While our basic temperament may not shift much, transformation is possible, but it doesn't happen by accident," says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. Real growth requires self-awareness, a quality that not everyone is ready or willing to embrace. Holding onto someone who resists that process can keep you stuck in a version of life that no longer fits who you're becoming. Over time, this can lead to frustration, resentment, and a sense of being held back. If someone shows no desire to grow, it may be a sign that you're outgrowing the relationship, and it's time to move forward without them.
5. They encourage bad habits or self-destructive behaviors
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When someone consistently encourages you to engage in habits that harm your mental, emotional, or physical health, then it's a serious warning sign. Whether it's excessive partying, avoiding responsibilities, or pushing you toward choices that conflict with your values, this kind of influence can derail your growth and damage your self-worth.
At first, it might seem harmless, but over time, these behaviors can become patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of regret and stagnation. A supportive relationship should inspire you to become your best self, not tempt you to self-sabotage. If someone in your life regularly pulls you toward unhealthy decisions instead of encouraging better ones, it may be time to step away and protect your future from the destructive influence. The people we keep close should challenge us in healthy ways and inspire us to become better.
6. They're jealous or competitive with you
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When someone close to you is consistently jealous or overly competitive, it's a clear sign they may be holding you back. Instead of celebrating your achievements, they downplay your success or try to one-up you. This kind of dynamic can drain your energy and diminish your confidence over time. True friends or supportive partners uplift each other, rather than competing for attention or validation. If you find yourself shrinking your accomplishments to avoid making them uncomfortable or feel guilty for growing, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve to be surrounded by people who genuinely want to see you thrive.
"Since jealousy involves a comparison, the person who experiences the emotion is left thinking they do not measure up," says Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D. This inner sense of inadequacy can lead them to project their insecurities onto you, subtly trying to dim your light so they can feel more in control or superior. But you are not responsible for managing someone else's self-worth, especially at the expense of your own growth. Recognizing this pattern is the first step in reclaiming your space, your confidence, and your right to shine without apology.
7. You feel like you're walking on eggshells around them
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Feeling like you're constantly walking on eggshells around someone is a major red flag that the relationship may be toxic or emotionally draining. This usually means you're afraid of triggering their anger, so you censor yourself or suppress your true feelings to keep the peace. Over time, this creates anxiety, erodes your self-esteem, and prevents honest communication. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and emotional safety, not fear or control. If you can't be your authentic self without worrying about their reaction, it might be time to create distance for your own mental and emotional well-being.
"You begin to question whether the way you think is valid and right. Ultimately, your perceptions of reality and your sense of self change for the worse," says Steven Stosny, Ph.D. When you're constantly second-guessing yourself to avoid conflict or disapproval, you slowly lose touch with who you are and what you truly need. This emotional toll can make you feel small, stuck, or even powerless. Choosing to step away may be one of the most empowering moves you can make toward healing and reclaiming your voice.
8. They don't respect your boundaries
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When someone consistently disregards your boundaries, it's a strong indication that the relationship is unhealthy and may be holding you back. Boundaries are essential for maintaining self-respect, yet some people ignore or push past them to serve their own needs. Whether they guilt-trip you for saying no, your needs don't matter as much as theirs. Over time, this kind of behavior can leave you feeling overwhelmed, drained, and resentful. Letting go of people who can’t honor your limits is often necessary to protect your peace and move forward with clarity.
"Setting and enforcing boundaries are essential for self-respect, mental well-being, and healthy relationships," says Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT. When those boundaries are repeatedly crossed, it sends a clear message that your comfort and values are being dismissed. This not only chips away at your sense of safety but also creates a dynamic where you're constantly on the defensive, trying to protect yourself from someone who should be offering support.
9. Your life feels stagnant because of them
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If your life feels stagnant and you can trace that feeling back to a specific person, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Sometimes, we stay connected to people who discourage growth, whether by undermining our goals, dismissing our dreams, or subtly pressuring us to settle for less. "Repeating similar mistakes can contribute to feeling stagnant," says Alice Boyes, Ph.D. Instead of inspiring you to move forward, they keep you stuck in old patterns or comfort zones that no longer serve you. This can quietly sabotage your progress and make it harder to pursue the life you truly want.
When a relationship becomes a weight instead of a support, it's a strong sign that letting go could be the key to becoming unstuck and reclaiming your momentum. Letting go of relationships that contribute to stagnation can be painful, especially if there's a long history or deep emotional ties. But clinging to familiarity out of guilt, fear, or obligation often means sacrificing your potential. Sometimes, the most transformative progress begins the moment you release what has been holding you back.
10. You've grown apart and are no longer aligned
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Growing apart from someone is a natural part of life, but when that distance becomes a barrier to your personal growth or happiness, it may be time to let go. As people evolve, their priorities can shift, and not all relationships are built to adapt to these changes. If you find that conversations feel forced or you’re holding back parts of yourself to maintain the connection, it means that it no longer serves you. Clinging to a relationship that no longer aligns with who you are today can hinder your emotional and personal growth. Sometimes, the most respectful choice for both of you is to accept the divergence and move forward separately.
It's important to recognize that outgrowing someone doesn't mean you don't care about them; it simply means that your paths are no longer aligned. Holding onto a relationship out of loyalty to the past can keep you from fully embracing your future. Permitting yourself to walk away from connections that no longer reflect who you are creates room for new alignments in your life.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
