11 Behaviors That Seem Narcissistic But Are Actually Signs Of A Socially Awkward Person
They may not be the narcissist you suspect them of being. There could be a deeper reason for this behavior.
Zenytal / Shutterstock When people act selfishly, tell lies, manipulate others, or exhibit toxic traits that we consider to be abnormal, we automatically label them a narcissist, or at the very least acknowledge that they have narcissistic traits. The truth is more complex, and there are several behaviors that seem narcissistic but may actually be signs of a person who is socially awkward.
Narcissism has been a hot topic for some time now, but there are times that we need to look beneath the surface to understand who a person truly is and why they are presenting in a negative way. Not everyone who comes off as self-important, has a deep need for admiration and validation, or lacks empathy for others is automatically a narcissist. Some are just misunderstood, socially awkward people who display some misleading behaviors like the following.
1. Talking about themselves obsessively
While dominating the conversation by talking about yourself seems to be obviously self-absorbed behavior, it may be something else. People who excessively talk about themselves give off an air of self-centeredness and appear to be completely disinterested in others, but this might just be an indication that they are just socially awkward.
People who do this may lack the skills needed to initiate or maintain mutual conversation. By default, they go to what they know the most about—themselves. In an effort to seem more socially adept and keep the communication flowing, they will unintentionally shift the focus to that familiar topic.
2. Interrupting others
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Interrupting while someone else is talking not only seems narcissistic, but it's also rude. People get the feeling that you must only think your thoughts are important, so you are dismissive of theirs. They might equate this behavior to an inflated sense of self or a lack of home training growing up, but those pesky disruptions might not signify a selfish narcissist in your presence after all.
The socially awkward, and even the not-so-socially awkward, might interrupt out of excitement, anxiousness about forgetting their point, or an unfamiliarity with differing cultural norms. It's also entirely possible that they are completely unaware they’re cutting others off.
3. Name-dropping or humblebragging
We all know that particular person who leads with their accomplishments. They have to let everyone in their orbit know that they are attached to celebrities or people of affluence. They attempt to talk about all that they have and do casually, a behavior that has come to be known as humblebragging, and it leaves a bad taste in everyone else's mouths.
On the surface, people who do this are touting their status or perceived superiority. An alternate way of seeing this behavior is to understand that they might feel vulnerable socially and use these tactics to gain acceptance or approval. Socially awkward people desperately want to be one of the cool kids. They mistakenly believe that if they tell you how important they are, you will believe it and treat them as such.
4. One-upping others
If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's when you are telling a story and someone fails to acknowledge your experience and decides to share their own better or worse account, depending on the circumstances. You might be sharing a huge accomplishment, and they top it with a bigger one. Or you could be talking about a traumatic experience, and they will no doubt have a deeper tragedy to share.
Surprisingly, this is not always about them being narcissistic. The truth is that many people believe that by sharing a similar story, they are resonating with you over a shared experience. They misguidedly believe that their stories contribute to and further the conversation, while creating an empathetic connection between the two of you.
5. Over-explaining
When people belabor the point to get others to see things from their perspective, it can seem extremely narcissistic. It gives the glaring impression that their viewpoint is the only one that matters and that if you could just listen and understand better, you would see things their way.
What you may not realize is that over-explaining is also prevalent when you are socially awkward. Those who are not the most skilled socially tend to be insecure about how they are perceived, so they want to provide as much detail as possible. They are less focused on changing your mind than making sure you don't think negatively of them.
6. Avoiding eye contact
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Those who can't look into your eyes while addressing you can be seen as aloof, disinterested, or shady. When it comes to narcissists, they might avoid eye contact to give a sense of superiority, letting you know that you are so insignificant that they can't even be bothered to look at you while talking to you.
On the other hand, there are many reasons why a socially awkward person might not want to make eye contact. They might be uncomfortable and want to escape the conversation, masking their feelings or attraction to someone, or feel inferior to the person they are speaking with. Their avoidance is more about anxiety and discomfort than arrogance.
7. Not asking questions about others
Engaging in a conversation where you are asking questions about someone and they don't ask a single one about you can leave you with the funny feeling that you may have just interacted with a narcissist. It seems evident that their only concern is themselves, and who you are is not important in their delusional world.
If you know anything about socially awkward people, you might consider that they are overthinking the interaction and trying not to be invasive or nosy. There is a fear of asking in the wrong way or being inappropriate unintentionally. To avoid overstepping your boundaries, they choose to stay on safer topics.
8. Invading personal space
Narcissists have a knack for seeing people as objects. They have no qualms about invading your personal space and making you feel uncomfortable because, in their world, you are here for their personal enjoyment. They might stand closer than necessary to intimidate you, exert some form of control, or just because they can.
However, socially awkward people do this, too. They want you to know they are fully engaged and actively listening, and believe that closing the gap between you will help. They have no idea that they are violating unspoken physical boundaries and that their behavior is intrusive.
9. Ignoring social cues
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Social cues are how we communicate without using words. They are nonverbal signals and behaviors that can be used to guide conversations or influence others. Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice help us understand and interpret social interactions and enable us to respond appropriately.
When people are socially awkward, they tend to be unaware of or ignore social cues. They rely heavily on what is spoken instead of reading between the lines to uncover unsaid messages. While a narcissist might know what the proper behavior is and blatantly disregard it, a socially awkward person is more likely to be completely unaware.
10. Crass jokes and sarcasm
Most people are able to read the room. They know what language may or may not be appropriate based on where they are and who they are around. Narcissistic people, however, have an "I do what I want" mentality. They believe they are the exception to the rule and above reproach, and might make offensive jokes or be sarcastic at an inappropriate time.
This can happen with socially awkward people, too, but their ignorance in those situations is authentic. They literally don't know how to act, so they blurt out things to include themselves, unwittingly becoming alienated. And because they have a hard time with social cues, they continue on, totally unaware that they are not winning over anyone.
11. Making everything about them
Narcissistic people wrongly believe that everything, good and bad, is all about them. If something great happens, it's no doubt because they made it so. When negativity arises, it's always directed at them because they are the ones to beat. And if a comment is subliminal, the person who said it must have had the in mind.
People with social awkwardness do the same thing, but for different reasons. They are highly paranoid about what others think about them. Because they can also be insecure, these anti-social people are waiting for someone to say something bad about them. Every action with an undesirable impact is directed at them because, in their eyes, people just don't like them or simply don't care.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that delivers informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
