People Who Take Longer To Open Up In Relationships Usually Have 11 Distinct Traits
GalacticDreamer / Shutterstock It’s not easy to start a new relationship with someone. For some, opening up can feel impossible. Typically, these individuals have been through a lot in the past. It changes how comfortable they feel around other people.
When you're in a romantic relationship, vulnerability and openness are important. Coming together as partners means connecting as your true selves. If there isn’t complete honesty, it can be hard to form a genuine bond. People who struggle to open up in relationships can stand in the way of their own happiness. More often than not, they do not behave this way intentionally. They have distinct traits. They can be caused by past trauma.
People who take longer to open up in relationships usually have 11 distinct traits
1. They feel things deeply
Milos Dimic from Getty Images Signature via Canva
If someone has a hard time opening up in a relationship, it could be because they feel things too deeply. Some people feel more than others. Their emotions can be intense. When in a relationship, it can be hard for them to balance their feelings. They may struggle to open up completely because they fear being hurt.
Likely, this type of person has experienced pain in the past. Whether it was a broken heart or a difficult childhood, these variables can make opening up to others scary. Instead of being vulnerable, they may shut down completely.
2. They are independent
Syda Productions via Canva
It’s not always easy to let someone else in when you are used to caring for yourself. If someone grew up in an unstable home, they may be used to doing everything for themselves. It could have started early in their lives. It could also be past pain from previous relationships that prevents them from getting close to other people.
Someone who is too independent may have a hard time asking for help when they need it. It might be easier to keep an emotional wall up between themselves and their partner. It’s not easy for someone like this to let another person in.
3. They struggle to communicate
SHOTPRIME via Canva
To form a healthy bond, communication needs to be healthy. Without open communication, partners can be held back. Without sharing their inner thoughts, it can be hard for the other person to know how they truly feel. Communication is one of the most important variables in a happy relationship. It’s important to have it to connect.
If someone takes longer to open up in relationships, it could be because they lack communication skills. Whether it’s from being shut down for sharing their feelings as a kid or a trait they naturally have, it can hinder true relationships.
4. They are distrusting
Syda Productions via Canva
Trust doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some may have a trait that makes them distrustful of people around them. It could be caused by past trauma and bad relationships. When someone doesn’t trust easily, it’s not easy for them to open up when they don't believe the person they are speaking to has their best intentions at heart. Sometimes, the other person didn’t do anything to warrant this behavior from their partner. It is just something they naturally struggle with.
Without trust, a relationship might not have much going for it. Two people need to be able to come together and talk openly. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary.
5. They’re self-aware
SolStock from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Some people are naturally self-aware. They are in tune with their own emotions. They can check in with themselves deep down and understand what they need. While this can be a positive trait in a relationship, there are times when overly self-aware people can struggle. They may self-sabotage.
“With a strong analytical mindset, self-aware individuals may find themselves overthinking interactions, assessing compatibility too soon, or questioning minor details in relationships. This can sometimes create unnecessary anxiety or lead to self-sabotage within the relationship,” says Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., MPH, LCSW-R, CGP.
6. They are careful
Alex Green from Pexels via Canva
Someone who is overly careful may bring that trait into their romantic relationships. It can cause them to be guarded. If they are afraid of getting hurt, or maybe even hurting the other person, they may pull back. They will keep their feelings to themselves. Opening up can be scary, especially for someone careful with their feelings.
Being afraid of getting hurt can cause people to do different things in a partnership. Someone careful with their heart has likely been through a lot in the past. Someone likely hurt them and made them less trusting. They don’t feel comfortable sharing their true self with anyone else.
7. They fear commitment
pixelshot via Canva
Commitment issues are not uncommon. Unfortunately, many of us have been through situations that have scared us from giving our all to someone new. Some people are naturally afraid of settling down. They may not want to get too close to other people. They will take longer to open up in a relationship until they feel safe to do so.
The future is scary. Someone with commitment issues can be terrified of long-term relationships. Whether it’s because they don't want to get hurt or because they genuinely fear settling down with one person, this trait can prevent openness from happening naturally.
8. They feel unsafe in relationships
PixelsEffect from Getty Images Signature via Canva
It’s not easy to give your all to another person. It can be especially difficult when you have been hurt in the past. Someone who feels unsafe in relationships has likely endured past trauma. A difficult childhood or a previous abusive relationship can cause someone to be fearful of relationships moving forward. They may prefer to stay single as a coping mechanism. It could feel less risky than opening up to someone else.
Emotional safety is at the foundation of every healthy relationship. Not feeling safe can put a divide between partners. It could be why someone struggles to open up to another person.
9. They are sensitive
RDNE Stock project from Pexels via Canva
When someone is sensitive in a relationship, it can change the way they view their partnership. They may find themselves second-guessing every situation. They can be afraid of getting hurt, and will be worried about what may happen if they open up emotionally. Suddenly, they can find themselves reading into their partner's behavior. Is the tone different? Do they really like them anymore? It can feel overwhelming.
A highly sensitive person can be more stressed by conflict. The thought of having arguments and struggles within their relationship can make them shut down. Instead, they might not want to open up to another person at all.
10. They are cautious
Keira Burton from Pexels via Canva
People who have a hard time being open in relationships may be overly cautious. They want to make sure they are putting their energy into something worthwhile. If they are not completely sure about the situation, they can be guarded. They may be afraid of wasting their time.
“To play it safe and avoid the risk of being open, or to discourage your partner’s openness because it doesn’t conform to your views is the biggest risk of all. It will, with certainty, drain the relationship and leave it empty,” says Joel Block, Ph.D.
11. They fear misunderstandings
Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels via Canva
No one wants to fight with their partner. For some, it’s easier to avoid misunderstandings by going along with whatever they say. They may not want to cause a stir by opening up. There is relief in knowing that whatever you say will not ruffle any feathers. When having an open conversation about your feelings, misunderstandings often occur.
Being misunderstood is painful. Everyone wants to be seen for who they are. Being true to yourself is one of the most vulnerable things you can do. To avoid being misunderstood, they might say whatever they think the other person will want to hear.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
