If Someone Is Not Trustworthy, They'll Say These 11 Phrases Casually
Antonov Roman / Shutterstock Untrustworthy people will typically say certain phrases casually and often that, when considered deeply, highlight how deceitful they really are. While these phrases may also be used by people who can be trusted, the intentions that accompany saying these things are what dictate whether or not they are used by a trustworthy or untrustworthy person.
Individuals who cannot be trusted have impure intentions. They will want to cover up who they really are and protect their egos by saying things that show the lack of accountability they have for their actions. They will also try to manipulate others into confiding in them and will want to portray a false perception of themselves in order to deepen relationships with people.
If someone is not trustworthy, they'll say these 11 phrases casually
1. 'I was just joking'
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A person who commonly says, “I was just joking,” may actually be very untrustworthy. A phrase like this signals that they may be trying to deflect accountability and are not showing empathy for another person’s feelings.
Someone who is trustworthy would want to take into consideration how certain things that they do impact other people. When they refuse to do this and they fail to acknowledge when they have hurt someone’s feelings, they may not be as trustworthy as they wanted people to believe.
2. 'It's not my fault'
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Showing a lack of accountability and caring more about protecting their own ego than caring for the feelings of others are two traits that signal someone is not trustworthy. This kind of person will likely say that things are not their fault even when they are.
Trustworthy individuals are not only honest with others but also honest with themselves. When someone fails to take the blame for something they did, they are not practicing genuine self-reflection. If they cannot be true to themselves during these situations, it will be tough for them to grow and develop personally.
When a person learns to take responsibility for their actions, they not only improve the relationship they have with themselves, but are also able to navigate conflict in a better manner, making their other relationships more successful, explains Kim Schneiderman, a licensed clinical social worker.
3. 'Everyone says that about me, but it's not true'
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Trying to manipulate the narrative and perception that others have of them is a sure sign that a person is untrustworthy. This is exactly what they are trying to do when they say, “Everyone says that about me, but it’s not true.”
“Research shows that liars often struggle to keep their narratives straight, not because they forget the truth, but because they juggle multiple cognitive tasks,” mentions Berit Brogaard, Ph.D., a professor of philosophy and the director of the Brogaard Lab for Multisensory Research at the University of Miami. If someone is not being honest about things they have done to other people in their past or the way they have made them feel, it is bound to show eventually through the inconsistencies in their storytelling.
4. 'You're the only one I'm telling'
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If a person is willing to gossip about other people but tell someone that they are the only person they are telling, they are likely untrustworthy and may even be talking poorly about the person they are telling secrets to as well. Commonly saying a phrase like this shows that a person is open to sharing confidential information about others, even when it is not their place to do so.
Brogaard suggests that, “Regular gossiping, furthermore, suggests an attitude of indifference toward others' right to decide whether and how their private information is disseminated, underscoring gossipers' weak ethical boundaries. People who are worth confiding in keep others' secrets because they understand the value of confidentiality.”
5. 'I didn't mean it that way'
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While misunderstandings do happen, if they tend to happen too often, it may no longer be considered a misunderstanding. When a person says that they didn’t mean something in a certain way, they are claiming that others have misinterpreted what they have said. However, when this defense is recurring, it may be due to a lack of self-awareness.
Untrustworthy individuals usually struggle with self-awareness. This disconnection that they have with themselves will typically cause them to overlook how their behavior and words impact those around them. This makes them less likely to own up to things they say and instead act as though they didn’t mean something in the way another person took it.
6. 'I would never do that to you'
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Untrustworthy people have tactics that they use when they are called out for behaviors they do not want to own up to. Instead of admitting to their mistakes, they will likely tell a person that they would never do such a thing to them.
They may also become passive-aggressive or try to turn the blame around onto the other person. “These are behaviors manipulators use to try to confuse you and stop you from calling them out on their untrustworthy behaviors. These behaviors are used to disempower, confuse, disorient, silence, and shut you down- when they’re the one whose actions are not congruent with their words,” explains Lissa Rankin, MD, an OB/GYN physician and author.
7. 'I didn't think it was that important'
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A person who dismisses the feelings of others and shows a lack of respect for their boundaries will typically be untrustworthy. A phrase they likely use often is, “I didn’t think it was that important.”
Not only are they prioritizing their perspective in this situation, but they are also disrespecting the establishment of trust that was seemingly created within this relationship. This can quickly become an ongoing issue where the untrustworthy person continues to disregard what is significant to those they have relationships with.
8. 'I was only trying to help you'
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Sometimes, the intentions that other people have are pure and good, but occasionally they are not, and when this person gets caught, they will likely try to make it seem as though what they did was for the betterment of those around them. They will tell everyone that they were only trying to help them, even if they were not.
This is a sign of someone who cannot be trusted. They will refuse to come clean about the real reasons they displayed certain behaviors as a way to protect their own ego and always make it seem like they are a much better person than they actually are.
9. 'They're just jealous of me'
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When a person is disliked by many people for their actions and the way they treat others, this is not something they will typically want to acknowledge. When entertaining new relationships, they will likely tell others that the reason they are disliked is simply because people are jealous of them.
By saying a phrase like this, they are able to excuse their past behaviors and go without needing to explain them or take responsibility for them. This is untrustworthy because it is not giving the new people in their lives a true representation of who they really are. By practically hiding their true identity, they are selfishly keeping people close to them that would maybe choose not to be if they actually knew the truth.
10. 'Nobody has to know'
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Sometimes, people who are not trustworthy will say things to others to get information they want in a deceitful manner. They may tell people that no one has to know about a certain thing, so those individuals feel it is a safe space to share more private information.
If their intentions were pure, a phrase like this would be harmless. However, they are likely not pure and are trying to manipulate someone while knowing that deep down they will not be respecting the bond or trust that the other person believes exists within the relationship.
11. 'Trust me, I would never lie to you'
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Genuinely trustworthy people typically don't need to verbally reassure others that they are trustworthy. If someone is not trustworthy, they will feel more of an obligation to say overcompensating phrases that insist they would not do something that they are likely to do often.
“If someone insists they’re honest and does so unprompted and repeatedly, this is likely a smoke screen. Research shows that overemphasizing integrity, especially without prompting, can be a strategy to mask or divert attention from deceptive behaviors and preempt suspicion,” mentions Brogaard. When aiming to tell whether or not someone is trustworthy, it is crucial to not only pay attention to their behaviors but also to the phrases they use often.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
