Only People Who Can Easily Answer These 8 Questions Are Truly Ready For Marriage
Marriage is a serious matter, and couples need to be sure they're ready for such a big commitment.
Ground Picture | Shutterstock For people who think they want to get married, they need to ask themselves if they have a realistic picture of what it is all about. Whether it's how they picture themselves years from now, the connection they desire, or simple things like a romantic dinner, only people who can easily answer these questions are truly ready for marriage.
Couples often don't think about the arguments, chores that aren't done, unexpected expenses, or the need to be left alone after a stressful day at work. All of these are parts of marriage, too. And until a couple is prepared for the ups and downs marriage offers, they should think long and hard about that next step.
Only people who can easily answer these 8 questions are truly ready for marriage
1. What are your reasons for wanting to get married?
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There are many reasons for wanting to find a marriage partner. The companionship of a spouse and wanting a family (a spouse and children) are the top two reasons, according to my research. A study from Pew Research Center supports this, as love and companionship are the main reasons people get married to or move in with a partner.
Couples should decide the real reasons they want to get married. Is it because it's the next logical step in the relationship, or is it because they have found true intimacy and connection with one another?
2. What would marriage give you that you don't already have or force you to give up?
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Only people who can easily answer this question are truly ready for marriage. Because couples don't always realize the amount of compromising that comes with marriage. The major issues that come up are about the loss of freedom in marriage, as they need to account for the other person in all decisions.
All these obligations can take up a lot of your time, but being single can take a lot of time, too. On the other hand, wanting a spouse to support you through life's ups and downs is a big motivation for marriage. Having a steady companion for meals and leisure time also seems to be high on the list "for" marriage.
3. How do you view marriage? What's your opinion of marriage?
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Do you have a positive or negative view of marriage? Perhaps one partner's parents are divorced but the other's are still happily married. This can change the way a person thinks about marriage as they get older.
According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, "Compared to offspring of non-divorced parents, those of divorced parents generally have more negative attitudes towards marriage as an institution and are less optimistic about the feasibility of a long-lasting, healthy marriage."
4. What are your top priorities in your life?
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When couples think about their top priorities in life, if finding a partner or making the most of their current relationship is one of the top two, they're likely ready for marriage. However, when partners prioritize things like going out with friends or spending money, a relationship can suffer before the couple even reaches the altar.
"Prioritizing is a hard concept in marriages because it involves multiple aspects of connecting with your partner. Your spouse may do well in some areas but not in others. It can take quite a bit of self-discipline, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence to really prioritize each other," licensed marriage and family therapist Eric Williams explained.
5. Are you willing to make the compromises to be a 'we' instead of a 'me'?
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When couples get married, what was once each partner's independent problem or experience becomes shared. And only people who can easily answer this questions are truly ready for marriage: Are you willing to make compromises to be a "we" instead of a "me"?
Once someone finds the person they believe to be "the one," are they willing to make sacrifices in order to make the relationship work? For example, if a couple has been long-distance and one partner asks the other to move to their location, is this something they will embrace, or is it the end of the relationship?
6. Are you emotionally available for and ready to commit to a relationship?
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Before a couple got together, they certainly dated other people and had serious relationships. But now that they're with each other, they need to make sure they've healed from a past divorce or breakup.
Whether there's lingering heartbreak, hesitance, or other obligations they need to take care of — like shared children — it's essential they openly discuss this with one another.
7. How will you know when you're ready for marriage?
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This is a question many people in serious relationships ask themselves: Am I ready for marriage? But it's best to trust in themselves that they will know when the time is right. Believe it or not, according to sociologist Dr. Shannon Hall, the number one sign a person is ready for marriage is if they have the desire to grow, both as an individual and as a couple.
Those who are ready for marriage are tired of dating and want some kind of stability in their life. They desire to spend their energy building a relationship and want to get beyond the "they’ll do for now" mindset.
8. Are you willing to be open and honest about your desire to find a partner?
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Are they willing to be honest with themselves about what they really want? Well, only people who can easily answer this question are truly ready for marriage. Perhaps, in the past, one partner was scared of letting others know they were ready to settle down, but now, they're open about their goals.
It's important to be upfront about the intentions to find a partner for marriage. That means discussing the present and future with a current partner, and doubling down on the desire for commitment. When a person is wishy-washy about what they want, it sends a confusing message and indicates they likely aren't ready to tie the knot.
Amy Schoen is a national expert in dating and relationship coaching who is passionate about helping couples find true love to create fulfilling, life-long relationships.
