Couples In Truly Healthy Relationships Usually Share These 8 Core Values
Shared values are critical to lasting relationships.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock Most people have an innate desire to share and feel love. But when relationships become stale or stagnant, many people don't know if the love they've found will last. And the chances a romantic relationship can withstand the test of time often hangs on whether or not the individuals have shared core values.
Whether it's respect, trust, or communication, couples in truly healthy relationships usually share these core values. These values help sustain love and create a relationship to survive by making partners be intentional and mindful of how they create the relationship. So, take an inventory of the values in your relationship and ask yourself if they're present.
Couples in truly healthy relationships usually share these 8 core values
1. Companionship
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Companionship is essential for being friends with your partner. And couples in truly healthy relationships usually share the core value of building a relationship on a friendship that's grown with affection, connection, and quality time. Without friendship in your relationship, it's difficult to know how healthy the relationship is.
Healthy friendships are also incredibly beneficial for well-being and longevity, as multiple studies have shown. So not only is friendship necessary to happiness, it's also needed to foster a healthy sense of romance and affection with your partner.
2. Respect
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Mutual respect is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Respect is the feeling of admiration for someone and honoring or recognizing them for who they are, what they have achieved, or what they are capable of. Mutual respect is achieved by recognizing and having consideration for our partner's feelings and needs, and expecting the same in return.
When a person treats their partner with respect, it means they see you for who you truly are and fully embrace it. And when that happens, they hold the relationship with the same care they show you as an individual.
3. Empathy
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Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. This is deeper than simply having sympathy or understanding for our partners and what they are dealing with — it's having the ability to put yourself in their position and saying, "I get it because I feel it too."
As professional educator David Culkin explained, "Empathy is significant for relationships because it can provide insight into the psychological nature of our loved ones, especially during crises. If we approach our partner (and ourselves) with compassion, we can learn to grow our relationship as friends rather than as adversaries"
4. Vulnerability
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Couples in truly healthy relationships usually share the core value of vulnerability, willingly showing up and being present. The challenge with vulnerability is that being open and honest with a partner doesn't guarantee they will return the same sentiment, affection, or behavior.
Vulnerability puts you at risk for rejection, but it also means you recognize the value of your partner and the relationship. You're honoring your relationship with the realest and most raw version of yourself, and that is something that can't be faked in relationships.
5. Accountability
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Accountability means owning up to the mess you made, but also being willing to clean it up, which is a core value couples in truly healthy relationships usually share. It's not enough to apologize for your behavior and actions against your partner, but it's equally as important to show you understand the impact of your actions.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel explained, "Owning your part is an act of humility, and that gesture opens the door for your partner to reciprocate, to meet you in an honest place... Taking accountability for yourself does not excuse the other person. It helps them see that apologizing for their mistake doesn't mean that they are a mistake. If you can do it, perhaps they can, too."
6. Commitment
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Commitment means being dedicated and devoted to one another. People want to know they matter in their relationships, and this is demonstrated by prioritizing our partners. So, making your partner a priority means they come before anyone else and they are your primary concern.
Humans are wired to crave commitment. So, if you explicitly state that you're in a committed relationship, you need to always keep that commitment in mind.
7. Trust
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Trust is the ability to believe and rely on what your partner tells you, firmly and wholeheartedly. Most people talk about trust being foundational, but it's also something that's earned and cultivated. Trust is built little by little; it isn't built overnight. It is a critical concept in any relationship and has a huge value.
Couples in truly healthy relationships share trust as a core value. As research over the decades has determined, trust is a key factor in relationships that thrive. And when it's a cornerstone of a relationship, it makes it easier for both partners to thrive with one another.
8. Communication
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Communication is how we talk to one another. And, unfortunately, as a relationship breaks down, the first to go is communication. When you describe the communication of your relationship, do you describe it by frequent name-calling, yelling, aggressive, and very disagreeable? This is a strong indication your relationship is unhealthy.
Conflict will happen — it's simply inevitable. But the conflict doesn't have to get ugly and messy, or make you speak in negative ways toward your partner. If you find your communication with your partner is lacking, take a break and come back to the conversation. Because It's more important to be loving than to be right.
Janika Veasley is a Marriage and Family Therapist committed to helping couples, families, and individuals succeed in living a holistic and healthy life.
