Couples Who Still Feel Like Best Friends As They Get Older Do These 7 Things On A Regular Basis
The happiest long-term couples keep their friendship alive by practicing these simple habits.
Thurtell | Canva One of the most beautiful sights in the world is an older couple who still light up around each other. They are the ones who still laugh at each other's jokes, hold hands while walking, and seem genuinely delighted by each other's company even after decades together.
While many relationships drift into comfortable but distant coexistence over time, these couples have discovered how to remain not just lovers, but true best friends as the years pass. The habits they've developed aren't complicated or time-consuming, but they're consistent.
Couples who still feel like best friends as they get older do these 7 things on a regular basis:
1. They don't play games
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If you want to be an adult in a relationship, then you shouldn't resort to "not texting him," "playing hard to get," etc., as these are all children's games, says dating coach Sienna Sinclaire. They may work for a little while, but why would you want to be with someone long-term who plays those kinds of games?
And if you were dating someone confident in themselves, they would never allow those games to be played and would just walk away, as they should. “Instead, be an adult in your relationship and that's what you'll get back with your partner, an adult who doesn’t need to play games or concern themselves with the question of who has the most power in the relationship," says Sinclaire.
2. They have confidence in themselves and their partnership
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The most important thing in any relationship is confidence. If you have confidence and believe in yourself, then you don't need to play games.
When both partners have confidence in themselves, it strengthens the friendship-like bond in their relationship. Self-confidence allows each person to feel secure in who they are, rather than constantly needing validation or reassurance from their partner. Over time, this sense of inner security helps coupled maintain that BFF vibe feeling — where both people feel free ot be themselves and enjoy life together.
If the person you're with isn't the right fit for you, then you should be confident and strong enough to walk away. “A confident woman is very powerful to a man," says Sinclaire. "So the more confident you both are, the more power you both will bring to the relationship.”
3. They set clear boundaries
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This is about what we accept and don't accept, especially in areas of tension. Relationship coach Keith Dent says, "A man will take what you give him. For example, if one of your pet peeves is that you expect your partner to check in if he is going to be late, and you don't verbalize that to him, he won't just do it on his own unless that's his thing. If that is your requirement for the relationship to work, you have to make sure you hold him accountable."
“Give clear 'yes' and 'no' answers with supportive statements that validate your decisions or behaviors,” says Rosalind Sedacca, co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60.
4. They have their own life
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"This simply means not always making yourself available to your partner, not because you're choosing not to, but because you have your own fabulous life full of friends and family that you want to spend it with as well,” explains Sinclair.
Remember: a partner is a fabulous addition to your life, not someone who should complete you. You should love and complete yourself, with or without someone to share life with.
Dent warns, "You don't want to always be desperately available. That's a recipe for being taken for granted," he continues, "A good partner wants to know you will challenge them, and part of that challenge means having more things going on besides them."
If you want your partner to want and respect you, be your own person, add Sinclaire. Have your own hobbies and your own friends, and show them that you're comfortable being in your own skin, doing your own things.
5. They speak up when things don't feel right
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Do not allow yourself to be a doormat. If your partner upsets you or you feel as though you're being taken advantage of, it's imperative to make your feelings known. If you don't, you risk stewing in unhappiness or becoming resentful if you don't share how you really feel.
“Use a strong voice, without screaming or yelling, and be firm about behavior you will not accept,” says certified human behavioral specialist, Midori A. Verity.
Speaking up when things aren't right is essential for couples who want to stay close and connected as they grow older. Best friends don't let resentments build silently. They voice concerns and set boundaries early before misunderstandings and negativity start festering.
6. They give each other space
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“I'm not sure whose idea it is to spend every waking moment with someone. I get it, in the beginning, you can't help but want to be around that person. But you need to give someone space and get your own,” says Sinclaire.
A partner will appreciate you a lot more if you give them their space, and vice versa. If you insist on spending too much time with someone, it's a quick way to lose them. Giving someone their space shows you're not needy and you're your own person, nurturing the friendship in the long term.
7. They use assertive language without being aggressive or defensive
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"I want, I need, I desire, I can't, I won't, I feel ... are all good ways to start," says Sedacca. Then be very clear about your expectations.
Using assertive language without slipping into aggression or defensiveness helps couples maintain that easy, best-friend energy in their relationship. Assertiveness shows honesty and self-respect, while still leaving room for empathy and compromise: two pillars of a loving, long-term union.
Be sure to make them realistic and fair, and expect to be treated fairly in return. A loss of control isn't the end of the world — it's the beginning of a deeper friendship as a couple, if you're vulnerable about what you need in a relationship. Open and honest conversations can bring balance back to healthy relationships.
Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyle writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications.
