Love

4 Types Of Men That Will Never Make You A Priority

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There are people out there who will never make you a priority in their lives. For the sake of this article, I am talking about men, but the following advice applies to women, too!

A lot of relationship coaches will tell you that if you want to stop being an option (and start being a priority) for a man, you need to "be a high-value woman". They'll tell you, "just lean into your feminine". 

But relying on the man to change how he sees you will never work — it will land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. Instead, you must do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men who will never make you a priority.

If you truly want to find love and commitment, then you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are, before you get attached.

RELATED: Why So Many Amazing Women Give Their Hearts To Unkind Men

You see, our world supports swipe dating, but this way of meeting potential partners can desensitize us to the actual connection to another human being. It focuses us on attraction instead of values and dulls our ability to read whether a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction, we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry, as if chemistry will become love and love will solve all other challenges.

But love does not solve relationship woes! What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. And if you want a commitment with a true partner, they need to make you a priority. 

Watch out for these 4 types of men who will never make you a priority:

1. Men who lack purpose and/or passion.

The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career, but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world.

The issue with passionless and purposeless people is that they are often suffering internally.

They suffer from core identity challenges, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and that makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well.

Of course, work doesn't have to be a person's only form of passion, but a man who can be serious about you will have some sort of life purpose or passion either within his career or outside of it. 

When a person lacks passion and purpose, you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, use sex in unhealthy ways, or even develop avoidant personalities.

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

RELATED: 7 Sweet Things Men Do When They Like A Woman Authentically

2. Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their lives.  

This might seem like the net you want to cast to meet someone just shrunk incredibly, especially for all of you over 30 out there.

I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don't get caught up in the web of believing that you can "fix them" and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change, you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity.

Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don't get mad at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

Stop being in a relationship with a project!

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? Fine.

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But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don't give your heart away. We can all be projects at times in our lives. We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

RELATED: Stop Trying To Change Him — Men Are Not Puppies Meant For Us To Train

3. A man who is set in his ways.

Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree, can become very set in their ways. This means that they are set in how they do life alone, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority.

They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

RELATED: How To Tell If You're Just Temporary In A Man's Life

4. A man who says he wants commitment, but doesn't act like it.

There are "casual relationship men" who offer or request monogamy right out of the gate, but who have no real desire to be in a committed relationship.

This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away... commitment comes with love.

Look at the traditional marriage vows if you want a good definition of what commitment is.

Commitment means, "I've got your back!" — for better or worse. In sickness and health. Richer or poorer.  

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone's face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, then you are not committed!

This  takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship. Of course, loves plays a significant role and love grows the commitment. However, as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone's physical appearance and the chemistry, you will never be a priority to whomever this other person is!

RELATED: 6 Secrets Nobody Tells You About Winning (& Keeping) A Man's Heart

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

Before you put those rose tinted glasses on: inquire, inquire, inquire! Fid out if this person is the most compatible for you.

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Rene' Schooler (also known as Kendal Williams) is a highly trained leading intimacy and relationship expert coach who works with singles and couples worldwide. She has been featured on LifeTime TV's show Married at First Sight and has co-authored the books 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health with Dr. Mercola and Building Foundations for Change with Brian Tracy and John Assaraf among others. Learn more about her services by visiting her website.

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This article was originally published at KW Coaching & Integration. Reprinted with permission from the author.