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Are you really meant to last forever?
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Mar 28, 2022
In my days, I have had many, many relationships.
Some were horrible, toxic disasters, which really should never have happened in the first place. Others, however, were pretty decent, except we never made it all the way to the altar.
I’ve noticed, over the years, that one indicator quickly would tell me if things could possibly lead to commitment. The sign, I’ve found, is one of the best indicators of how to tell if he's ready to commit, and whether or not your relationship will go the distance.
Ready? It’s if his friends and family like you.
Simply put, with a lot of my exes, their friends either hated me, their families hated me or both. They had deemed me “too weird,” “too slutty,” and sometimes just “not successful enough” to be with the guy I was dating.
Though the men I dated did want to stay with me, eventually, every relationship ended pretty bitterly.
Ideally, they will accept you as one of their own pretty quickly. This allows you to feel the unity that you’d feel in a serious committed relationship, and also gives you the signal that things will be easier if you two got committed in a long-term relationship. Heck, even a lukewarm reception is better than a hateful one.
The fact is that a happy relationship, especially one that men feel okay with committing to, will require you to fit in with his friends and family.
If you can’t see why this is the case, think about it this way:
1. You probably would want your man to mesh well with your family and friends too, if only because you would want to feel proud when you’re with him.
You wouldn’t want to have to explain why you’re with a guy to your friends, would you? Well, it’s the same with men.
Everyone, regardless of gender, wants someone who people compliment and make us proud. Needless to say, that alone can be as much a dealbreaker for men as it is for women.
2. In many cases, they will end up feeling pressured to choose between their friends/family and you.
This is often what ends up being the “death blow” to any relationship.
When they constantly have to choose between their entourage and you, it will end up alienating him from at least one person he cares about. This will cause resentment, which, in turn, almost always ends up causing the relationship to implode.
3. There’s also the fact that friends and family who hate you will start suggesting that he can find better, behind your back.
This may hurt to hear, but it’s the truth. This is a classic tactic people use when they believe that their friend is dating someone wrong for them.
I’ve personally seen this happen and have also been the friend who has done this. Unfortunately, this also tends to put another nail in the relationship’s coffin.
4. Additionally, being the partner that everyone in his life despises doesn’t make his life easier — and everyone likes easy.
Most men will not commit to a woman who makes his life harder, and guess what? Life will be harder for him if he has to deal with constant drama and disdain from everyone around him due to him dating you.
Sadly, this can turn the sweetest girl into breakup material.
5. You probably wouldn’t like to live the rest of your life having to defend yourself from his entourage, either.
Have you ever been the “odd man out” in a group? It’s totally exhausting and insanely infuriating.
There’s only so much that you can do to try to win people over, and when your limit has been hit, you’ll realize you’re worth more than that level of abuse.
It may not be nice. It may not be fair. But the fact is that this is a larger part of why guys tend to go for “socially acceptable” girls.
Sadly, if his family and friends have made up their minds about you, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise.
At the very least, if you understand if he's ready to commit, and you know where you stand with his friends and family, this allows you to cut things short and find a guy with an entourage that accepts you.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. Follow her Twitter.