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First, know who you are and why she should care.
By Apollonia Ponti — Last updated on May 14, 2023
As a man, you are always wondering why women don’t just come out and tell you what they want in dating and relationships. But, it's not that easy. If you knew how to attract women, it would become repetitive and boring. Then, you wouldn't be able to spot that special woman out of the millions that are out there and find true love.
What personality traits do women want in a potential partner?
Typically, as a man, you want to feel as though the woman respects you, honors you, and, sexually desires you. You’re thinking that this whole dating could be so much easier, so why do women have a hundred other things that they want from a man?
But, the truth is, the secret for how to get a girl to like you and figuring out what women want in relationships is relatively simple: Women just want to see what you’re all about before falling in love with you.
Don't believe the hype — not all dating advice is created equal
Some men believe dating advice that is completely false. For example, they believe that women won't be attracted to them if they don't have money. Does money help a guy's status? Sure. But if you don’t have a list of other great personal attributes, a well-put-together woman isn't going to put up with you anyway. Money will only keep her around temporarily.
A man who thinks that he has to be rich and buy women things is lacking confidence in himself, but a man with healthy self-esteem and money knows that his value and worth don't depend on his bank account.
When a man says women are only attracted to money, he usually fits into two categories: He’s been hurt before and just came out of a really bad breakup or divorce, or was played by a woman who was also a gold digger.
Men also believe that in order to attract women, you have to be tall, which is false. A woman in her early 20s might be attracted to a man that’s tall and/or well-off but it's because she's finding out a lot about herself. Typically, this is the time and age in which a woman just likes to have fun. She’s exploring new things about herself and her life, and she does not want to settle down yet.
She also knows that this is her prime time, she can basically have any man and is not worried about settling down, which makes her even more attractive.
When it comes to building a sustainable emotional connection with a man, a mentally-mature woman does not care about your height. It’s about how you view yourself and how you position yourself, which is something we will go over a little further down, is what attracts women.
Here are 11 personality traits that are most attractive to women:
1. Purposefulness
Most relationship advice will tell you that confidence is an irresistible trait. But, it’s hard to have confidence when you are not aligned with your purpose. Having a purpose means having your eye on something that fulfills you and not letting anyone stand in the way of that. The meaning of purpose can be broken down into this: Productive Understanding by Right Picking Of Someone's Excellence.
This does not mean that you have to quit your 9-5 and start something that fulfills you. No, it means planning and investing time in what fulfills you. What is your passion and how can you start investing time in it? Finding your purpose can take time, but it requires you to be honest with yourself.
2. Honesty
Being unapologetically honest shows confidence and also shows a woman that you have a lot of dignity. Having your own opinion shows a woman that you aren't just trying to impress and please her.
Of course, you want to respect her but you also have to challenge her. When you do this, she understands that you have a sense of pride and are grounded in who you are. When you are open to communication and showing honesty, it builds an emotional connection with a woman.
3. Courtesy
It’s very attractive when you have a sense of pride in the way you treat others. In a woman's mind, this is a direct reflection of her character and future respect for her. So, if both of you are out to dinner and you're being rude to your waiter, then this is a big red flag for us.
4. Intelligence
A woman wants to be able to have conversations with a man that she can exchange with and learn from. She wants a man that will be able to share advice, but also some personal things that he has been taught. This builds a connection and shows a sense of strength and stability in a man. Yes, we get this all from being smart and well-educated.
5. Spontaneity
A man that can keep us on our toes is very exciting. It keeps the endorphin levels up and makes a woman excited about what’s to come.
Don’t be afraid to plan something where the both of you can get an adrenaline rush together. This also shows a huge sense of pride and confidence. It presents you as a man who does not have a timid, insecure mindset and that is so attractive to women. Keep this in mind when you’re wondering how to keep a relationship interesting.
6. Humor
When a man can make us laugh, we start to share a special bond with them, and women always want to be around someone that brings happiness to the table. So if you enjoy some playful banter, have fun, and make sure both of you participate.
7. Charisma
There is something so attractive about a man that has positive energy and makes you feel happy and optimistic. It kind of makes a woman think, "I want what he has," or, "Man I feel so good around him. I believe he could be ‘The One.’"
If you don’t know what energy and charisma look like then, think about the actor Will Smith!
8. Values-oriented
This is huge! A man without goals has no direction. A man without values has no self-discipline.
Women lose attraction when they have to carry the weight of finding out who you are. This isn't and shouldn't be her job. So, know this before jumping into any healthy relationship!
9. Intentionality
This can create a huge shift in your dating dynamics. When a woman feels like you are not desperate to rush things so that you can be together, then she will honor and respect this and be even more attracted to you.
It’s not to say you're going to come in with this "player" mentality and say, "I don’t need you; I don't want you; I’m so cool." No, it’s about your willingness to take the time to cultivate something good for both of you. By doing this, you become a leader and women are attracted to a man that can lead!
10. Respectfulness
Men, when it comes to the physical side of love and dating, taking things slow and being respectful in your actions is significant.
If you hold out on having sex with a woman and show that you want to see where this goes emotionally before jumping into the physical elements too quickly, you will score some huge points with her that will win her heart.
11. Stylishness
Everyone attracts different people and they have their own tastes. So choose your own personal style and make sure you present yourself in a way that makes you feel confident. Not everyone is going to want to wear urban chic. You might be a man that likes to ski and do outdoorsy things.
Then keep up to date with your "lumberjack" style. You might be a hippie and not like to wear pointy dress shoes. Well, then make sure you smell great, have clean clothes, and keep up with your bohemian style. This is what it means to present yourself well. Own your look and be confident.
Find your purpose and live it
Attraction starts to manifest within a man when he shows up for his life’s purpose.
It’s that time when you’re vibing so high that someone comes up to you and says "You seem different" when nothing has changed at all. The change happens with the inner self in terms of how you feel, and this will have a direct correlation with your behavior and your motivation in your daily life.
This creates a significant shift in your presence and women are captivated by a man that knows his worth and carries it with respect and integrity.
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Apollonia Ponti is a dating and relationship expert and certified coach who works with men and women to get exactly what they want from their love life.
This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.