Photo: Unsplash: Artem Bali
Do not let this man go!
By Perrin Elisha — Written on Sep 23, 2018
Do you have a list of the qualities and characteristics you’d to find like in a man? Many women (and men) do.
However, most lists of this kind are based on personal dating preferences, so they don't necessarily take into account the specific personality traits that really matter when it in comes to determining whether or not a guy has what it takes to form happy, healthy bonds as a boyfriend or husband.
These are the types of traits that predict a man’s ability to truly make (and keep) you happy — not in that honeymoon, giddy sort of way, but in an ever-deepening, soul-enriching, ever-grateful kind of way!
If the man you're dating or falling in love with has these 4 dominant personality traits, hold on tight, because men like this make the best boyfriends and husbands.
1. Honesty
Obviously! But this is priority number one. Do not pass go without honesty, the simple ability to tell the truth, and an internal prohibition against lying.
An internal prohibition against lying is different than simply knowing when to follow the rules.
Toddlers need to have an external prohibition against lying in order to keep them from getting into trouble. If we mature properly, we internalize this as a moral compass.
Honesty is a compass that guides a healthy relationship, so prize it accordingly!
2. Integrity
Integrity includes, but is not limited to, honesty. Honesty is the ability to tell the truth, but integrity is the ability to live by your truth.
The reason this is as important as honesty, is that it indicates a congruence and stability within the personality that cues many, many other rewards over time.
People who live with integrity are dependable, reliable, and just. They have principles they will stand by, so you always know where they stand.
A person with integrity also values themselves, so will possess a healthy (not narcissistic) confidence, and instill confidence in you, as well. This eliminates a lot of guess work in relationships, and leads directly to the next non-negotiable ...
3. Respectfulness
This one is a bit personal, because you may highly respect someone for particular reasons. But do not pass go without a clear feeling of mutual respect between you and the man you love. In other words, you must respect him and you must feel respected by him.
Relationships without mutual respect turn bitter, resentful and unhappy — that is, if they don't end, which they likely will.
If your boyfriend or husband exhibits respect for you and for other people in his life, he should be racking up "keep him points." Pay close attention to the way he talks about his mom, his boss, and his friends.
Keep in mind that real respect isn't just liking or agreeing with someone or giving them what they want. Real respect remains intact even when someone disagrees with you, e.g., if his boss makes him skip vacation but he knows his boss has good reason and good principles, he’ll likely respect him for it.
Granted, not everyone in his life deserves your respect, but if he doesn’t respect a good amount of people, there’s a problem here. Sturdy, respectable people take the responsibility to surround themselves with respectable people and to nourish those relationships. And, strong people can find something to respect in most, if not all, people.
Bonus: This one acts a strong indicator of whether or not a man is emotionally manipulative. If he demonstrates this trait on a consistent basis, you have good reason to trust him and invest in the relationship. If he seems “great” but is lacking here, beware of a potential manipulator!
4. Good-natured
This is the kind of person you want around when it's time to relax and have fun, as well as when things feel challenging.
Good-natured people handle challenges well and accentuate the highlights of life. This is important, because when you think about spending the long haul with a guy, it’s the ability to enjoy the little moments that makes for the most gratifying life possible.
Good natured people aren't petty, they have a good sense of humor, and they respond to challenges by taking responsibility and looking for ways to grow. They don't place much value on either pity or self pity, they don’t put others down, and they always look to make the best they can of difficult situations.
Of course, there are many more qualities and personality traits that are important to look for in a man.
Some are and should be personal to you, your value system, and your life path.
However, these four specific traits are integral to the ability to create a healthy, secure, vibrant partnership that you will still enjoy decades down the road. They are the foundation of healthy potential.
So, if you can say yes, your guy possesses these four personality traits, think thrice before letting him go!
Dr. Perrin Elisha is a psychologist, psychoanalyst, author and teacher who helps clients get to the root of and heal their relational difficulties. Download her free eBook "How to Be an Extraordinary Partner" to learn more.