If The Man You Love Has These 9 Personality Traits, Never Let Him Go

Photo: Unsplash: Alvin Mahmudov
9 Personality Traits To Look For In A Guy Before Deciding He's The One & Getting Married

When you're dating a man and falling in love with him, you want to have no doubts about him. And while you realize that expecting a guy to live up to Superman-level standards isn't realistic, or even desirable, when you're asking yourself, "Is he the one?", you do want him to have some superhero-worthy personality traits that let you know can feel safe spending your lifetime by his side.

That's why is so critical to be aware of what it is that makes a man the kind of husband you want before you even think about getting married.

As a child, I always loved Christopher Reeve in the 1978 version of Superman. To me, his Clark Kent is truly the quintessential man, possessing the most charming combination of desirable personality traits: dashing, kind, compassionate, brave, loyal and fiercely protective of his special woman, Lois. He even managed to turn back time in order to save her! Could any man be any more committed to the love of his life?

Compare this to the type of men you run across on Tinder or Plenty of Fish, where the kindest message they send are typically something like, “You’re pretty hot. Is that picture recent? Want to see what I'm doing right now while I look at it?”

These guys are not gentlemen who respect women. They want what they want when they want it, and put little thought into anyone else’s needs, wants, or feelings.

Superman had empathy for other people, even his enemies. He respected all people, especially women. He was kind, chivalrous and showed the intensity of his love, wearing his heart on his sleeve instead of playing mind games.

Yes, I know Superman is not real. I’ve loved many such fictional boyfriends over the years and am well aware that my standards for men are pretty far-fetched, as in all the way out to Krypton.

However, I've never given up hope that there are men like this who actually live on planet Earth. My own father nearly met that otherworldly standard, so I know there are other men out there who come pretty darn close to meeting it. too.

RELATED: 12 Unmistakable Signs That He's 'The One'

In general, women prefer men who are confident in their masculinity without being cliche about it.

If a guy sees women as trophies and violence as an acceptable solution to life’s problems, he's unlikely to be either superhero or husband material in my book.

Rather, I'm talking about the kind of man who has reached a level of emotional maturity where, rather than seeing a woman as an extension of his own ego, he views her as an equal partner in a love that includes mutual give-and-take of respect, caring, and consideration.

And, he doesn't even need to wear blue tights.

So if you're dating and falling in love with a guy and wondering, "Is he the one?", here are personality traits to look for that prove he's Superman-worthy husband material.

1. Well-Kept

This is a guy who stays on top of haircuts, takes a few moments to consider whether his outfits are appropriate for the occasion (no sweatpants...ever), and at least attempts to get the dirt out from under his nails before going out on a date.

All of this may seem superficial, but it adds up to one important thing: He is not completely oblivious to his impact on other people.

2. Refined

He is not a blow-hard, with a need to be at the center of attention at all times. He’s not afraid of the spotlight but doesn't need it to feel significant as a man. He can hold a meaningful, give-and-take conversation. He asks questions about you, too, and his eyes don’t glaze over the minute you start talking.

3. Fun and easygoing

This is a man who doesn't take himself too seriously.

He allows himself to genuinely smile, and laughs frequently, especially when you are attempting to make a joke.

4. Emotionally available

He’s not a man-child who's afraid of commitment or a forever Peter Pan trying to avoid the real-life responsibilities of caring for other people besides himself.

He has worked through his insecurities, fears and inner wounds, and has learned how to be emotionally available and committed to a potential partner.

RELATED: People With These 8 Personality Traits Are The Least Likely To Break Your Heart

5. Open, honest and direct

This guy doesn't play mind-games, nor does he indulge in relationship power-plays as a way to entertain himself or feel as though he's in control. He's knows who he is and he doesn't need to pretend to be anything but himself.

If he likes a woman, he doesn't keep her waiting and wondering. He unabashedly asks a woman out on a date, inquires about where she would like to go, makes the arrangements, and follows through with his commitment.

If he’s not interested after the date, he’s polite about it. If he is interested, he doesn't just sit on it and make her wonder for the fun of messing with her emotions.

6. Respectful

He may be wise, worldly, and highly intellectual but he will still respect a difference of opinion.

He may enjoy a good discussion, but he’s not threatened by alternative opinions to his, and does not react with competition by trying to force his opinion on you.

7. Genuine

If he sees you as more than a sexual plaything, he will show it by being curious about who you are, what makes you tick and what you are passionate about. He is genuinely interested in you and has no ulterior motive.

Don't confuse him with a "love bomber" who asks too many intrusive personal questions as a tactic to make you fall in love.

8. Down-to-Earth

Real men may behave in protective ways at times, but this isn't due to a deep-seated insecurity and need for identity.

He doesn't need to be a superhero or knight in shining armor or to have his ego stroked.

9. Authentic

A healthy man will have a true identity and well-formed sense of self — who he is, what he stands for, and his beliefs and values. His behavior doesn't shift based on the company he is in, and his character shows stability over time.

He doesn't have to rely on a persona of the bad boy, intellectual, or the tough guy in order to feel significant. He is secure in his masculinity and true identity.

Your guy could be 'the one' if he has figured out when and where to wear a button-down, is confident enough to make the leap and ask for a date (instead of incessantly texting for weeks on end), and can respectfully ask why you love punk music without making you feel like a total weirdo.

He will offer you a spot under his umbrella and give you a genuine compliment — not just to get brownie points. His personality is consistent whether he is with his mom or his boss, and he can laugh at himself if he mispronounces a word.

When you find this man, know that you have found your keeper, and make sure to thank your lucky stars (and give a nod to Krypton while you're at it).

RELATED: 8 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Deciding He's 'The One'

Joanne Erman is a leadership coach that works in private practice in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.

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