If A Man Displays These 4 Behaviors, You Sadly Aren't A Priority In His Life At All
When a man shows these true colors, it's a clear sign his focus lies elsewhere.
Taylor | Unsplash There are people out there who will never make you a priority in their lives. For the sake of this article, I am referring to men, but the following advice also applies to women.
Relying on any person to change how he sees you will never work — it will land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. Instead, you must do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men who will never make you a priority. If you truly want to find love and commitment, then you need to explore who he is and how well you align with him before getting attached.
If a man displays these 4 behaviors, you sadly aren't a priority in his life at all:
1. He lacks purpose and/or passion
The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career, but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world.
The issue with passionless and purposeless people is that they are often suffering internally. They suffer from core identity challenges, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack a core foundation, and that makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well.
Of course, work doesn't have to be a person's only form of passion, but a man who can be serious about you will have some sort of life purpose or passion either within his career or outside of it.
When a person lacks passion and purpose, you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, use sex in unhealthy ways, or even develop avoidant personalities.
These sorts of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level. Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives; however, if we do not know who we are, we are not ready for authentic love, a relationship, or a soulmate partnership.
2. He has extraordinary chaos going on in his life
Pormezz / Shutterstock
This might seem like the net you want to cast to meet someone has just shrunk incredibly, especially for all of you over 30 out there. I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don't get caught up in the web of believing that you can "fix them," and if you do fix them, that they will be yours, and love will heal it all.
Those of you who want to always fix someone are falling into the idea that things will change, you are making excuses for your partner's behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Research has demonstrated that the fixer mentality stems from a feeling of inadequacy, where people compensate by trying to solve everyone else's problems.
Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don't get mad at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall. Stop being in a relationship with a project! You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs, and desires with a project? Fine.
But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don't give your heart away. We can all be projects at times in our lives. We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.
Alignment and emotional maturity, however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here, you can decide if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.
3. He is extremely set in his ways
Typically, this happens as we age. Older people, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree, can become very set in their ways.
This means that they are set in how they do life alone, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front end of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional maturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.
Research on emotional development shows that while older adults may be chronologically mature, an emotional maturity gap can exist when someone lacks relationship experience.
4. He says he wants commitment, but doesn't act like it
New Africa / Shutterstock
There are "casual relationship men" who offer or request monogamy right out of the gate, but who have no real desire to be in a committed relationship.
This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case, and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.
You must understand what commitment means if you want it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away... commitment comes with love.
Look at the traditional marriage vows if you want a good definition of what commitment is. Commitment means, "I've got your back!" — for better or worse. In sickness and health. Richer or poorer.
If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone's face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, then you are not committed!
This takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship. Of course, love plays a significant role, and love grows the commitment.
However, as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced, and following the energy, the lure of someone's physical appearance and the chemistry, you will never be a priority to whomever this other person is!
Get aligned with yourself! Set your intentions for what you want in a relationship. Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up, and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.
Rene Schooler is a highly trained intimacy and relationship coach, author, and speaker. Her work has appeared on Elephant Journal, Medium, The Good Men Project, and Raw Attraction, and she has been featured on LifeTime TV and 'Married at First Sight'.
