If A Man Doesn't Appreciate The Woman He Claims To Love, He'll Show These 11 Small Signs
When a man starts to have doubts, lack of appreciation is one of the first warning signs.
Marcos Paulo Prado | Unsplash Appreciation is the cornerstone of a thriving relationship. When a woman feels her efforts, love, and presence are taken for granted, she starts to believe something is amiss.
While men and women often have different ways of expressing love, there are signs that a man may not be appreciating his partner as he should. A few example of these are below, but this list is far from exhaustive.
If a man doesn't truly appreciate the woman he claims to love, he'll do these 11 small things:
1. He stops courting her
Even after years together, women can feel unappreciated when their partners stop making an effort. Gestures that once reinforced closeness may fade, leaving her feeling unseen and undervalued. When courting disappears, it can send the message that she and their relationship are no longer a priority.
Courting doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive. A walk after dinner, a movie night, or sharing a funny video shows her that he enjoys being with her and wants to nurture their connection. Through these thoughtful efforts, she sees that her partner appreciates her and the love they share.
In addition, research has shown that expressing love helps both partners feel more love. Courting can encourage love to grow, and if a man stops, it can be a self-perpetuating cycle that can cause a relationship to end.
2. He stops listening
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When a man dismisses or ignores a woman’s feelings, she can feel invisible. Men often focus on solving problems, while women share to feel understood. Without empathy or attention, she may feel that her thoughts and emotions do not matter.
Listening with patience and respect is key to appreciation. Pausing, staying attentive, and trying to see her perspective, even if he disagrees, makes her feel cared for. Simple sounds or phrases like “mm-hmm,” “ahh,” “I see,” or “Oh, really!” show presence and engagement. Saying “I see why that would upset you” turns genuine attention into an expression of love.
3. He expects her to think like he does
Many men assume women should think and react as they do. When she experiences and processes emotions differently, it can create frustration or misunderstanding and leave her feeling that her perspective is undervalued.
Appreciation comes from respecting her different ways of seeing the world. Listening to how a woman sees a situation can reveal nuances that might otherwise be missed. Her perspective can open his eyes to a richer, more empathetic way of seeing situations, one that values understanding as much as problem-solving.
4. He doesn’t respond when she needs him
When a woman asks for help, delaying, brushing her off, or acting like she’s interrupting sends a powerful message that her needs and wants can wait and leave her feeling unimportant and overlooked. Research from The Gottman Institute shows that partners returning one another's bids for attention tend to have stronger bonds, and those responses were predictive of marriages that last longer.
A man shows appreciation when he responds with care and follows through immediately or as soon as possible. If he can’t act right away, a quick note to himself signals his intention to help. The act of presence and responsibility demonstrates that her needs carry weight and he’s there for her.
5. He overlooks her efforts and contributions
Women often quietly notice details that make life smoother: remembering birthdays, planning quality time, and managing appointments. When a man stops acknowledging these efforts or assumes they’ll happen automatically, she can feel overburdened or taken for granted. Research reported by Harvard Health showed that pepeople who expressed appreciation feel more positively toward their partner!
Notice her thoughtfulness. Appreciation doesn’t require grand gestures. When he pauses and says, “You make our lives better,” it reassures that her contributions matter.
6. He does not support her growth
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A man who does not encourage her passions, friendships, or goals can make her feel restricted and undervalued. Ignoring her individuality shows that her personal growth is trivial.
Appreciation celebrates her as a whole person. A man who values his wife takes joy in her successes. Supporting her growth shows respect for her individuality and trust in her judgment, while cheering her on and valuing her achievements enriches the relationship and demonstrates confidence and love.
7. He makes her feel like an afterthought
When a man constantly puts work, friends, sports, or his phone before his partner, she can feel like she’s competing for his attention. Over time, this makes her feel that she isn’t fully valued, quietly weakening their emotional connection.
Reassurance through presence is one of the strongest ways to show love. Turning off the phone during dinner, asking about her day, or carving out uninterrupted time together lets her know she is priority one. Simple, consistent acts communicate appreciation, reinforce trust, and make her feel seen, loved, and secure.
8. He makes her feel small
Criticism, jokes at her expense, or comparing her to others can slowly erode a woman’s confidence. Even when a man intends it as playful, teasing, or ribbing can make her feel belittled. Dr. Mark Travers, a therapist, explains that snide jokes can easily reflect contempt, which is one of the most damaging forces in any relationship.
Many women instinctively analyze the deeper meaning behind these comments, wondering if they reflect how he truly sees or values them. Over time, this can undermine her sense of security.
Women feel appreciated when their partner treats them with respect and kindness. Demonstrating support without teasing or joking at her expense shows that he recognizes her worth. For many women, reassurance is an ongoing need. Taking pride in her qualities and showing consistent respect quiets self-doubt.
9. He stops making an effort in intimacy
When a man stops showing affection, offering touch, or expressing desire, it can leave a woman feeling unwanted. Emotional closeness often suffers when intimacy is neglected.
Women need to feel emotionally safe before they can open up physically. A man who takes time to make her feel cherished through touch, attention, and affection strengthens both emotional and physical intimacy. Appreciation and desire go hand in hand.
10. He avoids accountability
When a man blames his partner for every issue or refuses to take responsibility, it signals that he doesn’t value her contributions or the relationship. Avoidance can create resentment and diminish trust.
A woman feels cared for when her partner owns his mistakes and works to improve, showing emotional maturity and awareness while demonstrating that he values the effort she puts into building a healthy partnership. This appreciation strengthens trust, reinforces respect and devotion, and reassures her that both her contributions and the relationship are valued.
11. He treats her love as guaranteed
The most painful sign is when a man assumes she’ll always be there, no matter how little he gives in return. Love isn’t permanent without care.
Men and women both need regular emotional nourishment. A devoted partner shows up consistently through small gestures, attentive communication, and emotional presence. When he notices her efforts, expresses gratitude, and invests in the relationship, it reassures her that her love is cherished and that he cares.
Final thoughts:
Relationships need regular care and maintenance to thrive. If you’ve identified some of these signs in your relationship, consider them an opportunity for growth. Open communication, gratitude, and a commitment to showing love in ways that resonate with your partner can reignite appreciation and strengthen your bond.
As we navigate the intricate dynamics of love, let’s remember that appreciation is a language we all need to speak fluently. Showing gratitude and valuing your partner is the key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW, is a therapist and the Director at Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Bergen and Morris Counties, New Jersey.
