Man Argues Against ‘Urgency’ In Dating After Receiving 78 Texts From A New Tinder Match — ‘I Don’t Want To Trigger You By Casually Living’
“I didn’t know that adults were still getting upset at other adults for taking more than an hour to text back.”
Dean Drobot, Ery Fitria | Canva Pro While the vast, exciting, and seemingly bountiful world of dating can be fulfilling, it’s impossible to ignore the current landscape's pitfalls. First-date horror stories and unattainable relationship expectations, combined with the nightmare of dating apps, make finding a partner as difficult, if not harder, than maintaining a healthy long-term relationship.
For those brave enough to weather the storm of online apps and first dates, like TikTok creator @introvertedofficial, we wish them the best — while still lurking for the entertainment of all their juicy stories.
A single man condemned ‘urgency’ in dating after receiving 78 text messages from a new Tinder match — ‘What void are you trying to fill?’
In a recent post, he shared a dating story with a new Tinder match that had him feeling “freaked out" before ever meeting up for an in-person date.
“Regardless of its urgency,” he said, “if you’re my new Tinder match, I don’t think you should be upset at all. I matched with someone on Tinder about a week ago and gave them my number when they asked for it. But I was very clear that I’m not the biggest texter... especially if the conversation is casual.” While their match initially admitted it was no problem, even adding they “felt lucky” just to chat occasionally, things took a swift turn.
Being honest about his tendency to let incoming texts linger and working on “Do Not Disturb” seemed to encourage his Tinder match to send follow-up texts. One after another, the texts came through until his inbox was flooded when he left work the next day.
“Hello? Hello? Why aren’t you texting me back? Did you match with someone else? Lol. I’m sorry, that was rude. That was over the top. Hello? Okay. You know what? Forget it; now I’m getting [expletive].”
After not responding while at work for 4 hours, his new Tinder match texted him 78 times — ‘Their emotions were swinging all over.’
“Yesterday, my work day was really busy, so I didn’t respond for like four hours. I didn’t respond to anyone casually for four hours,” he emphasized. "I came back to my phone to see 78 text messages from this new match, and their emotions were swinging all over the place.”
While some commenters argued that a quick text saying “you’d be busy” would’ve been kind, others passionately disagreed after hearing just how many texts he’d received. “If we just matched on Tinder or have been casually seeing each other, I don’t owe you anything… We shouldn’t be texting each other 24/7 anyway; that’s peak delusion.”
While the 78 text messages, with a false sense of “urgency” and intense “mood swings,” are concerning enough, commenters' points about online love are an undervalued topic of conversation in the modern dating world. “Texting every single day can strain a relationship,” lifestyle creator @acedoesvlogz said in a video. “It creates a false sense of intimacy and even more; you’re withholding yourself from personal space.”
Letting a Tinder match or first-date interest consume you, especially virtually, isn’t going to do you any favors for your mental health or the healthy relationship you’re trying to build. “Adults, teens, anyone dating — relax. You should not feel urgency when talking to anyone you just met… platonically, romantically, occupationally.” It can also just come across as a bit unsettling, as it surely did in this case.
Not only is this sense of ‘urgency’ overwhelming for a new relationship, but it’s also incredibly unhealthy.
It’s okay to be excited about a potential new partner, especially knowing how terrible the dating scene has become, but there’s a fine line between excitement and obsession.
If you’re feeling a little bit called out by any of these videos, don’t turn to resentment or isolation. Find hobbies, self-care activities, or even therapy that helps to ground you in your emotions. You deserve a happy, fulfilling relationship like anyone else does — find ways to reconnect with yourself so you can approach dating from a balanced perspective.
Many critics advocating for people to “delete the apps” point to this kind of toxic, anxious, validation-seeking behavior on apps like Tinder and Hinge that you want to avoid. Whether you’re just playing a game of swiping on apps, seeking validation, or desperately (whether conscious or not) looking for a partner — dating apps can be detrimental to your mental health.
Studies show dating apps can be addicting — sparking a toxic cycle of dopamine release and disappointment that makes it near-impossible to quit. For people already feeling lonely or struggling with anxious attachments in relationships, access to this constant cycle can be incredibly harmful.
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Whether you’re ready to delete the apps or not, taking proactive steps towards acknowledging and addressing your anxious tendencies can help you to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships. “Note to my anxious people,” one commenter wrote.
“When you meet someone you really like, engage in your hobbies. Personally, I buy a new game to occupy my time.” Not only does this help distract you from an immediate spiral but it can also protect your own peace while dating.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.