5 Magnetic Things Women Do That Make Men Think About Them Constantly
Blaire Harmon | Unsplash First, let me say that you can't actually make a man fall in love with you, but you can certainly inspire his love for you. This is important to remember for many reasons, mostly because a lot of women think they can somehow earn a man's love by putting lots of energy into the relationship. Unfortunately for them, love doesn't work this way.
The kind of women that linger in a man's mind are usually the ones who have something that men can't really put into words. They're qualities that make him replay conversations in his mind and reach for his phone to connect. This kind of magnetism might spark from physical attraction or flirting tricks, but it's maintained through the way a woman carries herself when she's not trying to impress anyone.
Here are 5 magnetic things women do that make men think about them constantly:
1. Magnetic women don't chase
Exerting effort in the relationship doesn't work, but what does work is allowing the man to roll up his sleeves and earn your respect and affection. Men like to provide; it makes them feel worthy and validated in their manhood when they can be of service to a woman.
When you chase a man and do all the servicing in the relationship, you take away his need for responsibility and desire to please you. Attachment research has found why this constant-chase dynamic tends to backfire.
"Anxiously attached people tend to over-focus on other people and under-focus on their own sense of self. They tend not to be particularly self-reliant, since they have a belief that everyone else's actions affect them, and that others must meet their needs in order for them to feel nurtured. Ambivalently attached people crave relationships and closeness, but may also simultaneously reject them out of fear," clinical psychologist Dr. Diane Poole Heller explained.
Most men don't feel comfortable when the woman is doing all the work. They either get lazy about deepening the connection, are not sure of their natural place in the relationship, or leave.
2. They say what they mean and mean what they say
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The fastest way to learn how to get a guy to like you is to earn his respect and awe. A woman who knows her boundaries can demurely and simply communicate them and can stick to enforcing them, will do just this.
I spent years afraid to speak up, thinking that a man would dump me if I said something that upset him. And I mistakenly assumed that most everything would upset men — a desire to take things too slow intimately, a desire to spend more time together, a desire to be called back within a few hours, and not after a few days.
What ended up happening? I turned into a doormat, and doormats are angry. It's a very powerless position to be in. I ended up having an angry vibe about me that came across as brittle and needy.
Plus, when I did try to communicate, my message was indecipherable, and men got confused about what I wanted. It's best to be honest, direct, and get straight to the point.
Therapist Kimberly Pereira explained that "Most people hint, or give subtle cues or suggestions, hoping the person receiving the communication will 'get it,' rather than stating things simply and clearly. We expect everyone to think like us. Thus, we think that they understand what we are saying in the way we say it. However, the truth is that everyone else is doing the same thing, including your partner."
3. Magnetic women give people their full attention
Women have a lot to say, and we need a man to listen to all our issues. However, men need to talk, too. And oftentimes we miss a man's cues to be heard because they're much more subtle.
A guy isn't going to say, "Can you please listen to me?" or, "Can I tell you all about my day?" But he does desperately want you to listen when he shares a story or asks for your advice on something. He needs you to stop what you're doing (put the phone, your workload, the dishes, or the child down) and hear him out. He needs you to listen with more than your ears and hear past his spoken words.
He also needs you to validate him often. Say, "I'm proud of you for that," "Sounds like you did the right thing," or "I love the way you tell a funny story."
4. They love themselves first
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A man falls in love with you, the more you fall in love with yourself. So few women have self-confidence and self-esteem. Regardless of how you lost your self-belief, it's your job to fall back in love with that goddess in the mirror.
Feelings of self-loathing aren't attractive. Low levels of self-love not only affect the way you move, have intercourse, socialize, and share your feelings; you're also more likely to smother a man with neediness if you have a bad self-image.
"You tend to attract the same level of self-esteem in your mate that you have in yourself. It's not a guessing game if you know what you want and also have those same qualities. I am not saying you two need to be the same person," marriage and family therapist Susan Saint-Welch cautioned.
If you can't feel good about yourself, you're going to look to a man to be your mirror. Soon, you're going to be constantly seeking out love and validation at a rate that he can't keep up; soon, your desire for a sweet compliment will feel like a demand to him.
5. Magnetic women soften their edges
Take a deep breath and think about a litter of puppies climbing all over you and licking your face. Their warm bellies, furry paws, and wobbly walk. Aww, you feel emotionally lighter, right? Well, next time you're with your man, smile and get to that puppy-litter place.
I don't just suggest you do this when things are rosy in your relationship; do it when things are awful, too. You can still have calm energy and a happy heart when you're mad as hell. It takes practice and trust, but it's doable, and it's so important.
It shows a man that you're an emotionally safe place for him. A lot of men are afraid of women, while women are scared of a man's physical size and booming voice.
They're afraid of our emotions; they don't want to disappoint us or be shamed by us in the midst of an emotional outburst. A woman with intense, erratic energy can make a man run fast.
Kristina Marchant is a writer and author. She is also a relationship and dating coach who advises women on men and healthy relationship skills.
