10 Subtle Gestures Women Make That Make Men Feel Deeply Valued, According To Psychology
Simple ways to make a man feel seen.
mimagephotography | Canva It’s not often that we see or read things about how to make a man feel loved and special in a relationship. I always encourage men to treat the woman in their life better, to be romantic, genuine, and all of that fun stuff.
But the truth is, it goes both ways. Research by The Gottman Institute confirms that any successful relationship requires consistent effort from both partners. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?
Here are the subtle gestures women make that make men feel deeply valued, according to psychology:
1. Compliment him
This may surprise a lot of women, but it’s rare for a man to receive genuine compliments. Whether it's because society has taught him to reject them or insecurity, men may not always respond positively to compliments.
But compliments don't need to be solely physical; in fact, you'll find that mentioning something else that's attractive about him — the way he smells, how good of a father he is, how hard he works — will make him smile.
Women are often on the giving end of compliments, but it's time to flip the script. Acknowledging your guy with genuine adoration will make him feel appreciated.
2. Ask him for his advice
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Stereotypically, when a woman tells a man about her problems, she isn’t necessarily looking for a solution. She wants a listener. However, a man’s instinct is to try to provide a solution.
So go ahead and specifically ask him for his advice. It makes him feel useful, wanted, and even needed. It is going to allow him to flex his problem-solving muscles and make him feel like he’s contributing to your life.
Research suggests that men's feelings are often linked to their desire to be seen as helpful, knowledgeable, and competent, which can be triggered by women seeking their advice. Providing advice can be a way for men to demonstrate their competence and knowledge, which can enhance their self-esteem and how others perceive them.
3. Wear the outfit you know he loves
You've probably heard it before: Men are visual creatures. But there’s more to it than just looking good. It's about the extra touch you add and the time you've put into your appearance that will make him feel special. If a man sees you in something that you know he loves, he will recognize that you're putting effort into looking good for him specifically.
4. Give him your undivided attention
Yes, women multitask better than men do. You may be able to check your email and still give him your attention, but it shows your lack of intention.
Instead, when he's talking to you or even just trying to receive some type of acknowledgement, stop what you're doing and give him the time of day. Show him that he’s got your complete attention.
A man receiving a woman's undivided attention can lead to feelings of worth, validation, and connection. This attention, particularly when it involves active listening and a genuine interest in the man's thoughts and feelings, research has found can strengthen his sense of self and emotional well-being.
5. Make him feel comfortable being vulnerable with you
Men are often told that they should be the strong ones. This is incorrectly translated as being unemotional. I fully believe that showing emotion requires more strength than holding it in, but societal constructs often tell us otherwise.
This means that there are very few safe places for men to open up and vent about what’s bothering them, regardless of how badly they want to. If you provide a safe place for your man to vent, it will be a welcome gesture of love and affection.
6. Be affectionate with him
As simple as this one is, it is often overlooked. While you may give him a peck on the lips or a hug now and then, men want to feel like they are doing their part.
Small things like hand-holding, walking arm-in-arm, or resting your head on his shoulder can make him feel like he’s protecting you, even if you don’t need his protection. Protecting you is often a man’s way of showing you his love.
Affectionate behaviors, such as hugs, kisses, compliments, and words of appreciation, can contribute to men's sense of being valued and desired. A 2016 study found that these actions can also enhance feelings of intimacy and connection within relationships.
7. Show him he’s a priority
We all have busy lives with friends, family, work, and hobbies, but make sure you include him where you can. It can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, but making your guy feel special should be at the top of your list.
Time is the most valuable asset any of us have because we can’t get it back after we spend it. It’s also the most important gift we can give to someone. So, make sure he knows how important he is to you and put him first.
8. Pick up the tab
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I believe a man should always pay for dates. Not necessarily just the first date, but also ongoing.
However, if you occasionally slip your card to the waiter without him noticing, he’s not going to hate it. It will show him that you appreciate the things he does for you and that you’re willing to take care of him, too. After all, what's a good relationship without switching things up now and then?
9. Give him long hugs
Men often communicate physically, whether it’s through body language or putting their arm around you. It’s a language that he instinctively understands.
Women can send their guys a very important message of love by being physically close. Holding on to him just a little longer and hugging him just a little tighter will show him the affection that he desires.
10. Tell him you appreciate him
Romance and relationships are two-way streets. A good man will give to you without asking for anything in return, but that doesn’t mean you should do nothing.
Showing men appreciation and gratitude, especially for their efforts and contributions, significantly boosts their self-esteem, confidence, and overall emotional well-being. Men want to know that their contributions are recognized and appreciated. A 2020 study concluded that showing appreciation validates their actions and makes them feel like their efforts matter.
While you may be physically present, he needs to hear from your mouth that you openly acknowledge how much you appreciate him. Tell your man that you cherish having him in your life. It's that simple.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
