If Your Partner Avoids These 11 Conversations, They’re Not Fully In The Relationship
If they can't talk to you about these things, it's clear they're not as into the relationship as you are.
Benevolente82 / Shutterstock There’s no denying that relationships are complicated. It can be difficult to be on the same page as someone at all times. The most heartbreaking part of a relationship is when one person is fully invested in the partnership, but the other is not. This can cause a slew of complications that may ultimately put an end to the relationship.
It’s not always easy to tell when someone is no longer invested in the relationship they’re in. If you notice your partner is pulling away, it could be a clear sign they no longer want to be with you. Maybe they are withholding affection or intimacy, or they’re no longer prioritizing spending time with you. In cases like these, it can be clear. But what happens if that person isn’t acting noticeably different in these ways? If they’re failing to have important conversations with you, it’s a clear sign they are not fully in the relationship. These are conversations that people tend to stop having when they no longer care about preserving the relationship.
If your partner avoids these 11 conversations, they’re not fully in the relationship
1. Talks about the future
Syda Productions
When someone refuses to include you in their conversations about the future, things are not going well in the relationship. On their end, they no longer see a future with you. They don’t see a reason to discuss the future with you because they don't see you as part of it. They are not going to plan their lives around you any longer. They will no longer make future plans with you.
“Do you want to stake your future on someone who you have to convince to be with you? It’s important to note that a healthily attached person can become anxiously attached if they spend too long with an avoidant partner,” says Tonya Lester, LCSW. “The worst-case scenario isn’t a break-up; it’s spending years of your life with someone incapable of being ‘all in’ a relationship.”
2. Discussions of boundaries
pixelshot
In order to have a healthy relationship, there needs to be boundaries set. You need to make sure you have protection of your own peace, while also respecting the ones put up by your partner. When someone is no longer fully invested in a relationship with you, they will no longer prioritize setting boundaries or following the ones you put up.
Disregarding or failing to set up boundaries shows they do not take the relationship seriously. A partner who truly values your time will be sure to make the partnership as healthy as they can make it. Boundaries are important, and if they are not willing to set up boundaries or follow the ones already in place, they are not fully invested.
3. Sharing personal struggles
Alex Green from Pexels
Opening up to a partner is required in a relationship. How they’re feeling matters, and their inability to share where they’re at emotionally with you is a sign they are not fully in the relationship.
When someone genuinely cares about the relationship, they will come to you with everything. I know in my relationship, my partner is the first person I go to when something is upsetting me or I feel wronged. It’s not a good sign when they’re no longer finding comfort in you regarding their personal struggles. It’s clear they are not fully in the relationship.
4. Discussing finances
Monkey Business Images
Financial situations vary from relationship to relationship. My partner and I don’t share a bank account. However, since we live together, it’s important to keep one another up-to-date on our financial situation. Having conversations about money can be hard, but it is important to keep your partner involved.
If someone is failing to share their financial situation with you, especially if they once used to have open conversations about money, it can be a sign that they are no longer invested in the relationship. Financial mistrust can be the final nail in the coffin of a relationship. If they’re leaving you out of their finances, they may be planning to leave the relationship entirely.
5. Sharing information about your families
Wavebreak from Getty Images Signature
Integrating your partner into your life is important. Of course, you don’t need to tell your significant other everything going on in the lives of your loved ones. Nor do you need to invite them to every outing you have. However, a person who genuinely cares will have an open dialogue about their loved ones with their partner. This could be updating them on a family member’s health or sharing the accomplishments of a close friend.
When you notice these conversations are wavering, they’re no longer interested in including you in every aspect of their life. This could be a sign that they are not fully involved in the relationship. If they’re not telling you about their friends and family, chances are they’ve stopped talking about you to them as well.
6. Each of your core beliefs
Syda Productions
How will you know if you align with someone in a long-term relationship if they are unwilling to talk about their beliefs with you? If your partner used to be open to talking about their values and beliefs but no longer cares to do so, it could be a serious sign they are not fully in the relationship. Why bother having these conversations with someone you are no longer interested in being with?
Could your partner be avoiding telling you about their beliefs because they no longer align with yours? That could be the case. However, according to Nicholas Balaisis, Ph.D., RP, there are chances to move past changes in beliefs and values. If your partner is unwilling to have this conversation at all, they could be checked out of the relationship entirely.
7. Communicating about needs
CREATISTA from Getty Images
A relationship can only survive if the couple communicates their needs. For some people, sharing how they feel can be so overwhelming and scary that they put off doing it entirely. If someone isn’t talking about their needs, it can be hard to connect emotionally. When they avoid this entirely, it’s clear they’re not fully in the relationship.
“On the one hand, we long for deep connection, a bond in which we feel deeply recognized, understood, and cared about. On the other hand, we fear that such a bond will somehow destroy our independence, maybe even our identity,” says F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W. “For some people, talking, even casually, can stir up a fear that we will get too close and lose our sense of who we are as separate people.”
8. Your feelings
PixelsEffect from Getty Images Signature
What happens when someone no longer cares to ask how you’re feeling? It’s difficult to feel connected to someone who doesn’t seem to care about how you’re doing. If they aren’t showing concern over your feelings, it’s clear they are no longer concerned about the relationship.
“A partner who cares will want to know about the details of your day-to-day life, such as how your meeting at work went or what you did during your girls’ night out,” says licensed clinical social worker Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz. “When he doesn’t care, you will probably find that he rarely checks in on you or asks how you’re doing. He may tell you how his life is going, but neglects to ask about you.”
9. Their previous relationships
martin-dm from Getty Images Signature
You notice your partner is becoming more and more disconnected. You may try to understand where they’re coming from by asking them about their previous relationships. Sure, some people don't want to talk about their exes, and that is understandable. However, if you are constantly asking questions about their previous relationships to try to better understand them and they refuse to answer, they could be checked out of the relationship.
When someone is not fully involved in a relationship, they won’t be interested in talking about things that make them who they are. Past relationships play a major role in how we currently act in relationships and how we are willing to grow. Understanding why someone is the way they are in previous partnerships can help aid in your relationship with them. If they’re not fully in, they won’t bother to fill you in.
10. Decisions that need to be made
Ivanko_Brnjakovic from Getty Images
If your partner isn’t including you in important conversations, they have no interest in fully investing themselves in their relationship with you. Regardless of what the decision is, if it impacts both members of the relationship, there needs to be an open and honest conversation about it.
“Being married means being a team, and when one partner makes decisions that affect the other, it breaks the trust in the relationship,” says licensed therapist Susan G. Adams. “Typically, when people do this, they are not acting as partners but more like soloists at a concert — their voice is loud, controls the stage, but unbalances the music.”
She added, “People who do this may be refusing to grow up — they want what they want, they want to run things, and/or, they think they are avoiding conflict when, in fact, they are making more of it.”
11. Your aspirations
SashaFoxWalters from Getty Images Signature
To form a solid relationship, each partner needs to be on the same page. Of course, it’s not expected that they will always have the same ideas, but it is key to share their aspirations with one another. It also helps show the other person that you have shared goals you are working towards.
If someone is no longer willing to talk about their goals, it’s clear they are not fully invested in the relationship. I know for me, it would be a dealbreaker if a partner refused to share their hopes and dreams with me. It would be obvious they were not interested in investing fully in a relationship.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
