If A Couple Barely Touches Each Other Anymore, It Usually Means These 11 Things About Their Marriage
If you no longer share physical affection with your partner, there are often several underlying reasons.
Oleksandr But / Shutterstock Marriage isn't always smooth sailing. As much as couples try, there's bound to be bumps in the road. Yet despite these difficulties, most couples almost always find a way to make it through. However, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means these 11 things about their marriage.
Now, it's not to say that couples need to hug one another every second of every day to show that their marriage is going strong. Some people aren't all that affectionate and prefer to keep physical intimacy to a minimum. Even so, never touching one another is a clear sign that something is wrong with their marriage. While couples might not admit it, the truth is that human beings are naturally designed to connect, which is why refusing to is a glaring red flag.
If a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means these 11 things about their marriage
1. They've become emotionally distant
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If a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means emotional distance has grown. Now, there's nothing wrong with needing space. As much as they may adore their partner, people are only human. After a stressful day at work, the last thing they want is to be bombarded with questions or demands. Even so, if a couple is always emotionally distant, this could explain the lack of affection.
Even if the couple loves one another, if they aren't fulfilling their emotional needs, physical needs take a backseat. As psychotherapist Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, explained, the common causes of lack of physical intimacy include insecurity in the relationship, lack of attention, fear of getting hurt, and so much more. So, if a couple wants to get their physical intimacy back on track, start by bridging the gap. Spend time with each other. While it might feel awkward at first, with time, couples are bound to experience more intimacy in their marriage.
2. Your communication has declined
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If a couple can't even speak to one another, why would they touch each other? Whether it's hugging or kissing, no couple will feel comfortable being intimate with someone they can't even be open with. So, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means their communication has declined. Sorry, but refusing to communicate because of conflict can only go so far.
After a while, small issues tumble into bigger problems that then lead to a lack of contact. And while many couples stop this harmful cycle before it's too late, some couples find themselves tumbling headfirst into zero communication, leading to no physical intimacy in the long run. This is why couples need to push aside their pride and have honest conversations. Despite how uncomfortable it may be, by pushing through discomfort, their marriage can flourish once again.
3. Their life has become chaotic
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One minute, life feels great, and the next, everything falls apart. Whether someone is single or taken, there's no denying that life can get ugly from time to time. That being said, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means their life has become too chaotic. While life can't always be predicted, what someone does in their marriage can either make it or break it.
Regardless of how chaotic life gets, a couple that can support and ground one another is a couple that wins in life. As American psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., explained, "Encouragement and genuine recognition help create an environment where they feel valued and motivated to grow alongside you."
Now, does this mean life there won't be periods where couples lose intimacy due to stress? Of course not. Even the strongest couples can go weeks without barely touching each other. However, when life gets chaotic, remember this: hold on to each other and never let go.
4. There’s an unresolved conflict between them
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There's nothing worse than arguing with a partner. From small arguments about washing dishes to bigger ones about forgetting anniversaries, these moments test their marriage. And while many couples can weather the storm of these tests, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means there's unresolved conflict in their marriage. In their eyes, they might think it's a good thing to let problems go.
Not wanting to argue and make things worse, couples brush aside their own feelings for their partner's. However, this can only last so long before their marriage becomes stale. As it stands, neglecting one's own emotions tends to cause one's marriage to be impacted. This is why it's important to take time, gather your thoughts, and say what's on your mind. Even if it's uncomfortable, it's better to address things head-on than to allow resentment to brew.
5. There’s no romance
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There are many things couples need to do to keep their marriage alive. From communicating to spending quality time together, the effort couples put in determines the fate of their marriage. That being said, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means there's no romance in their marriage. Nobody wants to be in a loveless marriage with zero romance.
As much as some may claim to be low maintenance, getting flowers or a thoughtful gift does feel nice from time to time. As having a doctorate in psychology and being an associate professor in marketing, Alisa Minina Jeunemaitre, Ph.D., explained, "Gifts symbolize love, care, or loyalty and can reshape relationships over time."
So, if couples aren't sure if their relationship lacks romance, they should ask themselves, "When's the last time we went out on a date?" Finding ways to romance and treasure each other won't just bring intimacy back into the marriage; it'll keep it from crashing altogether.
6. Things have grown stale
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If a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means things have become stale in their marriage. Now, there's nothing wrong with things becoming boring. After being married for years, marriage is bound to get a bit boring from time to time. Even so, it's important that couples find a way to spice things up. Otherwise, their physical intimacy might start to lack. Of course, this doesn't mean doing something risky or too out of the ordinary.
Despite what their friends may suggest, it's important to be cautious when pushing boundaries and to respect one another's time. While surprises are almost always appreciated, slowly spicing things up by changing their routine from time to time is the best way to go. From small things like getting their partner breakfast to bigger things like taking their partner out to an amusement park, spicing up life is the best thing someone can do to keep their physical intimacy at an all-time high.
7. Someone’s struggling with their mental health
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Sometimes, physical intimacy has nothing to do with the other person. As much as people would love to point fingers, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means someone's struggling with their mental health. Of course, they'd never outright admit it, but mental health issues such as anxiety or depression can absolutely impact their life for the worse. From spending less time together to sleep problems, it destroys a person's everyday life.
And while their physical health is important, mental health can also have a huge impact on their relationship. According to licensed marriage and family therapist April Eldemire, LMFT, "Mental illness can cause shame, guilt, intimacy issues, and codependency in relationships, leading to disconnect and unmet needs."
As most can imagine, this might make touching one another less likely, leading to more tension and problems in the long run.
8. Their priorities are no longer aligned
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When a couple gets married, they're almost always on the same page. From deciding whether they want to have kids to where they want to live, to make a marriage stress-free, it's important to be on the same page. However, as marriage progresses and people change, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means their priorities are no longer aligned.
It's inevitable, but there will always be a period in which couples no longer agree with one another. For a period of time, they'll find themselves arguing and bickering over what's best for their marriage. And while each person's opinion is valid, to make a marriage thrive and increase intimacy, it requires humbleness and a bit of compromise. So, if a couple truly wants to improve their marriage, they should first find a way to get on the same page.
9. They aren’t speaking one another’s love language
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Do you know one another's love language? While many people claim this is another TikTok trend, there's something to be said about meeting one another's needs. While one partner may value quality time together, another may want more validation. This is why communication is important, and why not meeting each other's love language is another reason couples barely touch each other anymore.
Sorry, but if couples aren't making each other happy, they can't expect physical intimacy to be at an all-time high. As licensed clinical social worker Robert B. Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW, CSAT, explained, "Stress and anxiety can reduce libido and make physical intimacy feel less important."
Of course, this can be a lot easier said than done. It's always hard to make the first move and bridge gaps in a marriage. However, if they'd like to stay married, then pushing aside their pride is a must.
10. There’s a fear of vulnerability
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Let's face it: nobody likes to be vulnerable, even in their marriage. As much as people may highlight its importance, letting that guard down and expressing oneself through ranting or crying is a lot easier said than done. Yet despite how difficult it may be, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means there's a fear of vulnerability in their marriage. It's up to their partner to create a safe space.
As much as we expect our partner to be open to us, if we aren't creating a safe space where they can vent without feeling insecure, then the lack of intimacy doesn't fall solely on one person. So, if a partner is expressing difficulty with opening up, find ways to make them feel more encouraged. Whether it's starting those tough conversations or watching the tone of their voice as they speak, keeping themselves in check, and listening, is bound to increase intimacy in the long run.
11. There’s miscommunication
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Finally, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it usually means there's miscommunication in their marriage. It can be frustrating trying to find common ground when couples can't even understand one another. However, this is exactly why open communication is so important.
While these frustrations are unavoidable, honesty (in a respectful way) is the best way to keep their marriage intact. As clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., explained, "Being able to communicate about all aspects of oneself with a partner increases the relationship's level of intimacy."
So, if their partner is avoiding touch, they might simply be frustrated. If this is the case, giving them time before reapproaching the topic might be the best thing someone can do to keep their marriage and, by extension, their physical intimacy intact.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
