You Have A Better Marriage Than Most If These 11 Things Sound Familiar
It's the little things like these that make all the difference.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock While many people tend to boast the length of their marriage or the longevity of their relationship as a sole indicator of its health, the true well-being of most long-term partnerships comes from daily habits, rituals, and a commitment to the little things. From check-in conversations to small acts of affection and even showing up every day for a spouse, the healthiest relationships are a mural of everyone’s needs, actions, and language.
If you recognize these signs, phrases, and habits in your relationship, there's a good chance you already have a better marriage than most. Whether it's checking in with each other after a stressful day, sharing a laugh over something silly, or finding new ways to grow together, these everyday moments reveal the love and teamwork that set strong couples apart.
You have a better marriage than most if these 11 things sound familiar:
1. You check in with each other regularly
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Check-ins with a partner — on a regular basis — have a profound effect on marriage wellbeing. Especially when they become nonnegotiable, scheduled into each partner’s routine, they provide a safe space for each person’s voice to be heard and their needs acknowledged.
According to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, casually checking in with people, especially amid the chaos and stressful nature of life, can boost everyone’s mood, well-being, and productivity. It reminds people that even when things get tough, they care about each other.
2. You ask how you can show up better for each other
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Healthy relationships, supportive partners, and secure attachments bolster partner wellbeing, not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically, according to a study from the Social and Personality Psychology Compass. When partners show up for each other — and most importantly, know how to express their needs to their spouse — the healthier their marriage becomes.
You have a better marriage than most if phrases like “How can I show up better for you?” and “here’s what I need to feel supported” sound familiar. They not only provide space for partners to express their needs and directly ask for support, but they also connect and bond partners.
Nobody is a mind reader — when you need something, feel unsupported, or are ready for change in your marriage, it’s healthy communication and questions like this that give each partner the tools to succeed at home.
3. You talk about where your relationship can grow
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Longevity isn’t a sole indicator of relationship health, according to psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski. So, even if you’ve been with your partner for 10 or 20 years, if you boast a healthy relationship, it’s the habits and mindset you’ve adopted that predict wellbeing, not a simple number or the number of anniversaries under your belt.
It’s the commitment of two partners — their shared loyalty, communication, and trust — that forms a healthy marriage, which is why simple phrases like “Where do you think our relationship can grow?” and “Where can I grow as a partner?” are so profoundly influential.
While relationships won’t be constantly shifting and growing for the better, these subtle moments of connection — where both partners can express their concerns and craft a healthier plan forward — help to protect against lingering resentment that’d sabotage relationship wellbeing if left unchecked.
4. You're honest when you need extra support
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Healthy marriages and long-term relationships aren’t defined by their rigid expectations of labor and support — no two partners will healthily maintain a 50/50 split of chores, emotional labor, and support all the time. That’s why you probably have a better marriage than most if a phrase like “I need extra support today” sounds familiar.
Whether it’s helping with chores after a hard day at work, taking on family responsibilities when one partner is struggling with an illness, or simply being there to check in and support the other when things are tough, finding a new balance every day is how partners show up best for each other in healthy marriages.
According to a study from the Clinical Psychological Science journal, these partners also tend to be more securely attached, feeling safe, secure, and supported by their partners in ways that reduce depression, boost mood, and protect general wellbeing.
5. You say "I'm sorry" ... and mean it.
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Crafting genuine apologies, owning up to mistakes, and being accountable for your actions in a relationship is no easy feat. It’s vulnerable, open, and sometimes uncomfortable, which is why forgiveness after hardship can feel like such a relief.
Especially in a long-term marriage, where you’re both constantly dealing with a million other responsibilities and schedules, being able to offer apologies, compromise, and seek forgiveness is a strong and influential skill. According to a study from the Scientific Reports journal, apologizing is a habit of the healthiest couples, who prioritize their connection and forgiveness over petty arguments, internal insecurity, or resentment.
You have a better marriage than most if these things sound familiar — especially in instances where you have differing opinions, hurt feelings, or high emotional stakes.
6. You solve problems as a team
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Arguments and practicing conflict can be healthy for long-term marriages and relationships, if both partners are working from the same team. Rather than fighting against each other or trying to “win” an argument, the healthiest partners are on the same team — using phrases like “let’s solve this together” or “we’re on the same team” for assurance and security.
So, you probably have a better marriage than most if you argue with your partner in this healthy and secure way. You’re never afraid — even in the hardest moments and the roughest stages of your marriage — that your partner will turn on you or walk away to express how you truly feel. You solve problems together — whether it’s unbalanced labor at home, parenting dilemmas, or personal mental health struggles.
7. You have the hard conversations
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Whether it’s amid an argument or in a simple check-in conversation, the healthiest couples address things as they come up. While space and time are important for high-stress and emotional situations to some capacity, secure partners make an effort to address things before they transform into misunderstandings or resentment, like marriage therapist Dr. B Janet Hibbs explains.
If you disagree, you discuss it respectfully. If a partner’s feelings are hurt, the two of you come together to compromise, apologize, and work toward a healthier path forward. Healthy marriages are constructed with trust — a trust that you can lean on the other, communicate openly, and be vulnerable without judgment.
8. You admit when you feel overwhelmed
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Even though emotional turmoil and chronic stress can negatively affect personal well-being and even strain intimate relationships, like a study from the Brain, Behavior, & Immunity journal suggests, the healthiest marriages make an effort to express their emotions and find solutions for their struggles before they spiral out of control.
Even if it seems simple and innocent, expressing emotions openly and vulnerably — even if it’s just a phrase like “I’m feeling overwhelmed today” or “today was hard” — can give partners the skills and knowledge to show up in their most supportive and loving light.
9. You try new things together
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According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, long-term relationships boast higher rates of closeness and intimacy when they plan date nights centered around newness.
Of course, trying each other's favorite things and indulging a partner’s hobbies can have their own positive influences, but when they go out of their way to try new things and challenge themselves together, that’s where the magic happens.
So, in addition to quality time spent at home, engaging in each other’s shared interests, and communicating, phrases like “let’s try something new” between partners could be a sign of a healthy, thriving, and close marriage.
10. You respect each other's need for alone time
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Alone time for partners in long-term relationships is essential to cultivate feelings of identity and individuality even within a shared partnership, according to counselor Suzanne Degges-White. That’s why phrases like “I need alone time” are so influential — they are signs that partners can express their need for solitude amid the chaos of life.
Quality time with themselves is just as influential for relationship wellbeing as quality time with a partner — even if it’s simply reflecting on their day or indulging their personal hobbies and interests. Finding alone time when you live together or share a routine can be difficult. Still, when both partners commit to crafting this space, it’s personal and relationship intimacy and closeness that grows.
11. You laugh together all the time
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No matter how silly, innocent, and subtle it may seem, laughter is a key indicator of relationship success and well-being. According to a study from the Personal Relationships journal, couples who share more laughter regularly boast happier and healthier relationships than those who don’t.
Of course, laughing and smiling often also have personal benefits, according to a study from the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, like boosting mental health, sparking more happiness, and even supporting healthier physical and physiological functions.
So, even if you’re going through a rough patch or navigating adversity in your relationship, you probably have a better marriage than most if these things sound familiar.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
