If Your Husband Stopped Caring About These 11 Things, Something's Wrong
New Africa | Shutterstock When a marriage is healthy and suddenly starts to go downhill, it's not because something has changed overnight. Husbands, in particular, may start engaging in strange behaviors. And whether it's shutting down emotionally to rarely smiling, if your husband stopped caring about these things, something's wrong.
It isn't always easy to read your partner. As much as couples try, without proper communication there's no telling what's going on inside their minds. Still, just because a wife doesn't quite know what's happening, it doesn't mean they can't read his body language and nonverbal cues. By observing his odd behavior, wives can determine how their husbands feel, all without him saying a word.
If your husband stopped caring about these 11 things, something's wrong
1. Good communication
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He won't say it out loud, but men who can no longer communicate are clearly going through it. Whether it's in their marriage or in another aspect of their lives, they aren't as happy as they once were, causing irreversible damage in their marriage.
According to psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, good communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. This is why it's crucial to be upfront with your partner. While it might feel intimidating, good communication can avoid miscommunication, leading to a healthier dynamic.
2. Giving affection
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If your husband stopped caring about giving affection, something's wrong, but he won't verbalize it. Men who refuse hugs, kisses, or late-night cuddle sessions are likely unhappy with the marriage or are dealing with something else in their lives.
On the outside, they might not view this lack of affection as a huge deal. But affection in a marriage is a huge indicator of how satisfied a couple is. So, if a man is dodging his wife or refuses to be in the same room as her, it's safe to say that the marriage is in trouble.
3. Showing respect
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In any relationship, there should always be a level of respect given to one another. No matter what's going on, respect is a baseline. And under no circumstances should anyone be disrespectful to their partner. It doesn't matter how frustrated or unheard they feel, because while you can't control their actions or words, you do have control over yourself.
Men and women should always show a level of respect to their partner. After all, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespected actually leads to more aggression than being disliked. So, while some men might think they've won, their level of disrespect only makes their marriage fail.
4. Being supportive
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Every partnership should show mutual support. From your partner getting a degree to getting a promotion at work, how we cheer them on matters. It doesn't take much to show support. A simple present, a nice dinner, and an "I'm so proud of you" go a long way.
Yet, there's no denying that some men don't care to show up for their partner. From feeling intimidated and jealous all the way to being petty, there are many reasons why some men won't emotionally support their partner. And while it might feel like a "gotcha" moment, men will lose in the end. After all, there's only so much a wife can take before she leaves the marriage.
5. Spending time together
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It should go without saying that most couples should want to spend time with one another. No matter how busy their day gets, quality time is one of the main things that can bring a marriage closer. But if your husband stopped caring about these things, something's wrong.
A mild case of exhaustion or needing to cool down after an exhausting day is understandable. Just like women need breaks, men also need time to themselves. But as the Gottman Institute explained, couples should be spending an average of six hours together a week for marital satisfaction.
6. Creating shared goals
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Nobody wants to take valuable time out of their day to do hard things like create new goals. But from where they want to go on vacation to what they'll do when they retire, couples do this because they want to build a future together. If he's hesitant to do this, he might just be mildly exhausted or want to save it for another day.
However, if your husband never wants to discuss your future, he's either scared of the future, or he doesn't see a future with you in it. So, it's crucial to be upfront and communicate. Whether he likes it or not, avoiding this topic will only cause trouble in the marriage.
7. Family and friends
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Everyone has someone they're close to outside of their marriage. From their parents to their best friend, having these connections is crucial for their overall mental health. As professor of psychology Vanessa LoBue, explained, having a close relationship can "help buffer the effects of stress on the body and the brain."
"When an adult is holding their romantic partner's hand, they have a lower stress response in their brains when anticipating an unpleasant electric shock. The happier the couples said they were in their relationships, the more the partner's hand lessened the brain's response to the shock," LoBue further explained, citing a study published in Psychological Science.
Unfortunately, some men get so caught up in their own problems that they stop caring about their friends and family. For one reason or another, they're going through it, causing them to shut everyone out.
8. Personal growth
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It isn't easy to focus on growing as a person. From humbling yourself to becoming less defensive, true change doesn't happen overnight. But this doesn't mean people stop trying. Whether it's for themselves or for their relationship, the need to grow is ingrained in us all.
But when a man stops caring about this, it might not be related to his marriage. From work stressors to personal grievances, not everything bad has to do with his wife. However, even if it doesn't involve his wife, speaking openly about his struggles makes it much easier to navigate them.
9. Your happiness
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If your husband stopped caring about your happiness, something's wrong. Once he becomes dismissive, it's easy to allow self-doubt to crawl into your head. Happiness is supposed to be the cornerstone to any healthy relationship, so then, does it mean that your relationship is over?
While it's easy to panic, even the healthiest relationships go through it. This isn't a bad thing, as professor of counseling psychology David B. Feldman explained: "Anxiety and fear can protect us against potential threats. Guilt can motivate us to make amends when we've done something wrong, allowing us to preserve our most meaningful relationships. Even anger can be useful."
10. Your opinions
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In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to express their opinion without fear. From small thoughts to bigger concerns, each opinion should be met with respect, even if they don't see eye to eye. A man doesn't stop caring about a woman overnight. Most of the time, it takes a lot of build-up to get to that point.
Now, does this excuse his behavior? Of course not. If a man wants to remain married, working through those differences is crucial. But if your opinion suddenly doesn't matter to him anymore, it's important to reflect on your own behavior.
While you might think you're being supportive, everyone has a different perspective. If you've talked to him and this truly isn't the case, seeking professional help might be your best bet if you want your marriage to work.
11. Your security
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It should go without saying, but men and women should do their utmost to protect one another. Whether it's spiritually, emotionally, or physically, it's natural to want to defend someone that you love. So, if his first thought isn't keeping you safe or making you feel secure in your marriage, it might be high time to reevaluate it.
As relationship experts Linda and Charlie Bloom said, "When it comes to a satisfying relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick." So, if he isn't building with you or attempting to work things out, it's time to put yourself and your security first.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
