When Two People Are Destined To Get Divorced You Will See It In These 11 Obvious Signs
antoniodiaz | Shutterstock While there are many things that contribute to a couple drifting apart and toward separation in a relationship, a study from Personal Relationships argues that the true "point of no return" is actually emotional disengagement. Not caring enough to check in with a partner, avoiding hard conversations, suppressing emotions or concerns, and struggling with intimacy — when two people are destined to get divorced, you will see it in these obvious signs.
Even if partners don't realize these subtle shifts over time, by the point where they're emotionally and physically checked out, it's incredibly hard to reignite the spark, rebuild trust, and come back together.
When two people are destined to get divorced you will see it in these 11 obvious signs
1. They stop resolving issues
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Rather than expressing concerns as they come up and seeking support for complex emotions, partners who are destined to get divorced start letting these things fester into resentment. They stop resolving issues and leaning into difficult conversations to get on the same page, and instead rely on avoidance strategies for a sense of fleeting comfort and control.
While around 70% of couples deal with unresolved, lingering issues in their relationships over the course of their lives, according to psychologist Mark Travers, these couples often let everything fly under the radar. From money struggles to a lack of connection, and even small things like passing comments, these are all swept under the rug.
2. They have completely separate routines
If a couple is operating on two completely separate routines or schedules, whether it's sleep, work, or free time, without making compromises to prioritize connection and quality time, that's an obvious sign that they're destined to get divorced.
Of course, logistically, partners can't be home together all the time, and it likely wouldn't be healthy for them to be, but if they're not making time to check in emotionally and spend intentional time together, it's their longevity and well-being that's at stake.
3. They don't care to learn about their partner's interests
Of course, shared interests are incredibly important in long-term relationships and marriages, but if a couple isn't making space for individuality and learning about each other's hobbies and interests, that could actually be more influential. It's these moments of newness and learning that bond couples close together, even if it's just showing a level of curiosity about the other person.
So, if you notice two people are engaging in their own interests and hobbies without sharing or talking about them with each other, chances are they're destined to drift apart and get divorced.
4. They stay up late or go to bed early
If a partner is working late, going to bed before the other, or staying up late watching mindless entertainment to avoid quality time, that could be one of the obvious signs of a couple destined to get divorced. Not only are they amplifying stress and tension by avoiding hard conversations and moments, but they're also avoiding the positive, bonding ones.
So, if you notice a couple is operating on completely different sleep schedules, chances are they're missing out on better rest, marital satisfaction, and peace at home, like a study from the Journal of Sleep Research argues.
5. They avoid quality time entirely
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Part of the reason why people who are destined to get divorced at the emotional disengagement "point of no return" is that they don't care enough to make space for the positive moments of connection, let alone more uncomfortable and hard moments of "work." They'd prefer to spend time alone or with other people, rather than feeding intention into their marriages.
It's not just about sweet, romantic moments, either, according to a study from Contemporary Family Therapy — couples who spend more quality time together also often have better communication and conflict-resolution skills.
6. They make excuses for everything
According to relationship expert Jason Whiting, excuses don't just break down trust and communication in a relationship — they also tend to weaken the bond and sabotage satisfaction. Even if it feels like a means of self-preservation, excuses sabotage productive conversations and encourage people to "defend" themselves in the face of what should be a mutually beneficial and open space.
When two people are destined to get divorced, you will see it in these obvious signs. Rather than working together toward a shared issue or problem, they defend themselves constantly by trying to "win" or justify their hurtful behaviors, at the expense of their partner's feelings of validation.
7. Small inconveniences spark disproportionate reactions
When a couple isn't addressing issues and concerns as they arise, but instead pushing them down inside and avoiding them entirely, they're cultivating a tumultuous relationship filled with resentment. The more they push down, the more unexpected their emotional reactions become, with small inconveniences often prompting big emotional outbursts and disproportionate reactions.
That's part of the reason why resentment can be so damaging to both relationships and personal health — it often goes unrecognizing for a long time, draining a person's energy and sucking the joy out of their lives before sparking emotional outbursts.
8. They talk about divorce often
Even if it's hidden with jokes and sarcasm, if a couple jokes openly about divorce, chances are they're destined to get there eventually. Sometimes, our humor truly masks what we're thinking and worrying about inside, so even if it's said with a sarcastic tone, there's a chance it's a partner's way of breaking the ice around the topic.
So, if you notice that a couple is constantly talking about divorce, even in a joking way, it could be a red flag that they're at least thinking about it.
9. They seem emotionally checked out
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Becoming emotionally checked out in a relationship is often tied to the disengagement that experts coin the "point of no return." They're not only disinterested in their partner's life, well-being, and emotions, but they're also less connected with their own feelings on an everyday basis.
If a couple seems checked out and disconnected, they're destined to get divorced unless something changes.
10. They argue about little things
If a couple is arguing about little things, from misunderstandings to minor inconveniences, but letting bigger issues get pushed under the rug, they're likely destined to get divorced. Not only are they clearly lacking the conflict-resolution skills tied to longevity and marital satisfaction, but they're breaking each other down and drifting apart over petty matters.
So, if you notice that a couple is starting petty arguments in public and making small jabs at their partner in social settings, it could be a red flag that they're struggling on a deep level.
11. They try to curate a specific image
Whether it's on social media, around their kids, or out in public, couples who are destined to get divorced often try to curate a specific image that things are better than they really are.
Not only are they comparing themselves constantly to others and trying to live up to expectations set by other people, but they're overlooking the true root causes of their tension and trying to "pretend" that things are okay.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
