Self

Two Sneaky Lies People Tell Without Even Realizing It

Photo: Jacob Lund
woman with blue eyes looking intensely over a cup

The old saying really does apply today: "Say what you mean and mean what you say."

It means to tell the truth and follow through on your promises.

There are many different types of lies people tell without having any intention of being deceitful. Often, they think they're simply fudging the truth.

They may even think they're doing it in their friend or partner's best interests.

Our most intimate relationships require that we are transparent. Not just in the beginning, but always. 

Yes, people make mistakes — we are human. However, keeping our word and commitments is how we build and maintain a solid and steady partnership.

When you fail to keep promises, trust is lost — and extremely difficult to regain

RELATED: 5 Powerful Types Of Trust Every Relationship Needs If You Want It To Last

Two types of lies people tell when they're trying to avoid hurting someone

1. They make promises they can't keep

Here's something not to do: make empty promises, or promises that you do not intend to keep. 

Why does this matter? Why is it wrong to make promises you don't intend to keep?

Because a deep interpersonal connection, a meaningful exchange of mutual affection and respect, relies on mutual trust. 

RELATED: There's Only One Thing More Important Than Love In Relationships — How To Make Sure You Have It

2. They say what they think you want to hear (to get what they want)

What happens when someone says something to you just to get what they want? 

This is intentional deception. Their words are meaningless and just a means to an end.

What does it mean when someone says, “Well, I guess I need to try harder” or “I guess I need to do a better job" when they're caught breaking a promise or violating your trust? Yet, several weeks later everything is right back to how it was before these words were ever spoken. 

Or what if someone says, "I must be pretty stupid. I didn't even know I was doing it." 

This is a sign of someone who is trying to play the "sympathy" card

They figure that if you think they did something out of ignorance it won't be quite as bad as if they did it intentionally. 

Ask yourself this: "Is he or she trying to manipulate me?"

Someone who has sincere intentions will do everything within their power to right their wrong and to keep their promises. 

It will be important to them that you know you can trust them. 

Why do people tell these sneaky types of lies?

Sometimes people say things because they want to try them on for size or they want to see what it feels like to say it, but they aren’t quite sure if it’s what they really want. 

If this is the case, simply say, "I'm not sure how I feel about XYZ. Let me think about it and let's reconvene to talk about this more in a day or two." 

Then, be sure to keep your word. It's perfectly OK to take time to think about our true feelings. Some decisions should not be based on split-second thoughts.

We must pause and take a moment to think about how our words and actions affect others. Leading someone on intentionally is morally wrong.  

There are times, due to unforeseen circumstances, when we can’t keep our word. But this doesn’t excuse the times when we never had any intention of keeping our word in the first place.

We should maintain a zero tolerance level towards anyone who treats us with so little disregard.  

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Some people are afraid to follow through because they don't want to hurt their partner, loved one, friend, or co-worker. 

Instead of being upfront in the first place, they make promises they have absolutely no intention of keeping. 

There is nothing wrong with being truthful, even when the outcome is uncomfortable. It prevents a lot of future pain when we learn to speak our truth from the beginning.  

When we speak the truth we are empowering ourselves. This is how our people learn to trust us. 

They know that even if we do not want to hear what they have to say, they are intentional and transparent with us. These are the people we can count on as genuine and authentic friends.  

Who wants to wonder about where they stand in a relationship?

When we are a vested partner and the other partner is playing a game of intentional manipulation, someone is destined to get hurt.  

RELATED: 18 Experts Reveal How To Regain The Trust Of Someone You've Betrayed

Trust — the foundation of any relationship

When we have trust in our partner, we are not expecting broken promises. 

We are expecting honesty and follow-through. When we hide things or keep secrets, especially in a proclaimed committed relationship, we are destroying an important foundation.  

Eventually, these shaky foundations become irreparable. Some fences can't be mended. 

If your friends tell you to blow it off and sweep it under the rug — it might be because of their own transgressions. 

How many red flags does one have to see before they decide it might be time to throw in the towel? How many chances do we allow before we are ready to accept that this is just who they are? 

If we allow this behavior to go on and on, it's a sign that it is acceptable. But you deserve so much more.  

Never forget the importance of being an advocate for yourself.  

Keeping our word teaches others that they can rely on and trust in us. 

RELATED: 12 Promises The Happiest Married Couples Make (That Keep Their Relationships Healthy Long-Term)

Kathy Thielen is an energy healer and life coach who focuses on happiness, self-care, psychic healing and relationships.

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