11 Awful Female Behaviors That Men Are Taught To Romanticize
Men aren't the only ones who can be toxic.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Have you ever noticed that the villain in fairy tales is almost always a woman? The evil queen, the wicked stepmother — you get the picture. Society talks a lot about how toxic men can be, but it tends to overlook the potential toxicity of women. However, women can be just as dangerous and problematic as their male counterparts. The worst part is that there are certain awful female behaviors that men are taught to romanticize.
So, why do so many men excuse this behavior and let it creep into their relationships? Therapist and life coach Caroline Strawson said, "We're told that love is supposed to be painful. That you need to have pain for it to be true love, that you can't have one without the other." Men are conditioned to believe that toxicity is just part of any relationship, and women's bad behavior is something that should be romanticized.
Here are 11 awful female behaviors that men are taught to romanticize
1. Overspending
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Women are often characterized as being the spenders in relationships, and it's not exactly wrong. According to a Lending Tree study, women out-spent men in 64 of the 96 categories examined. When it came to things like clothing, housewares, and healthcare, women spent more than men did. So, the cliché that women are more likely to go buy a new pair of shoes is basically true.
Women are the ones out there spending the big bucks, which logic would tell you is a bad thing. Instead, men have been taught to romanticize their overspending habits. They're told that women are just natural shoppers who enjoy buying things, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But there is something very wrong with that when it means there's no money left in savings or that man's paycheck is being used in ways he isn't even sure of. Experts from Securian Financial noted, "Money disorders can lead to financial strain that affects a person's family and their day-to-day life and well-being. These disorders can wreak havoc on a person's mental and emotional health, possibly resulting in other unhealthy habits."
Overspending isn't healthy for anybody, but men are still told they should consider it the norm for women and see it as a cute quirk.
2. Flirtiness
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There's nothing wrong with women flirting when the man they're flirting with is actually their partner. In fact, it's encouraged for a healthy relationship. But women have a reputation for just being flirty, in general, with everyone — and it's one of the truly awful female behaviors that men are taught to romanticize.
Instead of recognizing this for the red flag it is, men are told they should view this as something cute, and just part of a woman's nature. But as licensed mental health counselor Kristin Davin explained, "If the person flirting is not careful, flirting can become a slippery slope leading to emotional and physical affairs. Lying, secrecy, not honoring boundaries, putting your partner's needs second, doing things you know are blurring the lines — these are warning signs of infidelity."
Men may be taught to romanticize women's flirty personalities and believe that it's just part of who they are, but flirting with someone who isn't their partner can have serious consequences. Even if an actual affair doesn't take place, it can still be hurtful for everyone involved. No one should think putting themselves through that is what's expected of them.
3. Mood swings
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We do have to cut women some slack for dealing with such intense hormonal changes that contribute to mood swings. But women do have an awful lot of mood swings, and men are basically expected to put up with them. In fact, the very real fact that women face hormonal mood swings could even be weaponized and used to manipulate men into thinking moodiness is just the norm for women.
Clinical psychologist and relationship expert Sabrina Romanoff explained what you can do to support a partner who is experiencing moodiness. "Supporting a partner in a bad mood can take many different forms," she said. "It can range from giving them a hug, to giving them some space, to hashing it out with them. Follow their lead and be open to what's best for them at the moment."
Of course, it's great if a man can support a woman through her mood swings, but he shouldn't have to feel like he's subject to them or their entire relationship revolves around them. It's not okay to use mood swings as a cover for nastiness. Mood swings involve being down in the dumps, not intentionally hurting someone you're supposed to love.
4. Vanity
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Women are known as the "fairer" ones between men and women, and that may have gone to their heads a little bit, because they're typically the ones who are more vain. Between all that shopping we've already established women take part in, and all of the intense beauty regimens they incorporate into their routine, it's not hard to see why some women could be characterized as vain.
Men are taught this is normal for women and it's something to love about them because it sets them apart. But it does so in the worst way. Psychologist Andrea F. Polard defined this as a form of arrogance, explaining, "Arrogance is weaponized pride, if you will. Unlike healthy pride — and appropriate celebration of personal or communal accomplishment — it pushes people away."
Being vain or arrogant is common for women, and it's partly society's fault. They're taught to focus so much time and attention on their appearance that it's not surprising that they would turn out a bit vain. That doesn't mean men should be punished for this gender stereotyping, though, and it certainly doesn't mean that they should be taught to romanticize it.
5. Jealousy
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Jealousy isn't a uniquely female trait. Men can display jealousy just as easily as women. But, often, when women act jealous, it's considered endearing. For a man, jealousy can easily be identified as a form of aggression, but for women, it's supposed to be cute. They just can't stand the thought of anyone else having their man, so they push all the other women away. That's not cute, nor is it healthy.
Licensed clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior shared, "If your partner uses their own out-of-proportion jealousy as an automatic indication that you did something wrong, or to tell you that they know more than you do about your feelings or intentions... it's a sign that they are elevating their own needs and perspective over yours, and attempting to gain control. They should instead be willing to examine their own response."
A jealous woman may go so far as to try to manipulate her partner or keep him from seeing other women in any capacity. She may even get touchy about family members and friends being too close to him. That's not fair to him, obviously, and it can even turn disrespectful. Being chronically jealous is not a trait that should be romanticized.
6. Over-dependence
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There are some women out there who are very independent. They want to do everything on their own, and they don't feel like they need a man for anything. Other women are the exact opposite.
This isn't about women who stay home while their partner works, who typically aren't a problem. Some women act like they need a man to save them. They need his protection, support, and stability. This actually puts women in a precarious position.
According to a study published in European Psychiatry, "A woman's emotional dependence on a man refers to a marked need for care, protection, and support, even in situations where the woman is able to function autonomously. This dependence fosters a fusional bond that makes it difficult for the woman to leave the relationship, however unhealthy it may be."
While it may be dangerous for women to be so overly dependent on a man because it puts them in a vulnerable position, this isn't a good situation for men either. They're taught that they're supposed to take care of women, and be there for them no matter what. There are no exceptions for that relationship turning toxic. Instead, they romanticize this supposed need for them.
7. Playing hard to get
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We all know that woman who thinks making a man chase her is a good thing. And, honestly, there are a lot of men who enjoy the chase. But someone can also play hard to get because they want to manipulate another person.
There's a reason it's called "play" hard to get — they're literally playing with you. Men have been taught that they have to chase after women and do whatever it takes to win their hearts, but sometimes, it's just not worth it.
Philosophy professor Aaron Ben-Zeév stated, "Playing hard to get can create various problems, such as the necessity of deception and manipulation, a lack of reciprocity, playing superficial games in serious matters, attracting the wrong kind of people, and increasing insecurity and uncertainty in the relationship."
No one wants to have someone else play games with their head, yet women do it regularly with men. The worst part is they're expected to just take it and, in some cases, even appreciate it. This can really mess with a man's mind and confidence, and it can even leave the woman feeling confused too.
8. Drama
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Women are known for having dramatic tendencies. It's kind of like their mood swings — you never know exactly what you're going to get. There's a reason it's "The Real Housewives" and not "house husbands."
Men would never be able to provide the level of drama that women can bring to the table that makes watching so interesting. Women have drama play out with their family and friends and they watch other people's drama on TV.
"We all know people who constantly seem to be involved in drama," hypnotherapist and life coach Claire Jack said. "The term 'drama queen' is often used to describe this type of person, and is equally applicable to men as well as women. Drama queens experience life as a rollercoaster. Relationships are wonderful, then dreadful. People storm out of jobs, get cheated on, and are part of intense, unstable relationships."
Unfortunately, being dramatic is yet another of the awful female behaviors that men are taught to romanticize and think are normal. Society paints women as dramatic, so it also tells men to put up with it. Men are even pushed to romanticize women being dramatic as just part of who they are and part of what makes them so intriguing. This should not be normal behavior.
9. Neediness
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Some women are just a little too needy. There's nothing wrong with the general idea of people needing each other, but women sometimes take this too far and take advantage of men in the process. They act like they absolutely will not make it through without a man's support because they're basically helpless. Men are taught that they should appreciate this and feel loved because of it, but it's twisted.
"It's natural to feel the need for your partner to demonstrate how much they care about you," health and wellness writer Hope Gillette said. "It can be the little gestures of affection in relationships that make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. Increasingly demanding and urging for more than your partner is already giving, however, can sometimes be referred to as being needy in a relationship."
Gillette also noted that being needy in a relationship can mean different things to different people depending on their personal background. What seems needy to one person may be normal to another, and it's important to keep that in mind. However, if a woman acts like she just can't make it without a man, there's a good chance she's leaning into being needy. Men shouldn't have to accept that.
10. Entitlement
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Anyone can act entitled regardless of their gender, but some women use it as a way to make it seem like their high standards are acceptable. There's nothing wrong with high standards, but when someone is actually acting entitled and calling it high standards, it doesn't really make sense, and it hurts everyone involved. Entitled people expect everyone else to make unreasonable accommodations for them, and this includes entitled women with men.
Psychologist Dr. Abby Medcalf said that entitlement can present itself in romantic relationships in different ways. One option is "feeling owed their constant attention or affection, regardless of their capacity." Another way it may manifest is through "resentment when your partner prioritizes their own needs, even if they've communicated them clearly."
If a woman acts like she deserves a man's 24/7 attention or doesn't want him to take care of his own needs, that shouldn't be romanticized. But that's exactly what society teaches men to do. This just means that a woman needs her man, and he should feel appreciative of that. This line of thinking doesn't help anyone.
11. Rivalry
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Another of the awful female behaviors that men are taught to romanticize is that of rivalry. Everything turns into a competition for them. They see other women as a threat, not the friends they could be. They don't want their partners around them, and they'll do whatever it takes to keep them away. That's the whole point of having a rivalry — they have to win.
Health and psychology writer Nancy Lovering explained that female rivalry actually goes back centuries to when things like food, shelter, and partners were in short supply. "The instinct to one-up each other persists today," she said. "If you've experienced conflict between female friends or female jealousy in the workplace, it may be rooted in survival-oriented competitiveness or ideals."
Women are natural rivals because of what the quest for winning out in the survival of the fittest has done to them, but that doesn't mean everything needs to be a competition today. Men are used to female rivalry and taught that it's just a part of life, even something to romanticize as a sign of true love. However, this rivalry can lead to some big problems for anyone it touches.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
