11 Things Good Women Do That Make Them Look Boring To Men They Love
Being too perfect isn't always a good thing.
Dara Kaliton / Shutterstock Good women are hard to beat. From their bright personality to their giving nature, there's plenty to love about a woman with a heart of gold. That being said, there are some things good women do that make them look boring to men they love.
While there's nothing wrong with being kind, too much of a good thing can quickly stifle the relationship. From caring too much about the opinion of others to focusing on the wrong things, the biggest lesson good women need to learn is how to balance their selflessness with their own needs. And while this isn't always easy, if good women can let go of these behaviors, they can expect their love life to become a lot more exciting.
These are 11 things good women do that make them look boring to men they love
1. Readily agreeing with everything
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The first thing good women do that makes them look boring to men they love is that they readily agree to everything. Yes, nobody wants arguments in a relationship, but never having an opinion can get to be pretty boring. As great as it may feel to let someone lead the relationship, sometimes, constantly leading can make a man not just feel bored, but drained, too.
This isn't ideal, as according to psychologist Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D., feeling drained leads to chronic fatigue, insomnia, cynicism, detachment, and poor productivity. This is why good women should always express their opinion, even if they aren't exactly used to it. Start small with little things like where you want to eat, and then slowly incorporate your opinion into bigger things. Change doesn't need to happen overnight, but if women want to spice up their relationship, expressing themselves is the first step.
2. Putting him first all the time
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Many men love to be put first, but prioritizing their needs above a woman's own isn't ideal. While influencers may think otherwise, good men want good women to take care of themselves, not just physically, but spiritually too. Whether that means getting back into writing or exercising, the quickest way to spice up a relationship is to make sure those needs are being met.
On the surface, it might sound off-putting to disregard their partner's needs. As most certified people pleasers will tell others, putting people first is engraved in them at this point. From their parents instilling that into them to society reinforcing that idea, most good women are terrified of doing something that will upset their partner. Unfortunately for them, that thought process is the exact reason why good women do things that make them look boring to the men they love: they put him first.
Be a little selfish and do something you want to do. It doesn't have to be often, but if a woman skips a conversation with their man to go get their hair done or play sports, a man who truly adores them isn't going to care. As a matter of fact, he might even encourage it, as distance sometimes makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Over-communicating or over-explaining
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Many women tend to over-explain. Whether they mean to do it or not, over-explaining is a quick way to confuse men. As a result, a thing good women do that makes them look boring to men they love is over-communicate or over-explain. While men appreciate the effort, they don't need to be told multiple times that a woman needs space or that she's going to the store.
While it might be an ingrained behavior, doing this constantly could potentially strain the relationship if women aren't careful. This is why it's better to be calm and direct, while also remaining respectful. Not only is it less confusing, but sometimes a little bit is more than enough when it comes to communicating.
As associate professor Sothy Eng, Ph.D., said, "Because in the end, the most powerful words we speak in our relationships aren’t the ones we rush to say. They’re the ones we’re ready to say."
4. Neglecting her own growth
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It's harsh, but one thing good women do that makes them seem boring to the men they love is neglecting their own growth. Sorry, but a woman who isn't evolved will never be exciting or authentic. When a woman is too busy focusing on others, it's easy for her to be labeled as boring and out of touch if she refuses to focus on her own development.
Specifically, if the man she loves knows himself and is self-assured, he might find himself completely thrown off by her constant negativity or inability to change. So, if a woman wants to become more interesting, she should start by discovering her own interests and passions. Whether that means exploring hobbies or going out more, putting themselves outside their comfort zone is the single best way to grow as a person.
5. Being too available
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Most women who have things going for them should plan ahead and schedule hangouts in advance. A woman who's booked and busy is always going to be too busy to entertain a last-minute get-together. And while she may feel bad, being booked and busy might be for the best, as a thing good women do that makes them look boring to men they love is being too available.
Yes, it's good to make time for him. However, being too eager might throw him off. According to a study published in 2023, compared to highly available targets, moderately available targets are viewed as less arrogant, selfish, and more trustworthy and attractive. So, if she wants to keep her relationship on the right track, it's best to book in advance and avoid coming across as too desperate.
While there's nothing wrong with being excited, needing his attention is a huge turn-off for many men.
6. Always taking things too seriously
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Another thing good women do that makes them look boring to men they love is that they always take things too seriously. Now, it's not to say that women can't be on top of things or care about other people's feelings. Of course, taking things seriously when it counts is always important. That being said, a woman who can't take a joke or who is too stressed will inevitably cause those around her to become the same way.
Whether she means for it to happen or not, putting out negative or tense energy is bound to drain anyone. In this case, men who are dating these types of good women might find themselves unable to relax in her presence, causing the relationship to fade out. So good women out there: take breaks and if necessary, find a way to ground yourself. Not only is this a better way to cope, but it'll work wonders if your current relationship is struggling.
7. Giving one-word replies when he asks questions
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Some women are so caught up in their daily life, they don't realize how they respond to a man until it's far too late. And while doing this a few times is more than okay, a thing good women do that makes them look boring to men they love is that they only give short, one-word replies when he asks them a question about themselves. Whether they're attending to other people's needs or trying to be nice and let him lead the conversation, it doesn't matter.
Never giving him an in-depth answer or leading a conversation becomes stale and boring the longer it continues.
As psychiatrist Carrie Barron, M.D., said, "Meaningful conversations with others boosts mood. The latter naturally occurs when we check out of tech and check in with one another."
Most men are aware of this, which is why they might not respond much or simply ghost a woman who does this. As rude as he may seem, it's impossible to have a meaningful conversation with someone who isn't willing to bare themselves just a little.
8. Always talking about the same thing
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Just as it isn't cool to give one-word replies, a good woman who always talks about the same thing makes them look boring to men they love. Bringing up the same subject over and over again can be pretty exhausting. Even if it's something a good woman really enjoys, they should remember that not everyone is interested in the same things they are.
That being said, it doesn't mean they can't discuss it thoroughly. Whether it's a game or a book, it's important that she feels comfortable enough to discuss her interest without automatically being labeled as boring. Equally, it's also important to ensure the conversation flows smoothly and that he can discuss what he loves doing.
9. Lacking passion
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One thing a good woman does that makes them look boring to men they loves is that she doesn't have any passion. Good women must constantly walk a path between who they truly are and who they need to be for others. From a young age, many women were taught that their lives should be centered around giving back to others. And while being giving is a beautiful trait to have, over-giving can have its downsides.
For starters, it's the quickest way to drain women mentally and physically. On top of that, it's also one of the quickest ways to get rid of their passion, making them a bit more surface-level.
To avoid falling into this trap, be sure to keep your needs balanced with your duties. As clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., said, "When we do make time for our wants and needs, we are more alive to the world around us, more available, and more giving of our fullest selves."
10. Lacking confidence
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Not all of us have reached the point of complete self-confidence. Sure, we might work on it, but it's normal for insecurities to surface every once in a while. That being said, there's a difference between a healthy amount of insecurity and a lack of confidence in women.
Needing to reassure someone every hour can be frustrating. While men don't mind complimenting their partner, always needing to uplift them and reassure them can be exhausting and make things stale in the long run. It'll quickly go from a passionate relationship to a stifling one if women aren't careful. This is why women must find ways to uplift themselves or, at the very least, seek professional help. While everyone has their fair share of problems when entering a relationship, neglecting to address them can be problematic.
11. Never setting boundaries
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Finally, one last thing good women do that makes them seem boring to the men they love is that they never set boundaries. In almost any relationship, there's a need to set boundaries. Whether it's friendship or work, letting people know, "This is my limit," is the best, most healthy thing a woman can do. However, if a woman is a complete pushover and never complains about anything, it can be boring in the long run.
This is why it's important for women to put their foot down and learn to push back a bit. Not just to spice up the relationship, but because it's necessary for the longevity of any relationship.
As licensed psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph.D., said, "Boundary setting is a mutually beneficial and positive strategy to maintain healthy relationships."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
