Heartbreak

Your Husband Is The Homewrecker — Not The Other Woman

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guy kissing a woman, who's looking at the camera

There's this really terrible idea out there when it comes to cheating. 

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Somehow through all the insanity and heartbreak that happens with infidelity, we shift the entirety of the blame onto the other woman.

We call her a slut, a homewrecker, and tear into her to live to find some proof that she's the sole person responsible for the affair. She isn't. She's not the one that's married to you and broke your wedding vows, that was him. He just used her to do it.

While it's entirely understandable to hate the woman who seemed to take down your picture-perfect relationship completely on her own, it can lead to some bad decision-making. Particularly when it comes to forgiving your man. 

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The cute thing about men is, they don't like to take responsibility when they've done something wrong — especially when it's something that hurt you. They tell you they made a mistake, that it was an accident. Sometimes they'll even shift the blame onto you. You didn't give them enough attention. You weren't sleeping with them as much as before. She just seduced him away from you. Don't fall for any of this.

They have this hero complex they've been wanting to live up to since they were kids, and becoming the villain in your life is something they do not want to accept at any cost.

Which makes them very willing to lie. 

They'll be more than happy to shift the focus to the mistress and paint her as this seductive creature who knew just how to tempt them in a way that they couldn't refuse. They'll tell you how they tried to break it off millions of times but she threaten to tell so they couldn't. 

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While not all men are this emotionally immature, a lot of them are. And if they play their cards right, you'll forget about hating them and just focus on hating her. You'll put all the blame on her, and forget about the reason she's involved at all.

Cheating is a tough trauma to navigate.

And though we all have our own ways of getting through it, it's important that you don't let anyone off the hook for hurting you without them fully acknowledging what they've done. 

He was just as responsible for this as she was. No one held a gun to his head and told him to do. He cheated on you of his own free will. And he would do it again if you take him back.

He made a choice, and don't you forget that. 

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Emily Blackwood is a freelance writer, editor, and journalist who covers relationships, entertainment & news, pop culture, and wellness.

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