Why Women Pull Away From Relationships (And How To Make It Stop)

A relationship expert explains why women pull away.

Last updated on Jan 09, 2023

frustrated woman pulling away from boyfriend NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock

Are you tired of having women pull away from a relationship with you? Tired of going on a handful of dates, only to realize after the fact that she’s not into you anymore?

You’re not the only guy who has gone through this. Plenty of men have dealt with — and still deal with this — in dating. But that is where I come in. I want to let you in on a few reasons as to why women pull away, as well as give you some solutions on how to keep women interested in you.


Some women, like men, can be masters of sending mixed signals, and I know that this frustrates a lot of men.

It's important to note that If she tells you she isn't interested and she wants you to stop pursuing her and leave her alone, take this to heart and do as she says.

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This isn't her way of playing hard-to-get, and trying to pressure her into giving you her attention will only create issues for both of you, making her feel uncomfortable or threatened while you feel more heartbroken and rejected.

But if things were going well and she's started pulling away without explanation, the reasons below may have something to do with it.

Why women pull away in relationships

1. She wants to see if you'll chase her.

One of the sneakiest ways that a woman can gauge how much you like her is by backing off to see if you will chase her. If she backs off after a few great dates without an explanation, she could be testing you to see how interested you really are in her.

If you’re really interested, then you will chase her, but if you’re not, then she can tell that she wasn't that special to you because you don’t go after her.


What to do about it:

I’m not advocating for this or saying that this is right by any means, but it's a fundamental truth that I see happen to men all the time. In her mind, if you want her, then you will chase her. And if not, then she knows that she didn't mean that much to you.

This is not the ideal course of action, but women want to be wanted and if they don’t feel this way based on your actions, then they will slowly back away. They want a man to take an initiative in dating.

2. She sees you as too available.

The second reason why a woman pulls away is if she feels like you’re too available to her. She wants time to miss you. If you’re always around, she never has a chance to realize just how much you mean to her.


Being too available presents itself in a few ways:

  • Answering her texts within seconds of receiving them.
  • Blowing up her phone before she has a chance to respond.
  • Always available to hang out in a moment’s notice.
  • When she never has to plan in advance to see you.

What to do about it:

You want to gradually let her know that you like her. If you give it all up in the beginning, she will have nothing to chase. She will have you, in a sense, and that’s not what she wants.

Women want to chase you as well, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Allow her to wonder what you’re doing when you can’t respond to her text message right away.

For example, if she takes a while to get back to your last text, then you too should take your time responding. If she doesn't respond within a couple of hours, mirror her actions and take a couple of hours to reply.


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3. She doesn't think you're taking the relationship seriously.

This one might seem like a contradiction to some of the other reasons why women pull away, but some women pull away when they think that you’re not a serious person.

If you’ve gone on a handful of dates and she feels like she hasn't really gotten to know you below the surface, she will think that you’re just in this for fun and nothing else.

What to do about it:

Part of dating and moving towards being in a relationship is slowly disclosing information about yourself and having the ability to be vulnerable. Not all the time, but it’s important to find a balance between having fun and genuinely getting to know someone.


And if you’re all about the fun, she will pull away because she can’t see you being serious and getting serious with her in the future.

4. She’s just not that into you.

The bluntest reason why a woman is pulling away is because she's just not that into you. It’s the hardest one to grasp, but you shouldn't chase someone who doesn't want to be with you.

In dating, you’re going to run into a few dead ends, such as dates that don’t transpire into a relationship, and that’s okay. It means you're just getting close to the one who wants to be with you.

What to do about it:

There is a time and place to be the cool guy. However, at some point in the game, you need to drop the cool guy act and be comfortable just being yourself. After a while, that façade gets tired.


So, the best way to attract women is to learn to be comfortable being yourself. I understand that this is not an overnight thing, but it is something that contributes to longevity in a relationship.

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How to stop a woman from pulling away and keep her interested

1. Give her space to miss you.

One of the most important things to remember in any new relationship is that you don’t need to spend every waking second together.

If you start dating someone and your life becomes consumed by them, then you’re caught up in lust. In this lustful phase of a relationship, you neglect a really important part in the initial stages of a relationship, which is establishing boundaries. You’re so caught up in one another that you forget to educate that person on how you want to be treated.


During this phase, people are a lot more forgiving of their partner’s bad behavior. Plus, a relationship that begins in lust usually has a short shelf life.

Why this works:

Smothering someone and being too available are qualities that can become a hindrance to dating and getting a girlfriend. If you really want to keep a girl interested in you for longer than a night, then let her chase you. Don’t show all of your cards at once.

Maintain your friendships and keep doing the things in your life that you did before she entered it.



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2. Keep things interesting.

One of the most important ways to keep a woman hooked on you is to keep your encounters interesting.

For the first couple of get-to-know-you-dates, it’s important to keep them fun and light-hearted. If you really want to make a girl get hooked on you, keep the dates interesting.

Switch it up, and show her that you’ve put effort into being with her and making your time together special. Plan a date ahead of time that is not dinner and a movie. Take her on a hike and plan a picnic for the top of a hiking adventure.

Why this works:

These don’t have to be extreme dates, but the more thought that goes into it, the better. It shows a creative side, as well as that you're multi-faceted. You're not just like every other guy, and you care about making memorable experiences together.


3. Show some vulnerability.

After the first couple of dates, when you want to segue into a more serious relationship, you need to get real with one another and slowly let your guard down. You can do this by showing some vulnerability. People start to connect when they feel like they can get to know you beyond the surface.

I’m not suggesting that you tell her that you love her on the fourth date, but you could ask her for a favor or advice. You could ask her advice on an issue you’re having at work or with friends. Or ask her just to listen.

Why this works:


Doing this will make her feel important. When we confide in people, we make them feel needed and important in our lives.

To some extent, women love to be needed. They don’t want to mother you but every once and a while, it is nice to feel like they could help you out.

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4. Turn her on.

The last thing is actually not as hard as it sounds and that is to turn your girl on. To do that, your job is to get her out of her head and to make her feel at ease.

You can send her cute flirty text messages or an "I miss you" text. Sweet things that show her that you care will really go a long way in turning her on.


Why this works:

When people feel good about themselves being around you, this will cause them to want to be around you even more. And for women, this is just the case. If you make a woman feel important and special, you will actually turn her on.

And don’t let that flirtatious fun slide once you're at the point of dating seriously! It keeps her on her toes and the butterflies swarming in her stomach for you.

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Kate Spring is a men's attraction and dating coach from Vancouver, Canada. She is the author of the best-selling "Obsession Method" program.