Why Giving A Woman Too Much Attention Backfires (And How To Act Instead)

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Why Giving a Woman Too Much Attention Backfires

Find out how much is the right amount of attention to give a woman to build attraction.

Are you tired of coming off too strong to women? Do you want to learn how much attention is the right amount of attention that builds attraction and doesn't kill it?

Smothering someone with attention and affection is something that both men and women struggle with. The best way to increase attraction is not to smother your crush, but to give her some space to come to you.

So I’ve put together some reasons why giving a woman too much attention backfires and some solutions to these problems.

Before we begin, let’s look at a scenario that happened to a recent female client of mine, Lisa.

Lisa matched with a man named Travis on Bumble. They exchanged a couple messages over the app then moved to texting. They agreed to meet up at a local pub to have a few beers for their first meeting. 

Lisa had a great time. She was attracted to how accomplished he was at the age of only twenty-six and how outdoorsy he was. As a Nursing student, Lisa was generally confined indoors studying, so his "outdoorsyness" was a huge turn on for her. All seemed to be going very well... until her space was invaded.

Over the course of the next few days, Lisa was busy with school and work. Only two short days after their initial meeting, Travis had texted Lisa 6 times in the matter of 3 hours, which just so happened to be the time frame that Lisa had a 3-hour lecture and obviously couldn't text him back.

In addition to the 6 text messages, Travis had also tagged her in not 1, not 2, not 3, but 5 Instagram memes, all of which referenced a man and woman being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Lisa, who had been single for about a year at this point, was so overwhelmed and turned off. It’s like Travis missed a huge step in the courting period. He missed the wooing and wondering what the other person was doing and the anticipation of whether or not they liked each other, which is a huge part in building that initial attraction in a relationship.

The takeaway from this is that while Travis was probably a great guy with good intentions, Lisa felt overwhelmed and suffocated by the attention she was receiving from him from so early on in their relationship.

The moral of this story is that giving a woman too much attention at the beginning of any new relationship kills the attraction.

Here are some solutions to use when this happens.

1. Give her space to miss you.

Our first solution to avoid killing attraction is to give a girl space to miss you and space for her feelings to catch up to yours.

At the beginning of any relationship or just getting to know someone, it’s important to optimize on building attraction.

Avoid being in a situation like Travis’s where Lisa had to eventually let him down gently and in doing so, lied about the reasons why she could no longer see him.

So to avoid recreating a situation like that, give your crush some space. Give her space and time to come to you. If a girl has to put in some effort to be with you, she won’t take you for granted and think of you as creepy, desperate or needy. All things you want to avoid when dating.

If she, too, has to work for your time and attention, she will value you more. People cherish what they’ve had to work for as opposed to things that they are freely given.

2. Don't text her too much.

Solution number two involves texting. Now, again, to avoid instantly turning a girl off or giving her the creepy vibe. Text her sparingly. At least mirror her actions.

If she is taking her time to respond to your messages, make sure that you don’t reply to hers instantly. I repeat, do not reply to her text messages instantly. This is a red flag for women, and it is one that reads as desperate.

And whatever you do, don’t do what Travis did and text her incessantly and tag her in posts without her even returning one of your messages.

Texting is one of the best ways to build attraction by flirting. But you should also be leaving a little mystery.

You can use texting as a way to make her miss you and wonder what you’re doing. If you can’t get back to her right away, she will be constantly checking her phone wondering what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with, so that when you finally do respond, she will be anxiously awaiting your response.

3. Show her that you have a fulfilling life.

The third solution to help you build attraction with any woman is to have a fulfilling life. And before I lose you, stay with me.

If you are enjoying your life, your body language will give that off, and this type of attitude is attractive to women. You want to have a life that women want to be a part of.

At the beginning stages of dating, women are typically attracted to men who are unresponsive and those who seem harder to get. The harder a woman has to work for your attention, the more valuable you seem to her.

Women are suspicious of men who are too attentive too early on. Women consider men who act like this creepy or not confident, which is the opposite look that you’re going for here.

You want to come across as dominant, not in a 50 Shades of Grey kind of dominant, but a confident, assertive kind of dominance where you know what you want and know how to get it.

Think of it this way: do you ever go out with a group of your guy friends and get frustrated that your guy friend who already has the girlfriend is getting all of the female attention? That's because he's usually the one giving women the least amount of attention. He isn’t fawning all over them, complimenting them on everything, and wanting to buy them drinks right away.

Most of the time, women don’t know that he has a girlfriend unless they’re told, so they work harder for his attention. They act extra cute and flirtatious and try to mirror his aloofness. That's what women want. They want to chase.

In conclusion, it’s important to understand how women communicate differently than men. For most men, one of their strengths in communication is that they are direct and to the point. However, women tend to meander and lack an authoritative stance. That is one of the reasons why you coming on so strong is such a turnoff.

Even though you’re being direct and to the point, she sees that as coming on too strongly. But now that you understand women a bit better, you can understand that being indirect with your intentions and feelings towards a girl will help you in the long-run to have her chase you.

This isn’t a game; it’s just understanding how women communicate and how to build lasting attraction with them.

Playing hard to get is beneficial in dating because it shows that you value yourself and your time and that you won’t just let anyone into your life. And she will work to be one of those select few.