Why Giving A Woman Too Much Attention Scares Her Away (& How To Act Instead)

How much is the right amount of attention to give a woman you like?

Why Giving A Woman Too Much Attention Backfires (And How To Act Instead) Flamingo Images / shutterstock

Are you tired of coming off too strong to women? Do you want to learn how much attention is the right amount of attention that builds attraction and doesn't kill it?

Smothering someone with attention and affection —whether it's texting a girl too much, asking someone out constantly, or commenting on his social media — is something that both men and women struggle with.

The best way to increase attraction is not to smother your crush, but to give her some space to come to you. Luckily, there are a few ways to do this.


So, here's how to get a girl to like you without giving her too much attention and overwhelming her.

RELATED: Women Reveal What Guys Did To Make Them Fall In Love

1. Give her space to miss you.

The first solution to avoid killing attraction is to give a girl space to miss you, and allow her space for her feelings to catch up to yours.

At the beginning of any relationship or just getting to know someone, it’s important to build attraction. So, to avoid recreating a bad situation, give your crush some space and time to come to you.

If a girl has to put in some effort to be with you, she won’t take you for granted and think of you as desperate or needy. These are things you want to avoid when dating.


If she also has to work for your time and attention, she will value you more. People cherish what they’ve had to work for, as opposed to things they are freely given.

2. Don't text her too much.

Solution number two involves texting. Again, to avoid instantly turning a girl off or giving her the creepy vibe, text her sparingly, or at least mirror her actions.

If she's taking her time to respond to your messages, make sure you don’t reply to hers instantly. This is a red flag for women, and it's one that reads as desperate.

Texting is one of the best ways to build attraction by flirting. But you should also be leaving a little mystery. You can use texting as a way to make her miss you and wonder what you’re doing.


If you can’t get back to her right away, she will constantly check her phone wondering what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. So, when you finally do respond, she will anxiously await your response.

RELATED: 10 Questions To Ask A Girl To Make Her Feel Deeply Attached To You

3. Show her that you have a fulfilling life.

If you're enjoying your life, your body language will give that off, and this type of attitude is attractive to women. You want to have a life that women want to be a part of.

At the beginning stages of dating, women are typically attracted to men who are unresponsive and those who seem harder to get. The harder a woman has to work for your attention, the more valuable you seem to her.


Women are suspicious of men who are too attentive too early on. Women consider men who act like this creepy or not confident, which is the opposite look you’re going for here.

You want to come across as dominant in a confident, assertive way where you know what you want and how to get it.

Think of it this way: do you ever go out with a group of your guy friends and get frustrated that your guy friend who already has the girlfriend is getting all of the female attention?

That's because he's usually the one giving women the least amount of attention. He isn’t fawning all over them, complimenting them on everything, and wanting to buy them drinks right away.


Most of the time, women don’t know that he has a girlfriend unless they’re told, so they work harder for his attention. They act cute and flirtatious, and try to mirror his aloofness.

That's what women want. They want to chase.

It’s important to understand how women communicate differently than men.

For most men, one of their strengths in communication is that they are direct and to the point. However, women tend to meander and lack an authoritative stance. That's one of the reasons why you coming on so strong is such a turn-off.


Even though you’re being direct and to the point, she sees that as coming on too strong. But now that you understand women a bit better, you get that being indirect with your intentions and feelings towards a girl will help you in the long-run.

RELATED: How To Make A Woman Love You (And Keep Her Forever)

Kate Spring, BA is a men’s dating and attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. A recognized leader in helping men become irresistible to women, Kate works with clients from around the world, helping them to get the girl they want.