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Here's what really gets the girl.
By Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford — Written on Jun 15, 2019
If you're a guy who's wondering how to get a girlfriend or make someone fall in love with you, you're certainly not alone.
Let’s face it, falling in love feels amazing.
Often, the mix of excitement, anticipation, and love cannot be easily placed into words. In fact, one of the only thing we can all agree on is how amazing new love feels.
Falling in love is different for each person, including both partners in a relationship. Partners may have different reasons for falling in love with the other partner, and typically, partners usually fall in love at different times during the course of their relationship.
Women, just like men, have different tastes in personality traits and other characteristics when it comes to what makes them fall in love.
But, unlike the men I work with regarding issues of love and life, the reasons women fall in love are often very simple.
Although, it can be difficult to know what a man is thinking or feeling, women tend to be more expressive with both their verbal and nonverbal communication.
Women are more prone to wearing their heart on their sleeve or divulging their feelings while men typically display their emotions with more subtlety.
When it comes to love, women are fairly similar in the reasons they might fall in love with man.
Women are typically attracted to “a man’s man” — a guy who thinks for himself, makes his own decisions, and follows through on what he says.
Women are usually attracted to guys who can be themselves, don't strive to be like anyone else and are comfortable in their own skin.
Simple things such as honesty, transparency, a good listener, and capable of being there are some of the most common responses I received from women when I ask how they knew they were in love with their partner.
Unfortunately for men who constantly strike out when it comes to love, many men make the same avoidable mistake: assuming that simply because they are spending time with a woman, she will automatically that he cares.
Some men never ask their partner what makes them happy or truly explore what a woman hopes to gain from the relationship.
Unfortunately, some men may even engage in bait and switch behavior, insisting verbally they want a relationship but acting in ways that contradict their words. Displaying mixed signals can make it difficult for women to place their heart in the hands of a man they aren’t sure deserves it.
Women love it when a man lives by his own words. Therefore, one of the most important things a man can do to get a woman to fall in love with him is to say what he means and mean what he says.
Women, just like men, are initially drawn to a potential partner because of his physical attractiveness. However, physical attractiveness is not what keeps a woman or encourages her to fall in love with you, but rather, it's all the things that lie below the surface.
Once the draw of attractiveness has faded, there has to be substance to keep the relationship going.
Interestingly, the things that make women fall in love with a man are things he is doing unconsciously, things he is totally unaware that he is doing.
When men do things they may not be consciously aware they are doing it conveys a feeling of genuineness to women, this is who you are, not an act. Women look at these unconscious acts as part of a man’s character, characteristics inherent to him.
If you really want to know how to get a girl to like you, here are 15 positive personality traits that make women fall hard:
1. Honesty
Women typically fall for men that can be transparent. Women have difficult time when they cannot trust what a man says, making it nearly impossible to trust him with something as important as her feelings.
2. Trustworthy
It's difficult for a woman to fall in love with a man she is unable to trust.
3. Attentive
Women love men that can be a good listener or sounding board. We do not necessarily want you to solve our problems or give us advice, but, provide a willing ear.
4. Caring
Show her that you care. Sure telling a woman you love her feels great but showing your love through both words and action feels even better.
5. Family-minded
Most women look at the way a man loves and treats his family as a way to determine his ability to love her. If a man is thoughtful and loving, then a woman is more likely to fall in love with him.
6. Present
No one likes someone that seems to always be absent when they need them or have an excuse for why they can’t or didn’t show up.
7. Positive
Women typically fall for a man that has an easy-going personality, someone that has a good attitude. Its hard to fall in love with a man that has a bad attitude or a man that we cannot communicate with.
8. Humorous
Women love it when a man can laugh at himself sometimes and not take the everyday challenges of life too seriously.
9. Vulnerable
We love it when a man can show both his tough and soft side, his ability to be open about his feelings and challenges is very attractive. It is amazing when a man can openly and honestly talk about his feelings with us.
10. Optimistic
Women love a man who can turn a lemon into lemonade, cheering them up when they aren’t feeling so good. The ability to help us reframe a negative situation and see both the positives and the negatives is invaluable.
11. Considerate
Women love it when a man considers their feelings when planning, doing, or hanging out with others, it conveys empathy and a willingness to avoid hurting us.
12. Affectionate
There is nothing like a deep enveloping embrace. Not the one-armed hug that can be given to anyone, but deep hugs that convey a desire to be connected with a woman.
13. Capable
Too often planning or coordinating an event or an outing will fall in the lap of a woman, however, we appreciate when a man can take charge sometimes and we can leave the planning to him.
14. Skilled (in the bedroom)
When a man knows where to touch us, how to touch us, and knows our body better than we do this is a huge turn on.
15. Mindful of the difference between intimacy and sex
Women appreciate when a man can caress and kiss her without always wanting or assuming sex will follow. Having healthy intimacy in a relationship shows that sex does not always have to be present in order to enjoy a woman.
Men, getting a woman to fall in love with you is more about being yourself, being consistent, showing up, and displaying positive qualities than any kind of gimmick.
As long as you make sure that you are trustworthy, compassionate, and you are being a kind human being, a woman will have no choice but to will fall for you.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status, and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.